How do you start counting Parts and identifying?

I want to know how you count Parts in such a big system because most of us seem very similar variations but I haven't been able to track the variations appropriately only a few people are really truly stamp people that are stand out that are fully form that I can count

As many replies start, I'll say that it depends on your system. I was wondering what you meant by "stamp people," unless it's just alters who stand out and are more distinct, as you suggest.

Putting all this into words makes it seems a lot more concrete than it actually is. The process for us of finding and identifying new alters is generally vague and messy. That's okay because dissociating a bit can help the process, maybe it's necessary. Being too rational, logical, structured or "in control" works against meeting new alters.

We got the full understanding in 2011 that yep, this was DID. We discovered additional alters, currently numbering 70, through 2018. We had the sense there were the two latest early this year. It's possible we've found everyone but we've thought that many times before.

Here are some ways we've found alters:

* Some alters have started speaking to us from inside, telling us who they are (not always with a name)
* Early on a new alter would sometimes front one day and either they announced who they were or we realized that it's someone we hadn't met before
* We start focusing on an odd pattern in our behavior, past or present. Eventually we realized behavior patterns are sometimes connected to an alter, known or unknown. To learn new info, we have to try to have our mind remain open, welcoming, non-threatening
* We focus on inconsistencies within the behavior of what we've assumed is one alter. For example, I've been focused on doing things on the computer and assumed it was me, John. Yet I myself was really bored and frustrated by my continuing to do it. Since it didn't make sense I can be into something and completely bored at the same time, I realized it's actually someone else fronting.
* Something in the world triggers an alter -- for instance, a violent image on film, or hearing someone in the world speak their name -- and they suddenly front
* EMDR in therapy open things up so that we learn new information and sometimes meet a new alter connected to that information

We happen to have an alter, Sphinx, who identifies his type as gatekeeper or internal self helper. We ask him to participate when we're trying to figure out what's going on and he can often help identify an alter, known or new. Sometimes other alters inside are paying attention and give us their thoughts about an alter or reach out internally. That doesn't ensure direct communication is happening but it may sense the feeling or sense that "things are different now, we're safe, we want to help and to meet you when you're ready"

Is that what you were looking for? There are probably other ways we've identified parts.

Is it important to identify every part in a large system?

I would hate to think that I had to spelunk every corner and crevice in my mind in the worry that I might miss a part or feel like I have to identify every part in order to heal.

I don't mind having aspects of myself being forever a mystery and some parts (whoever they may be) will simply have to exist in that realm.

puppieskittens wrote:Is it important to identify every part in a large system?

If it wouldn't be important to WeAreOne420, they wouldn't ask. Your sense of urgency is just as subjective as anyone else's, so your question is irrelevant.

Hi WeAreOne420, we sometimes suddenly get a 'row' of information on numbers, names and 'positions' from one of the groups who have most info on the system. I think every system has a group or part who knows a lot about the structure of the system, T's write about that as well. You could ask this question inside, maybe a part will respond. Maybe you can also start with 'outside parts'. Parts who deal with outside stuff. In our case, there are way more inside parts, and that can be very overwhelming, figuring that out. Since they don't front, you can take all the time you need to start communicating with them.

Do you have a lot of amnesia, or are you more co-present? If you have amnesia, I would suggest starting with documenting your days; see what you did and how, and if you see differences in your behavior/thoughts/feelings, you can start seeing what traits belong to who, how many different parts front during the day or when you're triggered, etc.

We also have a lot of resembling parts per group, in our case only age differences and they often don't see that themselves. I had the same worries you're having, but it will be ok, you'll get to know yourself better and better. Good luck!

(where does the 420 in your nickname stand for..?)

Hi WeAreOne420,

V1 always wanted to get everyone counted and identified and listed on spreadsheets and stuff.

For us, it has been some time spent just asking inside. Asking who's around, asking them to tell us about themselves, asking for their names and stuff. And its also been patience, just waiting for others to speak up. And being open and not judgy about things when we do find out.

Sometimes parts stay hidden, and sometimes there's good reasons for that.

If you have any internal helper parts, you can talk with them. Sometimes they will give you information, and sometimes they won't, but don't try and fight them about it.

Our system is only 16 (as far as we know) and we do not yet know everyone, we have one who's still a mystery. If your system is very large, it might take you a long time to get to know them all. Maybe you won't ever have a 'complete list'. I hope you don't get too stressed over it. Just do what you can, learn what you can, and try to be patient with yourselves.

Good luck.

V2

I am also wondering the same question. For me the big question is, when is it wise to assume there is a part involved, and when it's just me having different mood or something. Do you also always wait to feel a presence, before assuming someone/something as a part? Or is it more about certain things always coming together when you start to think they probably belong to someone, or how can you tell the difference? Or do you always ask, if there is a chance for a part to be present?

About if it is important for a big system to know about everyone. I don't know is it in terms of getting better. I tend to think those hiding parts still are probably scared and alone and don't know trauma is over, and leaving them alone as they are intentionally is just not ethical. But that kind of things are always depending on the case I think.

I am new one in our system, I may be the first surely adult one, and I think I was made to get us help, and come to help others inside, and take care of ourselves as whole, the outside things and the inside. I was created when we started to learn how to treat parts, and that they need someone stable. We didn't have any. So now we have me. I take care of the outside things, so that our life would not be a catastrophe waiting to happen, and we could have the resources to get treatment, and I took care of that, and will in the future. I will concentrate on us getting better and after that building more outside things for us. I try not to overwhelm me by trying too much. It's the outside basics and the therapy, and it will be over in three years. Then it's time to think to think what to do next. Now I do outside things only for inside to feel safe enough. And I try to get the message inside I am here now, and they are welcome to communicate.

I am new here and for this purpose. I know not all the systems have anyone there for the system, and I can't judge them getting tired of finding parts. I can't even tell how will I manage to do my job. I've just started.

WeAreOne420 wrote:I want to know how you count Parts in such a big system because most of us seem very similar variations but I haven't been able to track the variations appropriately only a few people are really truly stamp people that are stand out that are fully form that I can count

I come from a very large system, and I just want to warn you of a couple things we had issues with in the past few months.

One of them was that our therapist wanted us to meet and identify everyone, to establish connections. She didn't give us any choice or leeway in the matter, which upset us, because many of us don't wish to be identified or anything, not even to each other, much less to the therapist.

But one of the biggest issues was that I, personally, felt forced to differentiate myself from other alters. Where is me, and where is you??? I had such issues with that, and in trying to find the separation, I ended up making some where there weren't any! It turns out that I am part of a subsystem, so there are many of "me," just with slight variations. It's like having one body, but many heads--the same sense of self, but just SLIGHTLY different in terms of demeanor, outlook, etc. Trying to differentiate ourselves from each other would just mean dissociating further.

(Side note: do you know about polyfragmented systems? Large systems are usually polyfragmented, at least to some degree. We read the description and saw ourselves in it. Might be worth a look.)

If my therapist had focused more on the "working together" and "communicating," rather than dictating a focus on details that turned out not to be necessarily necessary, we wouldn't have dissociated to a further degree than we already are.

Remember, focusing on the separation can worsen it. And every system is different. I highly recommend figuring out what your goal is in keeping track of/counting parts. We were doing it just because we thought we had to, or we couldn't get better or communicate if we didn't, but we felt much better when we stopped. We now function essentially like a Roman forum. Whenever there's an issue, which we realize if we're paying attention to how we feel, we grab a journal and write about it--what's the issue? Why is it an issue? What does everyone want to do? Etc. No one identifies themselves, really. We all just contribute to this journal entry, and the goal is to solve the negative feeling, get to a place where it becomes a good feeling (or at least a bearable one).

That method may not work for you. But that's my point! You're unique. That's why I hesitate to give advice about communication/identifying parts, because you can unwittingly worsen the dissociation.

So, why are you seeking to count the parts? Is it because there are issues you need to talk to them about? Does counting parts feel like self-discovery? Do you want to improve (or establish) communication generally? I think that's a good place to start. And then devising how to identify alters and establish communication becomes much clearer (in my experience).

TLDR: In my opinion, counting for the sake of counting can be detrimental. It can even worsen dissociation. Make sure you know the reason why you're counting, and then approach the "how" of counting afterward, with the reason in mind.

Members of our system have wanted us to meet and include everyone, to know their name or to ask them for one if they don't have one, so that we know who we're talking about and don't forget anybody. Like Floralie, not wanting to find all of us is experienced as unethical and immoral for us.

It's also felt to be irrational, as in it defies logic. Everyone here is me. We need all of us (all of me) to have an opportunity to heal. Leaving parts unknown almost guarantees that some remain in pain, which means part of me is in pain, even if I can't consciously connect to that pain. Why would I want to risk that?

Like if you spend a lot of your time with a group of people but you consistently ignore some of them, don't look at them or consider them worthy of your time. I don't want to be a person like that, though I am sometimes. In any case, it's not a roomful of people, it's you, parts of you. And it's not just spending a lot of time with them, it's literally every waking minute of your life that they're there.

My adopted son's system is similar. Everyone is important and worthy. Everyone must be included and feel welcome to join us when they're ready. I totally get why WeAreOne is asking how you start identifying everyone.

There's a pace in meeting everyone, of course, and pushing to do so before they're ready could be destabilizing for your system and even retraumatizing for some alters. I don't think that's what WeAreOne is asking for at all but it's worth mentioning.

Almost from the start we kept a list of everyone with useful details. This helped us keep track of everyone and kept the information in one place. We always knew at any point how many there were but it wasn't about counting so much as it was about finding parts of ourself.

For the purpose of identifying feelings and being able to directly work with the feelings it seems to me that it's necessary to identify who the feeling is coming from. Like one of us is consistently against our marriage and deeply in love with another man. How can I work with this if I don't even know who it's coming from? At present I don't know who it's coming from, and I suspect that that's why it's been an issue for over 10 years. Also we keep losing time and valuable memories that I want to cherish instead of hide. Also it's not a good feeling at all to not know who you are at any given time when someone unknown is cofronting. My therapist seems to disagree with trying to find everyone by reason that singletons don't know all of themselves either. But I don't think she has a clue about the confusion. True it might not be necessary to find everyone but it's necessary to find those who need to be found imho. And I don't think we can push finding them before they're ready to be found/we're ready to find what we find. Otherwise by Journaling. It's always been the best method for us.