Feeling irrelevant

I've been thinking about posting on this subject for a a while now and I'm not really sure if I'm going to submit this. I think this subject would probably be triggering for some.

I've or I think probably we have been struggling with feelings of importance and relevance. It's comes and goes so I think it might be coming from inside somewhere but I don't know the source and we haven't been communicating well either so it's hard to say.

Often when I want to respond to someone on here but before I can even start typing I will feel like it doesn't matter. My thoughts are to unimportant to insignificant to be worth sharing. When I think about taking to the others in here with me I feel similar that I'd be wasting there time and bothering them with my inane thoughts.

I think it comes from being denied the right to think and feel and express myself growing up. It's not like a persecutor part telling these things but more like when Nixie used to flood us with fear. Like someone's beliefs are overriding our own. And I know it would really help to reach out and help them but the way they are making me feel makes me feel like I can't no matter how much I might want it to be different. I've also felt a presence in my mind a few times but when I try to focus on them my mind slides right over them and I can't get a fix and they disappear. I think it's the same person.

The writing extends to the journal as well we have never been good at writing in it. So I'm hoping they are looking now as I type this because if I can't focus on them in my mind I can't talk to them even if the feelings of being unimportant would let me. Whoever you are you are important to me and I thank you for holding such strong feelings for so long and I would really like it if you would talk to me.

everybody has a right to be here. and to have their feelings. and to have a vote. and to have a voice.

they matter. you matter. everybody matters.

sometimes there are messed up people who will make you think that your thoughts and feelings don't matter. that their needs are more important.

but the world is for every one to have kindness and work together. that's the way it's designed. everything is important. the bugs, the trees, the dirt, fire, death, birth, the sun, the night, the tides, the wind, the birds in the sky, the fish in the sea, and all the parts of you are here for a reason.

your thoughts and feelings are important, because YOU MATTER.

You are indeed important. So important that I don't even have time lately to post on this site, but I decided to post on yours and one other only. Yes what you say is important. Yes anything you mention or any type of help you try to give is very important. Remeber that you do matter and you are a important person either online or offline in your real life. All of you (alters included) are important.

And I second everything Becca said.

I have a similar thing. This is how I view it. We are all irrelevant or important, every person on the planet. It depends how you look at it. Either we're all completely irrelevant living on a giant spinning rock and no one cares or there is a higher power, a plan and everything holds relevance or importance.

With expressing self I choose if I "want" to say something or do something or not. It's either irrelevant or important, I don't know, so I just say or don't say, take time or dont take time depending on if I "want" to.

Even if I extrapolate that idea to people who have made a great impact on history - if its important wouldn't someone else have done it if they didn't or didn't exist? And if nothing is important than it wouldn't matter if it happened or not. So no one is more relevant or important than anyone else either way.

The other day I was thinking about the stories that get made up internally. Shouldn't I write them? Won't I regret not writing them? And an annoyance swept over me and a sort of message - we will write them if its enjoyable not out of fear of not writing them. As for other people reading them, well would that matter or not matter - who knows.

I do however think it's healthier to put importance on own life and needs and we'll being. It's healthier imo because if we don't put our own importance on those things then how can we expect anyone else to - we don't expect them to anyway but no one else would even know where to start if we didn't do that ourselves to an extent without it inversely effecting others. Although we all effect others by words and actions. Right thought, right word, right action is important to me but that's near on impossible to do all the time because be that aware and that careful and knowing what's right near impossible. And sometimes a seemingly wrong action or word is the right one.

Anyway my general gist is we're all as important or as irrelevant as eachother.

Hi Nyx,

Thanks for posting. I've been feeling the same thing lately and you put it in words. That made it easier to understand. It really helped.

Iain

Thank you everyone for the kind words it was really nice and good to wake up and read them. We read and reread parts of this thread a lot when we woke up and wanted to write a reply straight away but it was to hard like we couldn't quite believe that people meant the nice things that were said. So we ended up hugging the phone and reading the parts of the thread that had the most impact again. Thank you all again.

Iain you are all your parts are important, are relevant, are significant and we really like to read your posts.

NyxX, your advice/guidance on this website has benefited me personally tremendously. Not only your answers to my posts but your answers to others about questions I didn't know to ask.
I'm 100% sure there are countless other who find you relevent and a very positive influence in there lives. Thank you NyxX.

I'm honored to have been able to help you and a little overwhelmed for your kind words thank you.

what you say matters, you give great advice and it's helped me a lot to read your responses not just in my threads but in other people's too. it's also nice knowing there's someone else here from the UK who understands how sh*t the NHS is

being there for other people can be exhausting, so make sure you and the others take time for yourselves too.

Thank you and it's not just the NHS but everything the government pays for its like they are trying to run us into the ground but I'm getting distracted.

I want to say I don't usually have issues with my confidence but that's not true its just not usually this bad. The new part is definitely messing with the balance which is fairly fragile.

I know right now that we are loved and smart and I know how much I appreciate everyone here. Because everyone has helped me make sense of my life not just when responding to me but when I see things they post that we relate to. So part of me feels not surprised that I can help others just like they help me I mean that's the whole point of the forum right. But lately my feelings and my knowledge and understanding have been lost in someone else's feelings and beliefs a day I'm struggling to connect and communicate with them and that makes it hard to deal with and let it flow around me. And it's affecting my ability to communicate with the others as well and that makes it harder because I'm feeling alone.