Journey Thread: Ponyta (Ups & Downs)

SeveralCrows wrote:On the question of how a place developed consciousness...Is it possible that the area used to be a part who fronted, then went deep inside to just be a place instead, in hope of not experiencing bad things anymore? Maybe also it intended to be a safe area, but then others used that protective barrier to contain instead. However it happened, I hope the area can start to feel more relief and healing.

I dont think so, and my reasons not to belive it would be possible a former host would have a very rigid bodyimage that would be very hard to change, it has been proven over and over that this is how its body looks and how it works so a host transforming into an area or just about anything else than itself seems very hard to do. it is ofcourse not impossible to change bodyimage but improbable
The other is that if the area was concious from the beginning then why didnt it refuse the memories to attach from the start??

There is another greater question buried in this
Maybe this is the core of how souls are created in the first place???? a memory is supressed and then a new soul is created around that memory????
The creations of new traumacarrying alters i have been told of doesnt support or refute that either, in those cases the host who has been thru something hard has been dizzy and started to question the reality of the event, and then a new one has slowly over hours or days being created and then left in the spot where they have been found, while the host has forgotten about it and moved on.
So its possible that the actual suppression of the memory is the creator of the alter in the first place from that perspective too.. and that the creation of a soul to carry the memory is a byproduct of that
- Its possible that it is like that and it seems worth to investigate, to learn new things

PS, Maybe this should be a separate thread?

sleepingwolf wrote:I just wanted to say that we feel for you guys. It sounds like a lot is going on for you all, but you also sound like you are slowly moving through it...

We relate to the potential 'world within world' ideas, as we have something similar. I guess it can be hard to see something so mind-boggling. I guess you don't need to understand it, just be ok with it. That's where we are at anyways.

Good luck with it all guys. Sending you positive vibes.

Hyydii

Thanks Hyydii! We appreciate your kind words!

I saw Weirdo's post about me (the "main" host). I was going to reply...but decided to write here instead. I'm not sure what is going on. Honestly....I think I'm exhausted and need to rest. Maybe that's why I'm not out as much the last couple days. I don't feel right. I think I took on too much too fast....or something. I don't know why. Feels as if all my energy is gone....just trying to focus on typing this is way too hard. I feel as if I'm being pulled "backwards".... vision is going blurry. Feel like I'm going to fall asleep any second.

To Weirdo: I'm sorry I'm worrying you. I don't mean to. I just don't know what is going on lately. Overall I feel fine....just extremely tired. I just need to rest. Sorry.

Way too tired to write anymore right now.

I feel more like myself today....but I can still tell something is wrong. I think I was right.... about what I wrote last night. Exhausted for some reason. Need to recover my strength.

Maybe that's why Weirdo and I have switched places? I'm not sure. I'm glad he is helping me though. I'm just worried about him.

I really think it has to do with my exhaustion though. Almost like I handled so much lately....I'm having what sounds like "burnout". Not sure.....but why would I be so exhausted? Weirdo seems to be fine. So do the others. I seem to be the only exhausted one. At least I feel a little more strength today.

I feel weird. Almost like I'm closer to the inner world....than the outer world. I do know at one point.....years ago....I wasn't the host. So this is kinda scary for me.


Unless it has something to do with my one personality. He has the ability to drain my strength somehow. He did it before....when I first met him. I haven't seen him for months....but it's possible. He doesn't like me.


Oh.....I forgot to write....as I was falling to sleep last night.....I feel as if some new female talked to me. I'm not 100% sure....but she told me her name. Naomi.

I'm out for a little while.....I'm co-conscious with Weirdo. It's really hard for me to focus though. I'm still exhausted. I'm not sure what is happening. It is scary....but I trust Weirdo. I just don't know why I'm so exhausted. It feels like I didn't sleep for an entire week....or something. I don't understand.

I also don't understand.... why I feel good when I first become co-conscious....for a little while....then I feel horribly drained again. That is worrying.


A thought just came to me....maybe this is happening....for me to be able to relate to the others....on a deeper level? Not sure....but maybe. I need to try to think of something positive anyway.....this going on lately....is scaring me.

I feel really....really weird lately. I'm co-conscious with Weirdo. Don't even know how to describe how I feel. It's best described like....I'm here....but not fully.

I'm feeling better than I was....but still I can tell.... something isn't totally right. Now I completely forgot what I was going to say.

Oh. I hope Shadow is okay. I was told he would be fine in a few days....(looks like I posted that on the 9th)..... he is still in a deep sleep.

Could it be.... that's where my energy is going? I still feel "linked" to him somehow. Feeling confused. I got to let go now....my energy level is fading again. I can't seem to hold "control" like I used to.

At first I was scared....but now I'm neutral. I trust Weirdo.

I'm not sure what is going on. First....Weirdo and I switched roles.....then we were like co-conscious for longer and longer......late last night I'm not sure where Weirdo went......now I'm co-conscious with him again.....but now....it feels almost as if our roles are reverting... back to the way they were.

I feel really confused about this. Maybe it was all connected to Shadow? I have a strong feeling he was pulling strength... from me.... to recover. If I have a strong feeling about it....does it mean that's true?

Shadow finally woke-up today. He is acting strange....and disoriented. As far as I know...(based on how he's acting)....he lost a lot of time. I'm not even sure if he is the same person or not. I feel something different about him.....so maybe the Shadow.... I know..... was "the area" all along? I have no clue.....but I can clearly tell something is different about him. Still though....he smiled at me. We must've known each other.....despite "the area" controlling him.

Weirdo told me to get Shadow to talk to Casper. That sounds like a good idea. Casper is closer to Shadow than anyone. Still I'm not sure if that will work though. It didn't change Casper's mind any....when Weirdo talked to him before.

Casper was mean again last night.....when I tried talking to him. He made unreasonable requests again. Stuff that breaks our inner world laws. I told him....the stuff he is requesting is wrong. He laughs about it....and says he knows. He's only doing that.... because he wants me to get thrown in the dungeon. He just hopes I fall for it. Ridiculous. I'm not sure what to do.

I'm not doing so good now.....I actually forgot how hard it was to be a host......not sure why.....I guess because it was really nice.... when Weirdo took over. I was finally able to relax. Now that I'm back......UGH... I'm having problems!

I'm having really bad inner turmoil right now.....and the worst part is.....I have no clue why.

I have no idea what is wrong. I feel unbelievably horrible right now. Pretty much all day now.

Both.... Weirdo and I.... were happy to change back. So at least that is one good thing.

I don't know why things can't seem to stay good though....when things seem to be going good.

I made up my mind.....I'm canceling our appointment with our T....on the 24th. Only because.... for some reason.... we are scared to go now. I have no clue why.

I don't even know if I'm me right now. I just realized I'm acting strange....... I don't know what's wrong.

Probably not a good idea to cancel your T appointment. If you're scared to go, you can tell your T that when you go there, and maybe your T can help you figure out why you're scared. You don't have to do anything else there if you don't want to. Just finding that out would be really useful, and maybe the part that's scared would want to let the T know what it is about going there that scares them.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:Probably not a good idea to cancel your T appointment. If you're scared to go, you can tell your T that when you go there, and maybe your T can help you figure out why you're scared. You don't have to do anything else there if you don't want to. Just finding that out would be really useful, and maybe the part that's scared would want to let the T know what it is about going there that scares them.

Thank you ...for your reply! I greatly appreciate it!

I managed to figure out why it is.......it's because the closer we tend to become to someone.... (outer world).....the more scared of them we become. I'm not sure if that issue has a name.....or not. I think it has to do with our past. Either that....or we're scared they'll be able to see us.... (all of us). Not just our T.....but anyone in general. Our mom is the only exception.

We have issues where.... we feel strangers look clean through us....or something at times. See the others. I'm not even sure if that makes sense.

But I see what you mean about the appointment. I'm not sure what is wrong with me. I'm guessing....but I'll say......about half of us want to go. The other half doesn't. I just know.....I feel badly torn.