To those of you with 'Littles' - any advice please?

As you maybe aware of you read any of my previous posts. I (Thea) am current main host. The original self (who was born into this body) is trapped at the age of a teenager. Although she's not a 'little child' she had severe autism as a child so her 'emotional age' does not match her 'chronological age'.

When I stepped in/evolved (not sure what the term is for a new alter appearing/been found) Kit was at the stage, she was bright academically in specific areas of interest but had severely over sensitive hearing, was a selective mute and prone to 'meltdowns' if anything unexpected happened.

The physical body is now nearly 50 and she's pretty much the same! The only difference is because we've been so isolated for years due to other issues too she's been able to emerge much more than she had opportunity when we were teens. She's out most of the time at home and I'm usually only around when she's forced to interact with people to deal with life.

She wants to be out in public but hasn't the ability to cope by herself but keeps demanding that she wants more freedom. Her choice for live would be to isolate us further by moving somewhere even more isolated and cutting all contact with 'Maddie's friends (our previous host who I've recently taken over from), keeping contact only with immediate family members. I miss when we were active and had college and work and 'I' had a life and even relationships but then Kit only got to come out for a couple of hours in our bedroom when no-one else was about.


If you have 'littles' - referring here to the 'younger mindset' not been capable of handling all aspects of adult life, how do you balance things out? What makes you decide when they should appear or do they appear on their own or due to a trigger? and how much time they're allowed to stay out before you might need to go back to dealing with adult stuff (cooking, going to work or an appointment where the other person is expecting an adult/certain personality). Basically how do you manage the alters with less ability to understand things from your perspective?

I'm trying to work out how to balance our needs now Kit wants to have more of a life back too.

Thea

hey Thea,
just dropping one idea...
just because a part is not adult doesn't mean they can't think or are very smart.
we sometimes use the "chair of questions", like in a game show (not like an interrogation!)
asking younger parts questions that make them think further, think about the root of things and the results of action.
things like, what would you do there, what do you think that would be like for others, who will make your food there, and where does that come from, how will we earn money in that time, if you are front, who cannot be front, how will you plan to take over that parts tasks... has to be good questions that make them think and not feel like they are guided to come to only one conclusion.
sometimes Littles come up with cool ideas. sometimes they start to realize that there is more to life and that only having their wishes means they will not be taken care of anymore. it can also help you to understand what this wish is really about so you might find alternative solutions.

It's always a balancing act. The best analogy I've heard (may have been from Becca Bee) was to consider each alter to have a "jar". Consider it a jar of appreciation, fulfillment, etc. The jars don't always have to be full, but make sure none of them get empty. We try to do something to involve each insider at least every week or two.

There are 12 plus in my wife's system (depends on how you count) and we have 4 outside kids as well. We are always balancing needs... One thing that helps is that many have figured out how to be co-present. They may not be out fully, but are able to watch what is going on outside. When we do an activity that several of them enjoy, like a jigsaw puzzle, several of them will be watching, then take turns being fully out and putting pieces in. That took time and practice to figure out for sure!

With that said, we do not have everything worked out perfectly and life and events still interfere. Some of the insiders are only able to be out if I am there, then my schedule affects them more than others. (Though as they gain experience and understanding of the outside world, they become less reliant on me.) Then it really boils down to negotiation and diplomacy.

Thanks to you both for answering. I guess we're having a bit of an identity crises with one host leaving and struggling to work out who we are, who we want to be and the fact we both seem to want very different things at this point of our lives.