Dont know where to put this

So I am in therapy and my therapist thinks I was sexually abused. I dont remember any. I have dissociated while my old therapist mentioned it. I want to remember so I can heal but whenever my thoughts start going about the what ifs. I tell myself to Stop! and Shut up! I know I dont have DID but I was wondering if my brain just cant handle it. Sorry I didnt know where to post this.

Another thing I have noticed since adulthood but exspecially the last two years. Im 42 is that I do not where pajamas to bed. I where my clothes. I do live in a group home. I just feel like if i were to die, get sexually assulted, or go unconscious I dont want to be in pajamas I feel very vulnerable. I was not like this as a child though but I did always have to be covered by a blanket.