Journey Thread: Ponyta (Ups & Downs)

How I'm feeling right now:


There were some issues....but otherwise it was pretty good day today.


Not sure where Weirdo, Bandit, and Wolverine went for half of the day (All I know is that they were hanging out)......I'm glad they are friends. I know they were getting to know each other better......So that's good. I also felt okay that they went somewhere.......being that the trouble-making ones weren't bothering me before they left.....however about an hour or so after they left.....the trouble-making ones closed in. They came over and begin telling me how crazy I am, etc........Ridiculous!

Well the good thing was that apparently the guys asked Matt to keep an eye on me. He came over a few minutes after the trouble-making ones. He told them to back off. He stood by my side until the guys got back......So that was cool. I could also sense that Brian was around somewhere in the distance watching (Brian normally watches me from a distance.....not sure why he won't let me get close to him. His self esteem is A LOT worse than mine though.)

Anyway.....I could tell that the guys (Weirdo, Bandit, and Wolverine) were worried when they got back. They apologized to me since the trouble-making ones bothered me while they were hanging out. They said they shouldn't have left. I told them that I was fine.....to not worry about it. Weirdo and Wolverine are my two main protectors....also my brothers in the inner world.....they need time out to relax. They been helping me with EVERYTHING and I feel they need to take time out for themselves. That's why I was glad that they went somewhere with Bandit.....but all 3 of them were worried that they should've stayed with me.

Matt talked to them and managed to calm their worry though. So that's good. The trouble-making ones either stopped talking like they were when Matt showed up.....or since he was standing in between us....maybe he blocked them somehow that I couldn't hear everything they were saying. Either way.....It wasn't bad. So I'm glad for that. Also glad that I know the guys had fun together. That's cool.

Not sure if this needs a trigger warning or not.........It has to due with "issues" regarding Bandit & Myself vs Nicole. Mean stuff was said and has to do with "relationship issues" brought up by Nicole. Please read with care (It could be sensitive what was being said.....don't want to trigger anyone).....mainly just venting

(I fully trust and believe what Bandit is telling me....so I know I have nothing to worry about) Nicole is just being completely intolerable right now.


Ridiculous....Nicole is getting on my case again. We were fighting each other over Bandit before and well he chose me. Bandit told both me and Nicole that he NEVER wants anything to do with her.....so he asked me to stop fighting her. Well I backed off (despite how she kept acting)......Nicole and I didn't talk at all for awhile after that.

Nicole just found out NOW that Bandit asked me to marry him and that I said yes (She wasn't invited to the party because Bandit knew she would cause trouble). Well NOW Nicole is being completely ridiculous again.......She came over and began saying all kinds of mean stuff. She told me that it wasn't finalized yet....that we didn't have the wedding yet. She said that he will change his mind and choose her over me. Bandit told me not to worry that he isn't going to change his mind AT ALL. I believe him. He says he knows for 100% fact that Nicole doesn't care about him at all. He said she just wants his money. He also said to not listen to the mean stuff she is saying to me. He told me that NONE of it is true. He said that I have a wonderful heart and that I'm nothing like Nicole.

He said that he knows for 100% fact that I care about him. He laughed and said that he knows I could care less about his money because he said he still remembers how I rejected him (When he was still being a trouble-maker). I knew he owned a Lamborghini, a Mansion, and was extremely rich because he told me so. I also saw his Lamborghini before.....he parked by me and Weirdo before to make sure that I saw it. Well, when he was still being a trouble-maker.... he threw a hint at me and bragged about that stuff. I told him outright that I could care less about that stuff and I walked away (I know it was probably rude how I said it but I didn't care at the time....he was just so repulsive to me).......I still remember the look on his face. He acted like he couldn't believe that I rejected him.......Now that I think back......Maybe that helped influence him to change his bad behavior too.....not sure


Anyway back to what I was saying earlier:

Bandit said something to Weirdo about Nicole. They both laughed.....I think he asked him for a restraining order against her because she won't stop bothering him or me for that matter. I tried to have a nice conversation with her earlier.....to try to ease the tension between us.....and well she just had to go and make me EXTREMELY MAD at her again. Every time now that I hear someone say that name (Nicole)....it makes my blood feel like it's boiling. I tried to be nice to her.....but it's JUST NOT working. She apparently must be nice to me first in order for change to happen between us....because I already tried to be nice to her and it just made me even more frustrated with her.

Also Weirdo and Bandit both pointed out to me that her name is the same as the one Bully from school. So that explains A LOT.....being the memory they shared with me regarding what the bully did. So yeah.....that doesn't help matters any. If anyone wants to know what happened....I can say....it's just very painful for me to think about.....but I was ready to face it. I was the one who asked them why I felt this way about her. She is the first one that I felt the need to "be mean with" (I feel that I must treat her badly)....but I know I must fight that urge. I really want to try to be her friend but this is going to be WAY HARDER to do. It's almost like I want to get revenge on her. I tried to bite my tongue earlier like I said. I really wanted to have a nice conversation with her (I had everything planned out.....but she just had to ruin it).


Anyway.....like I mentioned earlier......this was mainly just venting.......I'm not worried about Bandit changing his mind.....I trust him.

So anyway....I decided that I want to try to be Nicole's friend. Not sure how to do that though being how she gets me EXTREMELY MAD at her.

I asked Bandit for advice. He told me it is best to leave her alone for now (he doesn't want Nicole to ruin my day again)....but he told me again that I have a great heart for wanting to be her friend... despite how she is.


I feel like I should listen to Bandit.....but yet.....Nicole keeps bothering us. I feel like maybe if I'm able to be her friend then we could all get along. I just don't know what to do. I do know Bandit is right though.....more than likely she will ruin my day if I try talking to her right now.

Today was pretty good after all.....

I found out even more about the inner world. There are a bunch of different areas (Mountains, Forests, Beach, City, Desert, Etc.) My inner world apparently is huge.......I'm not even sure how big it is yet.

Bandit gave me a brief tour of the mountains. Well I saw one thing that kinda creeped me out a little (not sure why). The one area looked extremely familiar....like I was there before. I feel like maybe I saw that same exact place in one of my dreams before......not sure. I do know that Blaze lives in the mountains and I visited him there before.....but.....I know I didn't walk past that area (It was pretty far from Blaze's house).

Well then Bandit took me to the beach. That was really cool. I love how beautiful the scenery was. The beach looked extremely clean as well as the crystal clear water. Freedom and Romeo were hanging out on the beach as well. We talked to them for a little while. Then we went back to the "main building". (Not sure what to call it exactly......it's where everyone hangs out......everyone has a room there.....but they also have a house somewhere in the inner world.)

I forgot to tell Bandit that I've been wanting to see what the city looks like. So well he knows now. He said he will give me a tour of the city too. All I know about the city so far is that TJ, Scar, Bruiser, and Punisher live there. TJ lives a block away from Scar. Punisher and Bruiser are Scar's neighbors according to what I've heard anyway. I'm curious if any of the others have houses there too, and also what is there exactly.

Taking a tour of the inner world was fun. I'm curious what other areas there are and how big that world really is. I know Nightcrawler told me a while back that there is A LOT that I don't know yet. Oh, and Bandit told me that there are A LOT more Personalities that I didn't meet yet. He showed me an entire new area of the "main building" that I never knew was there before. There are A LOT of rooms there and I'm not sure who they belong to. So yeah......that is interesting.......

UGH....bad denial feelings bothered me again today for some reason.....feel like I'm losing my mind again.

Earlier today..... Nicole got thrown in the dungeon by Wolverine (supposedly for 1 day). Well she caused trouble in the inner world. She was mad at both Bandit and myself.....Mainly Bandit (Because he didn't go to her party last night. She didn't invite me. Bandit gave me a tour of the city last night instead). Well she came over and was going to destroy Bandit's Lamborghini (Probably my vehicles too which were parked next to his.....Not sure if I mentioned it before or not but Weirdo gave me a motorcycle a while back.....Bandit gave me a Lamborghini....which I didn't want to accept at the time because I told him it was way too much money and well we weren't close at that time either).

Anyway...... I noticed Nicole outside and realized what she was going to do. I told Bandit and he ran outside fast as well as Weirdo and Wolverine. Not 100% sure what happened.....but Bandit came back in a little later and thanked me. He told me that Wolverine was taking her to the dungeon because she got violent and attacked him. He's okay....but she supposedly said stuff which Wolverine felt the need to throw her in the dungeon. Not sure what to think. I feel like I should go there and visit her......but yet I also feel mad that she would do that.


Later in the day:


Not sure where Weirdo and Wolverine kept going with Bandit today.......but Bandit kept coming back every now and then to ask me a question. First he asked me if I liked Blue or Orange better. I told him it depends on the shade. He told me to wait a minute and then showed me a picture of the color. The orange was a bright, beautiful, shiny/glittery color, the blue was really pretty too but it was just plain. I told him that I really like both of them but the orange one is so much prettier. I said I love how the orange one sparkles. I said it makes it really unique, so between both of them I have to pick the orange one....I asked him why he wanted to know which one was my favorite between those two. He smiled and said it was a secret. Then he left.

He came back again a little later and asked me another question. He asked me if I liked Pink, Purple, or Green better. I asked him if that was for the same reason he asked me about the orange one. He laughed and said, "No. This is for something else." I told him again that it depended on the shade. Well I didn't really like the pink or purple one (wasn't a really pretty shade. It was more of a pale color). I told him that the green is so much prettier. He laughed and said he knows.....He said he was going to pick the green one....but he just wanted to make sure I felt the same way. (Not sure why he asked though.....being that he knows green is my favorite color.) Then he left again.

I'm pretty sure Bandit is shopping....and Weirdo and Wolverine are helping him.......not 100% sure, but I feel that is what they're doing. Probably for our Wedding. He is being very secretive about what he is doing.....so is Weirdo and Wolverine......so I feel like he wants to surprise me with something......Not sure what exactly though.

Ponyta wrote:she came over and was going to destroy Bandit's Lamborghini (Probably my vehicles too which were parked next to his.....Not sure if I mentioned it before or not but Weirdo gave me a motorcycle a while back....

Well, stuff in the inner world doesnt really have any value since it can be created so easily.
And ofcourse, repaired so easily.. since there is no actual work involved.
-You could just as well have thousands of lambourghinis floating in a ocean of money without a problem. Maybe it would be a better punishment for Nicole to swim in such an ocean than to be in the dungeon?

So... the only thing that matters on the inside is friendship and love between everyone, and thats a lot harder to create than material stuff..
btw, How is it going with the trouble-making ones?

Well, stuff in the inner world doesnt really have any value since it can be created so easily.
And ofcourse, repaired so easily.. since there is no actual work involved.
-You could just as well have thousands of lambourghinis floating in a ocean of money without a problem. Maybe it would be a better punishment for Nicole to swim in such an ocean than to be in the dungeon?

So... the only thing that matters on the inside is friendship and love between everyone, and thats a lot harder to create than material stuff..
btw, How is it going with the trouble-making ones?

Thanks for your reply.

I understand what you are saying. That's what I thought at first.....but I think that it is different in my inner world (Either that or none of us know how easy it is). I think that it follows some of the same rules as the outer world regarding money and material things. Not 100% sure....but if that WASN'T the case I'm wondering why Punisher got so mad before about his cellphone getting destroyed (in the inner world). I accidentally was the one that destroyed it....and he was very upset about that for a long time. He told me that he just bought it so I guess that is one of the reasons why.....but if it was so easy to fix (I don't understand why he didn't just fix it). He went out and bought a new one. Also a few other reasons make me question that theory. I've actually been wondering about that stuff for awhile. I know each of them (except for the children) have jobs in the inner world....so yeah...not 100% sure how everything works yet in my inner world.

As for the Dungeon: Not 100% sure why Wolverine felt the need to throw Nicole in there.....He was the one that made that decision....but as far as I know it was for safety reasons. She was supposedly released today....but I'm not sure.


Thanks for asking! As for the troublemakers: It's been really quiet today. I didn't hear any insults or anything like that so far today.....so yeah....not sure where they are.....but I'm NOT complaining. It is really nice to have a break for a little while.


I'm not sure where all of my inner friends are though. I normally see a lot of them during the day......but the only ones I saw today were: Rose, Matt, and Yondu. That is really unusual. I'm guessing that Weirdo and Wolverine are with Bandit again today.....but I don't know for sure. Hope everyone is alright. I did ask Yondu if he knew where everyone was and he acted like he did....but he said he can't tell me. So not sure what's up with that.....unless they all are helping Bandit with something and it's a secret.

Well....Weirdo and Wolverine just came over not that long ago. They said they were shopping with Bandit....but they said they can't tell me what they were buying. They said that is a secret. So yeah.....that's interesting. Still not sure where Bandit is though.

Well I was doing really good today.....that is until now:

I don't know what's wrong with me again......All of a sudden I feel extremely depressed and like I'm completely losing my mind. REALLY bad denial feelings again. What is wrong with me? I literally feel like I'm losing my mind. Bad feeling like my mind is being split in half again as well. Not sure what's up with that......it is a terrible physical feeling almost like one side of my skull/face is numb and the other side has a bad headache. SO Weird.........

Not cool....... So sad and terrible feeling of impending "doom". It's very similar to the feeling I used to get years ago.....when I had to go back to school the next day. Blue never wants to go back.....so it's more than likely her feeling.......but we told her how many times that she never has to worry about that anymore. She DOESN'T believe us.

This is a bad time of the year though for all of us. Especially Blue. They were playing Christmas music in the grocery store already and well.......that is a BIG Trigger for a lot of us. It brings back memories....Both happy and sad. But the one it affects the most seems to linger on the sad ones.....it throws the entire system out of wack.Like for some reason....we are perfectly fine listening to Christmas music every year for about a week or so before Christmas.....but hearing it so soon really messes with us. NOT 100% sure why. I guess it has to do with the memories....but I think there may be more to do with it though than just that. I don't know.

Feeling really crazy right now.....like I'm making it all up.....but yet I know there is no way I could be doing this. Also why in the world would I even want to agonizingly torment myself? UGH.....! Not doing good right now. Who is doing this to me? Okay.....that was strange. The second I asked "who is doing this" I felt a really strong feeling of amusement like I almost cracked up laughing. Yeah one of them is definitely messing with me right now......I just heard them and it most definitely isn't Blue. They just insulted me and now I feel really strange.....I guess I'm going to log off now because I don't feel so good. My vision is blurry and I feel sick now. Weirdo and Wolverine apparently know something's up....they are coming over.....so that's good. I can't see the one yet that is messing with me though.....not sure where they are....

Had a really good day today.....

A lot happened in the inner world today. Bandit and I had our wedding today (the 11th).....All of my inner friends came.....I even saw a bunch of them that aren't close to me yet. I saw later on that Nicole even came....but she was isolating herself from everyone and seemed sad. I walked over to her. She thought I was going to be mean to her based on what she said.....but I asked her to join us. (I've been wanting to be her friend....despite how I initially felt about her....but she made it way too hard) Well today she demanded to know why I would be so nice to ask her to join us....when she treated me so badly. Well after I gave her my response she hugged me without warning (which shocked me). There may be hope yet for us becoming friends.

Well 3 of the really bad troublemakers showed up too. I don't think they were invited....based on what they said....and they tried to make me feel awful. Bandit heard them and came over immediately. He told them what he thought about them....and told them to back off. He told them that they better not ruin my day or else. They told Bandit to chill. They said they were only having a little fun. Bandit yelled, "For who? Definitely NOT her! I don't find it funny at all either!" He told them not to mess with me and again to back off. Well they are scared of him....so they backed off. No one else dared to bother me today.


So yeah today was a really good day.