Journey Thread: Ponyta (Ups & Downs)

Well....I didn't have to find Rhino...he found me. He called me a really mean name and said he knows what I've been thinking.....maybe he heard me ask Weirdo if he thinks Rhino is behind the rumors....I don't know....but he came over and told me he finds it hilarious that they are saying that stuff about me....but he isn't the one doing it.

Rhino said why don't you try asking Dustin (although he might of said Justin) it wasn't very clear. Either way.....I have no clue who that is.....unless it is one of the 3 guys that I don't know their names yet (they still won't tell me either though). Maybe Rhino is just trying to pass the blame.....I just don't know......but either way I hope I can figure out this problem soon.

If this is about what happened to you when you were a kid who was spreading the rumours then?

NyxX wrote:If this is about what happened to you when you were a kid who was spreading the rumours then?

Honestly.... I don't know.

(sorry the response is so long)

All I remember from the memory coming back is that some guy(s) told one of the girls something about me and she came over and questioned me about it. I had no clue what she was talking about. She seemed embarrassed asking me then. She told me she heard it from one of the guys (in the group of guys) who were laughing at us. That is when I realized (that rumors were being spread)....and that's why everyone was avoiding me, etc. Not sure even if those guys were the ones who started the rumors in the first place.....or if they heard it from somewhere else theirselves.

I'm not sure if I even knew the names of those guys back then.....if I did....I don't remember now (at least that didn't come back to me yet). But it definitely was caused by a male bully or bullies. Just not sure how many of them originally started it....because since it is mimicking it.....it probably is similar in the inner world (but yet I just don't know). I can see the memory like a video playing in my mind....but yet there are some gaps in the information regarding it.....

When I asked Weirdo about what Rhino said......he told me a while ago that there is both a Dustin and a Justin.....so that makes it confusing. Not sure who to ask....also don't want to upset them if they aren't behind it. I feel like Rhino could be lying.....I don't trust him 100% yet due to how he acts.


For some reason.....I believe one of the names tried to come back just now....at least I got an "M" as the first letter. LOL.....also not sure but the name Aaron has been floating around for quite some time now (not sure why). Nicole has the same name as one of the bullies.....so maybe this guy has the same name as one of them too.....I just don't know yet. Racking my brain right now trying to think of that guy's name. The video is so vivid....I can see it as if it just happened....but yet I can't seem to remember his name. Maybe Weirdo knows I'll have to ask him........

I did just remember though that Aaron was the name of one of the bullies. He traveled with the other guy....maybe that guy's name was Mark. (So if it is Mark and the guy's name is Mark in the inner world.....then there are 2 Mark's) Which is confusing.....Maybe that's why a bunch of them go by their nicknames. Wolverine's real name is Mark. Weirdo's real name is Ludwig. Both want to be known by their nicknames though.

Weirdo told me that he knows for 100% fact that Justin isn't behind it (I didn't meet him yet but he is Wolverine's friend). So that leaves Dustin.....I kinda feel Rhino said that name in the first place though.

Weirdo said that there is no other Mark in the inner world that he knows about....so I don't have to worry about that. Also he said that Mark wasn't the bully's name anyway as far as he remembers. He did say there is an Aaron though. Although he doesn't think he is behind it either. Weirdo acts like I already met him though. If I did....I must know Aaron by a different name (his nickname).

I don't know why but I just had a strange thought pop into my mind. Since a bunch of them have 2 names (their real name and a nickname) maybe Rhino is trying to mess with my head. Maybe his real name is Dustin. Weirdo didn't say anything about Dustin other than he was one that escaped from the dungeon. Well....if I remember right Rhino used to be in the dungeon. Not sure why that thought would pop into my mind.....but it did. It was almost like someone was trying to tell me that. It was just a thought......but it felt like it came from one of my really close friends. So yeah....maybe that is true. Maybe Rhino is trying to mess with me.

I just don't know what to think.


Edit: Bruiser just came over. He just told me that his real name is Aaron. So that's cool. Punisher also told me his real name. It's Allen. A good while back Scar told me his real name is Adam. Still all 3 of them told me they want to be known by their nicknames.

Had some of the strangest dreams ever again last night. Not sure what is going on with that. At least those ones WEREN'T scary last night.

Extremely quiet today. Only Weirdo, Wolverine, and Bandit said something to me so far. Weirdo said he was the one who convinced Bruiser and Punisher to tell me their real name last night. Bruiser and Punisher were becoming my friends.....but due to the rumors.... they are keeping their distance. It was cool though that they were willing to tell me their real name last night.

It is true though.....Rhino's real name is Dustin. He laughed about it and said I'm pretty clever figuring that one out. He still didn't admit to spreading the rumors though.....so still not 100% sure who is doing it. Maybe I won't be able to figure it out. Very upset about that....... I still suspect it is Rhino....but not sure how to get him to admit it.....also if I'm wrong (which maybe I am) I don't want to force him to admit to something he didn't do.

Not sure how to solve this problem....... A bunch of the guys told me a while back that there are A LOT more of them than I know.......so maybe it is one I never met yet......but still there is a really strong lingering feeling that Rhino is causing the rumors. Like I said before too....Rhino told me that he would get back at me for rejecting him....so since a bunch of the rumors are trying to get Bandit to turn against me.....he could be behind them. I just don't know.

Not doing so good right now.....feeling very sad and sick to my stomach about what happened in the inner world.



First of all it was Rhino after-all..... Bandit told me that Rhino admitted it to him.....not sure the order of events but they got into a fight. I only knew what happened from Bandit's word on it. (I didn't see it happen)



BAD Trigger Warning
Mention of violence: fight, blood, and wounds


Very sick feeling because Bandit got hurt pretty badly. He said Rhino is hurt worse than him....but he told me he held back (Bandit said he didn't want to hurt Rhino too bad....because he knows I wouldn't want that)

Bandit is a shape-shifter. Rhino wears really thick armor with spikes on it. He has a helmet that has a horn like a rhino. Well when Bandit came over he was trying to act tough like nothing was wrong with him.....but I could tell he was in a lot of pain. Also he was bleeding (which he didn't realize until I pointed it out). His left shoulder area got injured really bad. I managed to stop the bleeding and I wrapped his injury.....but it made me really sick seeing him like that. His back also has some bad scratches but luckily they weren't bleeding. Weirdo came over and helped as well. Wolverine went to look for Rhino.

I heard Bandit tell Weirdo that Rhino attacked him first. (Which I believe based on the bad injury) I know that if Bandit was in a different form (like a dragon) he NEVER would have got that bad of an injury. So Rhino apparently attacked Bandit before he even changed. Which is ridiculous.....but not surprising.

I told Weirdo to watch Bandit (I told Bandit to take it easy and rest.) Then I went to look for Rhino. David, Yondu, and Matt came along with me (apparently Bandit asked them to). We caught up to Wolverine.

Well we didn't find Rhino yet.....but I could hear him (for some reason the others couldn't). He was having a private conversation with me somehow and it wasn't very pleasant what he was saying. He never really talked pleasant to me since I first met him though.....so that's nothing new. He laughed when I asked him why he attacked Bandit. He told me it was true that he attacked him first. He said he attacked him first because he could.... and because he hates Bandit. So that's really ridiculous.


End Trigger Warning

Feeling much better than I was last night.....Bandit is alright....Thank goodness! His wounds are healing already and look a lot better than they did. He said he has me to thank for that.

Still not sure where Rhino is.....but I'm kinda worried about how he's doing. We (Wolverine, David, Yondu, Matt, and I) did get close to finding him.....but he screamed at us and told us to stay back. It's understandable that he is mad due to the pain he's probably in......but he never should have attacked Bandit in the first place.

Bandit told me he was very mad at Rhino for spreading rumors about me......BUT it was NEVER his intention to hurt Rhino. He told me it was self defense. Which Rhino.... like I said before.... admitted he in fact did attack Bandit first.

(Sorry long entry)

I managed to find Rhino. He was very mad that I was able to. He told me to get away from him. I saw he had all of his armor removed (he had it on the ground beside him)....so he was just wearing a black sleeveless shirt and black shorts. He asked me if I came here to hurt him more. I told him that I came to help him. I showed him the first aid kit I had (the same one I used in the inner world for Bandit).

I asked him if it was alright if I walk over to him. I said I only want to try to help. He eventually said to come over. I then asked him if he was going to be nice to me.....or attack me when I got close to him. I told him that I'm the only one who knows where he is right now....but Wolverine, David, Yondu, and Matt are close-by looking for him as well. I told Rhino that I don't want him to get hurt anymore.....but if he tries anything they will find us within seconds and protect me. He laughed....but said he won't hurt me.

POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING
Bad Injury mention

Well when I got close I could see his injuries and it REALLY grossed me out. I physically felt sick and wasn't sure if I was going to throw-up in the inner world....outer world.....or both. He told me that I was overreacting. He said it wasn't that bad. I said it most certainly is BAD. The first aid kit I said is worthless for that kind of injury. Well Rhino said that he hurt himself more when he was prying the armor off of his leg. He said it cut him.....he said as much as he hates to admit it.....Half of the injury was his fault......NOT Bandit's.

Well I wasn't sure if it would work or not but I put my hands on the wound......which was beyond disgusting to me.....and tried to heal it. Well it didn't work 100%....but surprisingly it got a little better. I disinfected it with the first aid kit and wrapped his injury. I could sense David found us and was standing behind me watching. Rhino was in shock and I heard him keep asking David why I would help him.

Well I was still grossed out and was trying to find someplace to wipe my hands off (We were in the forest area). Well David pointed to a stream.......so I was relieved. I wanted to wash my hands so bad. Wolverine, Yondu, and Matt soon realized where we were and also came over. David was still talking to Rhino.


End Trigger Warning





Rhino eventually called me back over. He apologized to me for everything. He said he NEVER should have treated me that badly. He said that he still can't believe I would be so kind as to help him.....despite everything he did. He then asked if Bandit was alright. So that's cool. He might not be so bad after all. So there is still hope for us being friends. I told him that he looks so much better without the armor. He laughed about that.

Just got hit by EXTREMELY BAD denial feelings again........feel like I'm losing my mind again.


At least things are beginning to go back to the way they were before the rumors began. Maybe Rhino told everyone they weren't true. I don't know......but at least the others are talking to me again. That is a big relief.

Still though.....I'm not sure why the denial is so bad. There is WAY too much evidence to deny it.....but yet those thoughts keep popping into my mind. I just don't understand it. Feel like I'm losing my mind again.......because of the bad denial feelings......that makes me very sad.



Bad thing though is that the other troublemakers seem to be acting up again now. I heard them a little. UGH.......... Well at least the rumors seem to have stopped for now. That's one good thing anyway.

Wasn't going to write today due to extreme sadness.....today was a really bad day for that.....but I feel I must log what happened in the inner world. (sorry another long entry)


Well.....Some new guy came over. He apparently is a shape-shifter..... because he looked like me when he first came over. Then he took the form of one of my other personalities that I met before (Shadow)..... who also is a shape-shifter. I didn't think it was Shadow though.....I asked Wolverine and he told me that I was right. He said that he is trying to fool me into thinking he is shadow.....like he tried to fool the others into thinking he was me. (Not sure how....but all of the Shape-shifters are able to recognize each other immediately...... no matter what form they take) Also not sure why there are so many shape-shifters in the inner world.....but that's cool. (Wolverine, Bandit, David, Yondu, Matt, Mystique, Shadow, and this new guy (not sure his name) are the known shape-shifters so far.)

EDIT: Oh...by the way I want to mention that this new guy told me he has a "sick sense of humor". I feel like I don't even know what that means to be honest.......

Anyway.....Wolverine told me this new guy's name. He said it was Austin....But then the new guy yelled at him and told Wolverine that he changed his name. Wolverine asked him what he changed it to and the new guy got really mean. He said a lot of REALLY mean inconsiderate stuff to Wolverine and was trying to start a fight. I asked Wolverine to back down before a fight begins. I also asked Weirdo and Bandit to make sure Wolverine doesn't get into a fight with the new guy. The new guy was begging for one......which was ridiculous. I told everyone that I don't want to see anyone else get hurt. I was trying to create peace between them.

Then without warning........the new guy attacked me.......


Possible Trigger Warning
Mention of Violence, Fight, Pain description

It happened so fast I'm not sure what he did.......maybe he took dragon form or something I don't know exactly......but the new guy hit me so hard that I flew across the room (in the inner world) and slammed into the wall. All of my inner friends were horrified. Bandit came running over to see if I was alright......Wolverine screamed at the guy and charged him as well as my other friends. I even asked the guy what his problem was. I told him that I was trying to be nice to him and then he goes and does that. I told him that's beyond ridiculous! My inner friends chased him outside. Bandit especially was mad and went to get him (as soon as Steve came over to help me). He told me that there was no way he was going to let that guy get away with hurting me like that.

So yeah......Pretty much All of my inner friends went after that guy......except for a few of them. Steve, Angelica, and the real Shadow came over to make sure I was alright. To their relief I was.....even though I was in A LOT of pain....... (For some strange reason what happened in the inner world transitioned also to the outer world. I literally felt the pain in the body. It felt like I threw my hip out or something.....and I was limping for quite some time after that.)

Luckily, the pain eased now......but that was terrible.....Not to mention scary. Also it's NOT the first time I felt psychical pain from what happened in the inner world.


End Trigger warning



Not sure what is up with that. I guess I should've seen it coming based on how he was acting.....but yet I never thought he would do something like that.......especially not in front of all my inner friends. Not sure what happened when they got outside.....The whole situation made me sick.......but he was WAY outnumbered. When I asked Weirdo what happened he really didn't want to say for some reason. He just said the guy ran off......I figure Weirdo doesn't want to worry me.....but then again maybe the guy really did run. (There was a troublemaker a while back that acted really tough and wanted to start a fight......but once the fight came......he ran off before it began.....so maybe this guy did the same......I just don't know) Maybe that explains why Weirdo and some of the guys came back but a bunch of the others didn't yet.......maybe they are looking for him.

Bandit was too worried about me and came back when Weirdo did. I asked him to stay. He listened.... so I'm glad for that.

Very sad though.....I hate this (the seemingly constant fights lately). Why can't everyone just get along? It is my hope that eventually everyone will......it just seems very hard for that to happen right now.