Traumas parts have, that never happened to the body

Boys of my separate inner world are all traumatized.

One 14 year old has PTSD, or some DD with severe PTSD symptoms. He gets so triggered so easily if there's anything spoken even nearly reminding him about any of his traumas, it's hard to know what all is behind that very defensive reaction of his. Mostly he is happy and thinking nothing but girls, like any teen boy, but he can turn into a exploding defense mechanism by any given moment. In the inner world he goes to trauma therapy, has been there for couple of years already, and isn't violent anymore when gets defensive (and people around him know not to ever trap him in corner). Has severe insomnia, practically haven't slept for years if not medicated to the point of nearly unconscious, has flash backs, especially in sleep. He has hurt several people and broke plenty of stuff before during flash backs or when triggered, but always feels very bad for what he's done. He is not violent by his nature.

Other 14 year old has DID, with a system about 20-30 parts (some of them more fragment like) and different subsystems. Their host is kind of shy and insecure, and they have several persecutors. Has been in trauma therapy for about a year.

15 (almost 16) year old has DD, which is not diagnosed in the inner world, because he doesn't open up or admit his symptoms. Therefor also doesn't have help for it. He has signs of parts too, his boyfriend calls some of his parts by describing names like Sami the sadist or Lap-Sami. With others he is so private and defensive, it's hard for them to see the differences. His parts are versions of him, and I think there is no amnesia either. He has some physical symptoms also, he can forget how to walk sometimes or feel like there's part of his body missing etc. edit: He has amnesia about his childhood in general, but not amnesia between different hims.

16 year old has diagnosed DD, and has just started trauma therapy in the inner world. He has parts who are him at different ages, but they are mostly hiding, (or maybe some of them not existing anymore?) and he kind of knows about them, but doesn't wanna admit them fully, because it sounds crazier he feels he is. Also not all parts are active. He calls them by numbers, because he feels like he has created new self several times, sometimes new version and sometimes just an updated version of the older one. So they have names like Lucas 3.0, Lucas 3.1 (same one with updates) or Lucas 4.0 (new version). He is mostly in his ANP-part of mind, and therefor seems to be doing really well, but that's not the whole truth. There's at least one old version feeling bad in him. He doesn't feel it, but if he watches his own old photos, he can get triggered, because "I know that boy, I know all about that boy, all the things HE doesn't know. He thinks he's all happy, but it's not true, and he doesn't have a clue." Or sometimes because he knows what happened to that boy before the photo was taken, or what will happen to him soon after it (traumatic stuff). He also has lost of sight sometimes, or problems with hearing.

All of them are traumatized by something never happened to me. And I mean truly never happened, I can know for a fact I have never been in a war like the other 14 year old has. They all would still need help tho.

Has anyone else, who's been in therapy for a longer period now, parts who have their own traumas. How do they get treated? Do they get help, when things that has created them and the inner world to be like it is are being solved, or do Ts actually help them individually for traumas that has never took place in the reality in our body's life? Or are their traumas being talked about and tried to solve what they symbolize in the system? Can they get help with problems they have with THEIR bodies (the inner world ones)? Like gender problems with the male body for example?

Another edit: This ALL is inner world stuff. Our body has never been violent, has never broke anything when triggered etc. These things doesn't happen to me/our body, when they happen to them. I have some same symptoms, but I don't know if they ever happen at the same time to me they happen to them.

Floralie wrote:All of them are traumatized by something never happened to me. And I mean truly never happened, I can know for a fact I have never been in a war like the other 14 year old has. They all would still need help tho.

Has anyone else, who's been in therapy for a longer period now, parts who have their own traumas.

We don't have alters who had the trauma of going through a war literally. However, the symbolism of our life being lived as if it were a war is all over the place in our thinking and the way we describe events. Actually the same thing is true for siblings.

Most of our alters had their own traumas that those of us who lived the outside life had zero awareness of. I know the general facts for what almost every one of us experienced and why they're here but we haven't yet connected to the actual memories of many of them. All of these traumas occurred in the outside world, as far as we know.

At least one of us had background memories that were constructed inside, that is, they weren't possible based on what actually happened in childhood.

Thanks for sharing, that sounds like a lot going on for you. I wish you well with it all

In regards to relating, we do to some extent, although we have a slightly different perspective on it.

We believe that a lot of trauma that has happened in the world can stay put long after, and 'float around' in the world. Say, after a War or some big traumatic event, it leaves some residue in the world. People can then pick that up and incorporate it into them. There is usually some reason for it, like that person is going through trauma themselves at that time.

This can leave a feeling of 'old' trauma, or 'trauma from the world', that can mingle with the individual. There are also positives too, as they can sometimes come with insights and realisations about the world.

We have a few of these in our System, and have taken a lot from the experience.

I also agree that Wars and other events can be so symbolic and so useful for rationalising crazy or strange situations. It could be that some 'world residue' could latch onto that too.

Good luck with it all anyhow


Alice - One in the Albion System

When I was 18 I felt I was possessed by a wolf ghost when I riding in the car in the mountains with my dad. (He never abused me and I have a good relationship with him.) What's very strange is that he said, "Whoa, did you feel that?" right as I felt the spirit enter me. I acquired the ghost's experience of being hunted, losing its entire family then eventually dying alone. I had memories of a sacred paradise that was desecrated, murdered and destroyed. It's such a universal motif, ie. the story of the Garden of Eden. The wolf was present near me for a few years, sometimes as a ghost who seemed to be walking beside me. I thought the wolf was my totem animal. I thought a lot of things, and I was often haunted by "supernatural" stuff so I tried to find out natural explanations for everything. But I could never make sense of the ghost wolf, what was it and what did it really mean?

I am interested in your response sleepingwolf (great name!). But my system, at least my part of it, has been avoiding such thoughts as they are too disorienting. I need science to understand things in spite of its limitations. Maybe it's part of my ANP fixation to make things seem organized and normal. I have even needed to understand my possession experience in terms of mental illness, maybe to avoid what they're truly on about!

At one point when I was having a breakdown, I thought of being like a psychopomp who takes spirits to rest in peace on the other side. I saw the ghost as a rotting carcass and then he was dead and at peace. It didn't seem to help me though, I just thought I'd helped him.

Fast forward about 15 years, I had learned of my dissociative disorder and was trying to contact a mysterious alter named Tdae who used to front when I was a teen. She sent her alter Wolf Corpse near the front to talk to me and I felt like living death. He said, "I'm still right here where you left me, rotting in the woods. But I don't mind being dead. It's better than running for my life or being alone." And then he revealed his origins in my own early trauma. He claimed to be one of four babies, though I am still not sure of his meaning.

Wolves represent family. What really frightens me is the possibility that I was traumatized by ordinary things that many ignorant or unstable but well-meaning parents might do. I was a sensitive and creative child, but I think that is true of many people with DID. Tdae is so unhappy to be in this world that they'd rather be dead. And Tdae is a storyteller, the wolves her story. I had enough healthy attachment to have that template but it's interrupted with chaos and despair. I have also considered if the dead wolves literally represent "death" that occurred in my brain as neural connections were lost.

When we have lucid dreams, we tend to turn into giant wolf and run around forests. As a child I don't remember ever playing to be a wolf, but I played to be Hindenburg's dog. I didn't know who or what Hindenburg was, but in my mind it had something to do with war, and my Hindenburg's dog was a black german shepherd and a war dog. I just googled Hindenburg couple of months ago and turned out Hindenburg was a president of Germany until he died. After his death Hitler was named to be the leader of Germany.

Hindenburg's dog might still very well live inside me. I can feel like wanting to be a dog sometimes if I'm walking on a street on someones left side. And black german shepherd it is, for some reason. It's not a breed I would ever like to own, I like different type of dogs myself, but that is "my inner dog".

We had german shepherd wen I was a baby. I have seen pictures of him (he was not black tho), but don't remember him at all. It could be I was 1 when he passed, but I'm not sure. I think he was put down after biting someone severely. He came to my parents as a rescue, and my parents really weren't the kind who should've rescued animals. His name was Sami.

Sami is the name of one of my alters too. He's not a dog, and I don't know if there's any connection with the names. Sami is not uncommon name in here. He is very protective tho, and likes to turn into wolf in his lucid dreams too.

Floralie, this may have no connection whatever but Hindenberg was also the name of one of the most famous and dramatic disasters ever recorded on film, a German airship exploding as it was docking. One of the survivors of the Hindenberg became a suspect, and his dog died on board.

This is an interesting topic - never occurred to me. My parts were a direct result of my circumstances - not from traumas originating in the inner world. Guess I have solely 'outer-world-trauma' parts.

Floralie it seems that maybe you identified with your pet and then recreated him. Hindenburg's dog is a beautiful aesthetic, and a friend/protector. There are layers of symbolism as well. That's really neat in an artistic sense. The unconscious mind has creator alters who make these connections.

Puppieskittens we're all the way we are as result of our circumstances, and also biological predispositions. I guess my system and Tdae in particular became more inwardly focused due to temperament, isolation and chaos before age four. I have parts who are fixated on making things make sense. Myths and stories to explain our world is one way of making sense. One could also create internal alters and worlds to express what they can't express outside. My alters remember being punished while manifesting symptoms of PTSD as a young child or toddler. I think that could drive someone inward.

Yes - of course - that makes perfect sense. What I meant to say was that all my parts never had their own internal world trauma. You are right - myths and stories make perfect sense.

I created internally too but it was different - and that makes sense too because we are all unique. Children do what they need to psychologically survive.