Inner world

Floralie wrote:Hi K, and thank you for answering even when it took so much time and effort. I've learned from these kind of forums, that I am way too slow writer, and the time I get finished with my messages, the system has usually kicked me out already, assuming I'm not doing anything. Therefor I always copy my texts before trying to sent them, because I know how frustrating it is when it all disappears. I think that is the only way to get long messages thru, copy them, sign in again, paste and send.

Maybe that's what happened. But it was still annoying. LOL

K

So my others/alters, have a very detailed "inner world". They have entire lives there- children, several of them are married to other parts. It's amazing to me how detailed their lives are once I came to know that they were alters. They had lives that seemed so vivid and real, like any other person.

I asked Pixie about it once, the one that's been around "Forever. Like forever forever." and seems to be the most "in the know" of all my alters. She described the world as "very real, yet video game like". That it's condensed and less detailed than the outer world. She said that watching out the window one day on the way to the house (while she was "out") that it amazed her just how much "stuff" was EVERYWHERE. Small roads, train tracks, trees, animals, cars, houses, litter... just little things. Stuff she said they have and see, but not nearly to the constant every single inch of the world scale the outer world has.
She likened it to a game world like Skyrim or GTA or something (the latter I've never played). You see buildings, houses, people, cars, etc. But MOST of it is just "filler" or "scenery" to be like a world, and there's only some places full of "life-like detail" and she said they feel like the world inside, while so very real and certainly the mainstay of reality inside, it's not nearly as "epic" as the outer world is. She said some places are just as detailed (or more so) but those are not the norm.

I can't say for sure, b/c like many others here, I've never seen the inner world. I HOPE to some day be able to. I'd love to see, touch, and hold my alters- such dear friends for so very long. To see and touch their children. To see their homes, their families- many of whom I'd had contact with over the years. It would be something amazing to get to know them and their lives more deeply and in a way that I can relate to them as friends more like before again.

Zor wrote:I can't say for sure, b/c like many others here, I've never seen the inner world. I HOPE to some day be able to. I'd love to see, touch, and hold my alters- such dear friends for so very long. To see and touch their children. To see their homes, their families- many of whom I'd had contact with over the years. It would be something amazing to get to know them and their lives more deeply and in a way that I can relate to them as friends more like before again.

I "see" in my inner world in a way, but it's not like actual seeing. It's just that I know how things look like, and I imagine them in my mind. I have pictures of most of my parts who live in the inner world, and pictures of their homes, many of them have had their faces from pictures I've seen, celebrities maybe, or I just have an image in my head how do they look like and I collect pictures of people who reminds me of them physically. I have drawn ground plans of the houses they live in etc. When I'm thinking about inner world and parts, I usually stare at the photos or videos or what ever I have of "them". But I do not have a body in the inner world, I don't exist there at all. I can not enter there for real. I would also love to be able to REALLY see them face to face and touch them. I think if I could, I would never come back in this life again. Maybe that is why I can't. Someone has to keep us alive.

Sometimes I have dreams, and I am one of them in the dream. People treat me like I was them and it feels so good. But even in those dreams I still have my own body, and I get aware of the discrepancy of how my body looks like and who "I pretend to be", even when people don't seem to notice. I would love to actually be one of them even in a dream for real. Or see them in a dream as themselves. For some reason I can not. I don't know why, because I have a lot lucid dreams and I can control what happens in them. But there are some things my mind just doesn't let me do, even when I can do a lot. I can change myself into a wolf, I can fly when ever I like to, but I can't change my body to be one of theirs. And I can not have a penis. It just doesn't happen. Something in my mind is stopping me from that.

I would also love to be able to be seen as them in the real world even one time. Even when my body is wrong, it would feel SO right to be able to be in presence of someone who would see them and not get stuck with this wrong body of mine.

-- Mon Aug 20, 2018 8:34 pm --

Just an off-topic comment in here. I am "monitoring" myself, like I have been lately a lot to get to the root of this thing. There are very clearly too different mind states. The one when I am the female who has these "imaginary people" or parts in her head, but who is female herself, and the state I am in now, when it feels f I could just have a body of one of my boys, I would live his life happily ever after.

Floralie wrote:I "see" in my inner world in a way, but it's not like actual seeing. It's just that I know how things look like, and I imagine them in my mind. I have pictures of most of my parts who live in the inner world, and pictures of their homes, many of them have had their faces from pictures I've seen, celebrities maybe, or I just have an image in my head how do they look like and I collect pictures of people who reminds me of them physically. I have drawn ground plans of the houses they live in etc. When I'm thinking about inner world and parts, I usually stare at the photos or videos or what ever I have of "them". But I do not have a body in the inner world, I don't exist there at all. I can not enter there for real. I would also love to be able to REALLY see them face to face and touch them. I think if I could, I would never come back in this life again. Maybe that is why I can't. Someone has to keep us alive.

I have a good idea what my alters look like b/c for years I knew them as friends, unaware they weren't actual people somewhere in the world- and they found and shared photos to share to give me a sense of what they look like. I've seen rough sketches of floorplans, too. So I have an idea of what some of their houses look like, from their descriptions and depictions, and of them from the photos they've shared. It's fascinating to me, honestly.
I am unsure about "going there" myself. IDK if it's possible or not, but in a way I hope it is. I don't know, for example, where _I_ go when one of them are "out"... Something I haven't figured out yet.