Quality of life verses Disorder

When I realised I fitted alot in as a teenager and also realised I had "issues" after focuses on why, what other issues this caused and resolving them, creating a good internal communication system my thoughts went to quality of life.

So I wouldn't say I'm integrated but I'd say I'm as integrated as I want to be. The reason for this is quality of life. I fit alot in. I've had "upset" ie blips, hospital but not for about 5 years. But aside from brief upset I have fitted alot in. I have a good quality of life.

So while still technically "disordered" by mainstream definition and yes I do worry of what I call "illness" ie scrambled and in hospital I love my life.

The only hurdle I haven't tackled is having a successful romantic relationship. This is for many, probably largely obvious reasons. But again this feels ok to me. Full happy life, terrible love life suits me basically. Ideally it'd be nice to have a successful romantic relationship but I found it causes my system issues, creates stagnation of self and I eventually find it unfulfilling.

Anyway Quality of life verses Disorder? Do you think it's more important to "resolve" the disorder or to have quality of life (if both are not possible). Also I guess how many people find up sides to this disorder? I accepted it, manage it and see upsides but some people don't. If "loosing" this disorder ie becoming integrated effected your quality of life for the worst over all which would you pick - disorder or integration?

Sarandipity wrote:When I realised I fitted alot in as a teenager and also realised I had "issues" after focuses on why, what other issues this caused and resolving them, creating a good internal communication system my thoughts went to quality of life.

So I wouldn't say I'm integrated but I'd say I'm as integrated as I want to be. The reason for this is quality of life. I fit alot in. I've had "upset" ie blips, hospital but not for about 5 years. But aside from brief upset I have fitted alot in. I have a good quality of life.

So while still technically "disordered" by mainstream definition and yes I do worry of what I call "illness" ie scrambled and in hospital I love my life.

The only hurdle I haven't tackled is having a successful romantic relationship. This is for many, probably largely obvious reasons. But again this feels ok to me. Full happy life, terrible love life suits me basically. Ideally it'd be nice to have a successful romantic relationship but I found it causes my system issues, creates stagnation of self and I eventually find it unfulfilling.

Anyway Quality of life verses Disorder? Do you think it's more important to "resolve" the disorder or to have quality of life (if both are not possible). Also I guess how many people find up sides to this disorder? I accepted it, manage it and see upsides but some people don't. If "loosing" this disorder ie becoming integrated effected your quality of life for the worst over all which would you pick - disorder or integration?

This is something I've pondered for myself before. The conclusion we've come to is that it's better for us to be like this. And here's why...

I've never really been very well adjusted. Sure I did great in high school as far as grades went. But I didn't really fit in. We moved around a lot (military family) so I never had any close friends. As an adult I was never really happy either. Not truly.

Meeting my husband was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was truly happy for the first time ever. Then my others started making themselves known to him. When they did this, I found out about them when he told me he met them. Once I got passed the really scary feelings and feeling like my world had been turned upside down, and with Delilah's help (my inside helper) we all learned how to work as a team, and manage our life TOGETHER. And like you said, I fit in more, simply because I have access to these other parts. I'm quite shy in a new crowd, but Britney is very social. I'm very disorganized, but Delilah can keep us on task. When I'm feeling overwhelmed and stressed, Delilah can take over while I retreat to get myself re-centered. Or, in the right situation, Little Wolf can come forward, and she only cares about basic needs and she's easily amused. Lilly is great with kids, because she's a 5 year old, so she can play and talk to them on their level, and when she's fronting, if our husband isn't with us, Delilah watches over her and can switch out if needed.

This is the healthiest I've ever been mentally and emotionally. We don't want to integrate. We're mostly happy with the way things are, and our husband loves each part dearly and says he would miss anyone of his girls who "went missing," or was absorbed into another.

For me, this "disorder," IS the ORDER. Does that make sense?

And the upsides... I just mentioned them. I can be whatever version of "me" I want to be. I've accepted that I'm different from singletons, and from acceptance I was able to move onto "making it work."

Example: I failed out of college the first time (right out of highschool), partly because of the then-diagnosed DID. But now, here I am, getting ready to graduate (in December). I'm a better mom since figuring out about the others...because Delilah is awesome at helping me. She has a lot of patience, but she isn't afraid to discipline. I never could discipline appropriately because of the trauma in my past. So for a while my kids were unruly.

My husband likes certain intimate things that I can't give him, but Britney loves those things he wants and craves and needs them.

SO... for me, I'm finally at a place in my life that "works." Largely because of the compartmentalized way DID works.

K

-- Thu Aug 16, 2018 8:37 am --

I wanted to add, another thing that I see as an upside.

Britney is 17. She's a teenager who's in love for the first time. So she loves hard, deeply, and passionately.

Adults often tell teenagers that they don't know what love is. I disagree. I think that first love, teenagers love hard and fast because they haven't been hurt, so they aren't jaded or careful, they don't have walls around their heart, and that's why that first heartbreak hurts so badly.

But Britney never went through that... as a result, she loves our husband with an unbridled passion that I cannot even describe. She's a part of me that loves with total abandon. ... and that's pretty damn special and unique, if you ask me.

K

Hi K,

I think it's not about having DID or not. It's about how you do it. We used to mess up a lot but now we're better at being a team. Host is always the last to figure that out.

Iain

I have diagnosis having DID, but I myself think I have DDNOS, because I don't loose control. When I first started to have these other people inside my head, they were all in the different worlds. They lived in the same city, but it wouldn't be possible for them to meet each other, because in the way they didn't exist in the same world at all. It just didn't feel right for them to meet each other. At some point that changed, and the parts changed too, and all parts on the inner world now do know each other. All teens, except for one, are living in the same house, and the adults I have, are working in there. This one boy who doesn't live inside the house, knows people inside the house, so they all know each other. (How ever I do also have parts who live in my body, and them I don't know, they are not part of the inner word I'm talking about.) I think it is a good thing that the people in the inner world now know each other, I don't have to be in so many places in my mind at the same time anymore. I have also let them somehow now to come closer to me and the body, and I've started to function a lot better because of that. (And also my psychiatrist finally found a medication that really helps me.)

Relationships are a problem to me too. It's mostly because most of my parts are teen age guys. They are almost all bi-sexual or gay, and I am a straight woman. But actually, I can not see myself in relationship, for many reasons that are caused by this condition. My only adult female part is BDSM dominant, and others are guys, so I would want to be treated as a guy, or to be in control, but in a way that is not my trait. The straight males I have, their sexuality has very little to do with my body, and I think my sexuality is sexuality of my teen boys' and this adult woman's, but non of them is me. Like I said somewhere before, I am them, but they are not me.

I thought for many years I live on my own, without any relationships, because of my own free will. I hate it when people think I am single, because to me it sounds like I was looking for someone, but haven't found, and that has never been the case. I spend my time in the inner world, and get tired very easily around real life people (but this seems to be changing now). I could not live in the same apartment with another person. Also I am ridiculously scared of commitment. I get anxious and feel like someone is asking way too much commitment from me, if I have promised to go on a date. It doesn't feel right, it feels like a chore I need to do. Thinking about relationship feels like I've promised to take care of someone, and that I can not do. I can't use people to support me at all, when I'm not feeling well, I need to be alone, because I can't take care of others then, and I can't be supported and taken care of by others at all. So I came to realize, it's not just a free choice of mine not to have relationships, because I really don't have a choice.

My goal is not to have a relationship. My goal is to become someone, who is able to have a relationship, and then I can really freely choose, if I want it or if I don't.

I want to have a life of my own, I don't want to live just inside my mind anymore, being someone else. But I do not want to lose my inner world either. I just want to be more one, have ability to live life as someone, but still have the ability to access my creativity, which is now trapped in the inner world.