Request for advice; conflicting 'T-advice'

Hi,

Today we went to a place where I requested an intake for help at home, for if we might need that during hard moments in therapy.

They were shocked to hear that the place where I was diagnosed shut the door on me when I got into crisis, and that we're still looking for a T, six months later. They adviced us to go to a specialized clinic (not the one fireheart and I discussed, but the same thing) and to stop trying to find help from independent T's who are hardly ever specialized and will do more harm than good. The shrink who was there was quite firm; better no help than re-traumatizing help.

Agree... and he doesn't even know about the T's who indeed damaged us bad, the last months.

But what to do. Those clinics have a bad name, for a good reason, but the shrink was right about non-specialist T's. In this country, there are very little independent DID-T's (who still have room for new clients), and the shrink was also right about us needing proper tests done for a full check-up (also physical), which independent T's hardly ever do.

(The shrink was very nice and respectful. There was a kind of special moment the other T who was there couldn't quite follow; we talked about our physical condition no (academic) hospital understands; he asked me, very directly and quite sudden; do you know what you have (and not; do you have an idea about it or something)? I said, after giving it some thought; yes, I think I do, but it's hard to believe. 'For others?' he asked. 'Yes, for others, so I don't tell the doctors'. 'Do you believe it, you know it's true?' 'Yes, sometimes'. And we looked at each other with mutual understanding and the other T was like; what just happened?

It felt very good. B)

Anyway, we're puzzled. What would you do...?

we probably wouldn't forgive ourselves if we didn't try every possibility.
but while trying, Annett would watch every step carefully and tell us to RUN if things are not ok.
as long as going to a place doesn't mean losing your freedom, you can always try and leave, right?

birdsong87 wrote:we probably wouldn't forgive ourselves if we didn't try every possibility.
but while trying, Annett would watch every step carefully and tell us to RUN if things are not ok.
as long as going to a place doesn't mean losing your freedom, you can always try and leave, right?

Exactly, we would'n forgive ourselves either. It's hard that different T's say different things. Specialist vdH adviced against the clinics.

This would mean; waitinglist of forever of a for us scary place, versus new first appointment with a T who isn't specialized next week:( (the shrink adviced to not even do that 'in the mean time')

Even B is more 'willing' to go with the advice of this shrink. It won't mean losing our freedom, and it doesn't have to be a long stay, we can travel for sessions to this one. And we actually really do want to be tested properly (also the body) once and for all. Was never done.

Thank you, birdsong, and good luck over there, all of you.

we've tried therapy with all kinds of people over the last 10 years.
we will never see someone who is not specialized again.
it's just not worth the trouble, they can't help us with the key problems. sometimes it even gets dangerous.
if we could choose between waiting forever for a specialized T and having a not-specialized T sooner, we would check our stability to see if we can keep things up during the waiting time - and if stable enough we would wait.
if stability is low and could be increased on a basic level without touching DID related problems we might consider a T for short term support while waiting for the trained T.
don't know if that would be a helpful option.

I agree that a T who re-traumatizes you is worse than no T at all. Far worse. So I would stay away from independent T's who don't know what they are doing with trauma survivors. I would make an exception for a new T (new is not necessarily young) who is working hard to build a practice and agrees to supervision from a DID specialist, then actually gets the supervision. Meanwhile, get on the waiting list with any T's who do know what they are doing with DID.

Most therapists are not psychiatrists, meaning they are not medical doctors. These non-MD therapists do not write orders for medical workups because they cannot; they do not have that power.

This psychiatrist seems to have a definite clue, so I think you would be smart to try the clinic he mentioned. Suspend judgment about its reputation and check it out for yourself. Plan to go once; you don't have to go again unless it feels okay.

I am not seeing any conflicting advice being given, only that you are feeling conflicted about the advice because you have heard negative gossip about a clinic (or all clinics?). This is a conflict easily resolved by investigating for yourself. By the way, even big name authorities can be misinformed.

I think the advice you got today and the advice from vdH might have personal bias and so you need to go with what feels right for you. Think about what kind of threapy you need or want and if the clinic can give it to you or if an independent T can. I do think they need to be specialised either way because otherwise they can do harm without even realising or with the best of intentions.

It's not gossip, Una+, vdH believes that one on one with an independent T is the way to go for DID (I think also because of the attachment issues), and not the clinics, where they work with his books.. I've also never been officially tested on disorders, all those dx's are from feelings of T's. Sometimes after just one session.

Also had the feeling that this shrink knows stuff:) And yes, we'll at least check it out and, good one, asking the T from next week how serious he is about this, with supervision and all that. If he's serious, which I think considering the communication we've already had, I think I'm calling the place of today to discuss options for 'the mean time'.

Stability is ok, birdsong, we cán wait if we have to. We just don't want to make drastic decisions now, so also doing the above.

Hi NyxX, thank you. Agree. Checking out exactly how much the T of next week is 'into this' and not rejecting the clinic...

I would recommend pursuiing both paths and trusting your gut. Why cut off a path when you don't know it yet? So much depends on the person.

Select based on gut-feelings, liking the way they work, experience with trauma and attachment, supervision/intervision, and willingness to learn. DID expertise is an extreme plus, but sadly not a common one.

Perhaps pursue a physical check-up with your GP.

It's a tough position to be in, Bejer, and I hope it works out! <3

Hi Bejer,

I hope you can get some help soon. Independent Ts are good because they are independent and can change things to fit you. But if they don't have any supervision they can mess up. Clinics have supervision but the ones we've seen have programs that everyone has to follow and they think DID people should all be the same. Kind of a problem.

Good T = non-judgemental + experience + time for us + willingness to learn about us

Iain

fireheart wrote:I would recommend pursuiing both paths and trusting your gut. Why cut off a path when you don't know it yet? So much depends on the person.

Select based on gut-feelings, liking the way they work, experience with trauma and attachment, supervision/intervision, and willingness to learn. DID expertise is an extreme plus, but sadly not a common one.

Perhaps pursue a physical check-up with your GP.

It's a tough position to be in, Bejer, and I hope it works out! <3

Hi fireheart, how are you? Calmed down a bit? Hope so.

Yes, the shrink was very 'firm' about just not going there, with non-specialists (and therefore also the T from next week), but who knows; could be match made in treatmentheaven.

With physical check ups I always do as little as possible; hospitals and medics are major triggers because of the crimes. So it would feel safer to do that with medics who also know trauma/DID. But that's not the most important issue of this decision.

Thanks, and good seeing you here! <3

IainEtc wrote:Hi Bejer,

I hope you can get some help soon. Independent Ts are good because they are independent and can change things to fit you. But if they don't have any supervision they can mess up. Clinics have supervision but the ones we've seen have programs that everyone has to follow and they think DID people should all be the same. Kind of a problem.

Good T = non-judgemental + experience + time for us + willingness to learn about us

Iain

Hi Iain, thanks! Exactly; people being numbers in clinics. Gives me the shivers with this very personal problem.

I totally agree with your idea of a good T:)

-- Fri Sep 28, 2018 4:21 pm --

(I do not want independent T's who aren't specialised ever again. B)