Lying soab

If you have used a journal in the past you could try that again. I can see how it would be hard to communicate with someone so angry. But I feel like it's more important to try if they have been screaming a lot pretending their be someone else is a change and maybe that's the only way they felt they would be listened to.

Yeah we have started a new journal a few days ago. However. For it to be truly effective like it used to be, it would be very time consuming. But we can't go on like this anymore either so we have to. I realize that I shut down every "ego dystonic" line of thought and especially the more unsafe ones. And I realize that that is a huge part of the dysfunction. Journaling has helped us a lot in the past to allow space for each other and in turn to make sense of it.. But it's hard and especially without a t. I'm scared that the other t will just be another misplaced hope and I don't know if I can even do this in current situation, especially without a t.

Wowsers, that sounds a lot like B. The biggest difference is B does half her cussing in German.

B. was one of the first 5 to show themselves, and yet, I know all the others better.

Here’s what I know:

Does not feel understood.
Wants control.
Might like cheesecake.
Is very smart.
Is very angry (at least has been).
Wants me to do more chores and childcare around the house.
Doesn’t feel worthy of love. (Which was a huge discovery last week.)

Pretty short list considering how much time and effort I’ve put in. At least the firey angry eyes have faded to more of an upset glare, so maybe we are making progress. I have to take my own advice in that this is a marathon not a sprint.

TheCollective wrote:So how could I try to communicate without risking a switch again? Really all I know about him is what I remember from our journal communications (they are gone so I can't review) and the rare times he does talk to us instead of (scream) at us from his own protected space. We used to have some communication a long time ago. I know he doesn't like my t.. He keeps screaming the moron should go F herself. Which is not surprising since this t (we have 2 therapists) won't even one bit acknowledge us or him (it happened partially during session).

I would be screaming at you too if there was a moron therapist involved. The therapist is the one who is unsafe. I agree with your alter that your therapist should go ###$ herself. Always people thinking they know better than we do. They know what we're thinking and what we're feeling and what we need and what our motivations are better then we do. They train us to obey them even when it's not in our own best interests. Then you grow up and we still have to deal with these idiot ###$ who study psychology because of their own internal damage. If your doctor told you the flu is caused by evil spirits, would you continue seeing that doctor? Of course not.

Bad therapists can do serious damage. This is not something to ###$ with. We have friends on this forum who have met therapists who work for organized crime, and others whose therapist caused them to have seizures that they didn't have before. Therapists are unsafe. You need to listen to your instincts and stop listening to ###$. I would be crazy in that situation too. I'm sorry for you that you have to guard yourself from the people who are supposed to care for you. Assholes.

Sentinel

myce wrote:

TheCollective wrote:So how could I try to communicate without risking a switch again? Really all I know about him is what I remember from our journal communications (they are gone so I can't review) and the rare times he does talk to us instead of (scream) at us from his own protected space. We used to have some communication a long time ago. I know he doesn't like my t.. He keeps screaming the moron should go F herself. Which is not surprising since this t (we have 2 therapists) won't even one bit acknowledge us or him (it happened partially during session).

I would be screaming at you too if there was a moron therapist involved. The therapist is the one who is unsafe. I agree with your alter that your therapist should go ###$ herself.

Sentinel

Exactly what I was thinking when I read that. ALWAYS trust your instincts. You can investigate and make sure your feelings are truly based on the present situation, but always trust them. In this case, it's clear. A therapist's JOB is to acknowledge and understand your experience--that has to happen first before there can be any trust and any work toward change.

Haha well said guys. She was saying (to him!) that "(nonexistent)bodyname" should stop obsessing over trying to figure it all out and have a good life in stead. So he said "it's not my life" and she said "I'm sorry you experience it like that"..
Of course Eric has been obsessively figuring it all out because nobody ever helped us. Without him figuring everything out we would be much worse off now. He'd gladly stop because he's tired. That's exactly why he keeps therapy; to find help..
She thinks we are psychosis. She actually dismisses everything we tell her and twists it to fit her frame and then she doesn't understand why we don't trust her. So when our head gets loud we don't know what to say so we jam up and she sees that as a symptom of psychosis. Even though we really do know what we could say but all of it sounds too unsafe to say it to her. To make the confusion complete, the other t who works below her, is helping us and accepting our experiences so we do open up to her after barely a year. I don't know what we can do about this situation because we don't have another option. I don't think we can handle the confrontation and the past has taught me that it's useless anyway. I have a journal entry very much like this post and I was thinking of showing it to her. But even that feels too unsafe; To actually tackle trust issues. And I also don't want to be passive aggressive about it by involving the other t. Idk.. Sigh but you're definitely right about Chris. I don't understand either why he's so reclusive. I don't know whats going on if he doesn't share. But I also understand he doesn't share if I'm not doing anything about it. Why are things always so hard. So messed up

From what your saying I think it definitely sounds like the T could end up doing more harm than good and staying in a situation that is bad or potentially bad is something to avoid. I don't really think I'm much better because I kept trying with both my last 2 T's longer then I should. But one of the things I try to do is recognise when situations aren't good for me and take action to change them. And to us it's really important we do that because in the past we put others first even when they hurt us. And I don't think right now you are putting you and your system first. Your accepting a bad situation because you don't want a confrontation and don't think you can change it, but I think you deserve better and that you need better and that you have a right to better treatment from the bad T.

I already replied to another topic as well, that we get very defensive, when we read about Ts who think they are authorities to their patients. Our T said parts are the most precious thing, we need to respect and learn from them. They hold all the information we need. Her job is to respect me (us) and my experiences, and my job is to respect my parts. And together we learn from them who I am, who we are and how we function.

DID is severe disorder, and it can't be treated with denial and with lets just not look at it. I think it is very basic question if you are treated for the thing you have, or something else. It needs to be talked straightly, and I couldn't have any other conversations before the main one would be cleared out. Of course not. And of course it is a trust issue if you are treated for the wrong condition. But it is not JUST a trust issue, it's very legitimate question. Don't let them get away with it by approaching it like it would be just about your ability to trust or not. As long as they twist your words, they are in no position to claim they know something about you. But you need to clear out every twisted word, right there where it happens.

For us it would probably be corrected situation, years of silent observations on Ts acts (done that before, but probably wouldn't for the second time) or straight out authority issue, depending on the situation and respond. We don't see it as a thing that could be addressed a little bit every now and then, but something to stop for.

Do you have DID as your diagnosis?

. Sorry can't.

I should have a diagnosis yes. Honestly I think that whoever was out misunderstood t. And a person has to be ready to deal with DID. If the person is not ready to deal with it the system has its ways of evading. We've been trying to have therapy for the DID for 10 years and each time sabotaging it and evading everything masterfully. While other parts feel disbelieved and ignored but other parts actively shut down every possibly effective approach by t's. I think t was right by saying the researcher in Eric has to cut it out. He would take on the whole world if he could but the simple fact is that he can't. Now he's severely overwhelmed and disappeared to a nearly non existent state. The body has a good excuse of illness but the minds are a mess.