I saw something that ###$ my world up *tw*

trigger warning - neglect abuse


*********TW********

so I went to visit my pop, which I hate doing. this time his stepdaughter came over with three of her four children. I witnessed what I think was abuse? I am deeply unsettled.

there are 4 children by 3 father's. the mother is uneducated and ignorant. the youngest child (m,4) was constantly smacked as a form of sporting amusement. I saw the oldest child (F,13) hit him at least 20 times maybe a great deal more including several shots to the head with magazines.

the mother did nothing to curtail this behavior. I spoke up. I heard them say things like "cut your head off", "smack his face", "throw him down the stairs." the child was standing with the mother while she sat and the oldest had a fly swatter and said, "turn him around" and the mother did and she started to beat him. I was sickened and disgusted. I spoke up several times, but everyone ignored it. it ###$ my world up. my daughter saw it, she was upset. 4 year olds are the sweetest most loving things by nature and this one is apparently just smacked around endlessly for entertainment. not misbehavior. there is no discipline for misbehavior. just smacking for amusement.

did I witness abuse? I was disgusted. is there anything I can do? I don't think DSS would intervene. they aren't physically bruised and they looked clean enough.

I wanted to just save this child so bad. I wanted to scoop him up and tell him it wasn't his fault. my limited interaction with him he almost looked confused. like no one had ever been kind and loving and he wasn't sure to believe it or what it meant. yes, he was a wild screaming hellion who hit back but what I saw horrified me. an innocent child being destroyed. I wanted to scoop him up and tell him it was wrong and it wasn't his fault and nobody should ever hit anyone else. how the ###$ do these adults not realize what the ###$ they are doing????!!!!!!!! should I have just emphatically stated this was abuse and I wasn't going to witness it? I didn't know what to do. I was so shocked. I spoke up several times and they all basically didn't answer and just ignored me. I said hitting was wrong. I said they were hurting him. I said it was teaching him to hit others. I said it could damage his brain. nobody listened while a child was being smacked around. God I wish I had done something!!!!!!

what the ###$ do I even do? can I do anything? if I can't do anything how do I cope?

I've thought about calling social services. kidnapping him myself. sending her parenting books in the mail. it was a first hand glimpse of intergenerational trauma. the mother was raised by alcoholics who were raised by alcoholics.

it made me remember how my middle brother was taunted, beaten, and tormented for sport and amusement. I vaguely remember reading about roles in abusive households and how one is the scapegoat.

what I saw broke my heart and ###$ my world up. I debriefed my daughter. we had a talk about abuse and how what she saw was wrong. I want to never see any of them again. including my biological father. I don't give a ###$ how pathetic, sick , old, and lonely that monster is.

please help me wrap my mind around this highly triggering #######4 and just what in the actual ###$.

Holy $#%^ that's awful!

I... I don't know what to do or say. I thinkk the right answer is to call social services? Like... There's a huge push to ignore it, none of my business, don't get involved... and I know it'd cause a whole lotta trouble for everyone else involved, but that poor kid... that's just wrong.

Im so sorry you had to witness that but I think you do gotta do something.

V2

and now I'm just pissed. my gut instinct is that DSS won't do a ######6 thing. so I checked the state laws and those bastards won't do a ######6 thing!!!!!! because what I saw isn't illegal. it's just ###$ up enough to still be allowed.

WHAT THE ######6 ###$!!!!!!! HOW IS THIS THE ######6 WORLD WE LIVE IN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?@?!?

HOW THE ###$ DO WE LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE ITS OKAY TO DESTROY CHILDREN?!?! AND HIT THEM FOR NOTHING. BECAUSE ITS OKAY TO SMACK THEM AROUND AND ###$ EM UP.

YOU JUST CANT GROSSLY INJURE THEM. OR LET THEM DIE. THATS ABOUT IT. WHAT I SAW DOESNT "COUNT" ITS NOT BAD ENOUGH?????? EHAT THE ###$ ###$ ###$ ###$ ###$ ######6 ###$ ###$?????? ######6 #####& AND ######6 #######4 WHY CANT I SAVE HIM??? WHY DIDNT ANYBODY SAVE ME? OR YOU? OR ANY OF US?!?!?!?! ITS A ######6 EPIDEMIC AND IT JUST GOES ON AND ON

maybe God should just nuke the whole ######6 world and start over.

-- Sat Aug 04, 2018 8:10 pm --

and also - i dont know one ######6 person who wasnt abused in a foster home. and I don't know a single foster parent who isn't a crazy asshole.

###$ this ######6 world. I don't want to be a part of it.

my brain is spinning for how I could get through to this MOTHER. that she is teaching her children abuse. but the ignorance level is so high I don't know how I could. and then I think about how many children in my town are treated like this? how many in my state? how many children in this country are going hungry? cold? don't have clothes? told they are ugly, stupid, and worthless?

how many children in the WORLD are starving and exploited? I can't take it. I can't ######6 take it. this is why I keep my head in the sand. I CANNOT HANDLE THIS $#%^. what the ###$? why? what the ###$!!!!!

I think you should still call and report it. Maybe there will be a note made of it so when another call is made someday (very likely), there's a paper trail. Or maybe they will investigate to confirm that there are no bruises. Any kind of mark on the body gets their attention in my county.

Or call the police and make a report so they have the names and address.

You might feel better if you are able to give the details to an authority, even if they won't do anything, because then at least you've done what you can.

I agree that it is completely f*cked up!! And it's intergenerational, like you said. All we can do is stop it from being passed on to our own kids. Which you are doing, admirably.

I'm sorry that you had to be there for that. And how frustrating that they didn't even have enough shame to stop it when called out by you. That's actually very scary and doesn't bode well for him. Also, that 13 yo probably didn't learn that behavior from thin air.

that's food for thought. like maybe I could be a drop in an ocean. I don't know their address or anything but I think I know the last name and what town they live in. the boy is starting pre-kindergarten and I thought about calling the school and asking them to watch the child for "reportable" signs.

I know her two oldest girls were taken once before on suspicion of sexual abuse and then returned. a teacher witnessed inappropriate play behavior. **I think** about 6 years ago? I heard it all 2nd hand but I remember then she didn't even seem upset about it. just shrugged it off like some administrative hoops she had to jump through.

I would be ######6 LIVID if my child was taken. especially if she may have been abused by another caregiver. I would ######6 kill the person who laid hands on my child and never look back.

anyway - I don't know if history in the system would advance the complaint?

social services came to my house as a kid several times. they never did a ######6 thing. hell - I remember hanging out with the cops when my mom kicked me out waiting for a ######6 ride. they never did a ######6 thing either except ask me to play my guitar. I think I'm all triggered because it brings back memories. I'm dumping all my $#%^ on the forum tonight.

-- Sat Aug 04, 2018 8:32 pm --

also does it make a ######6 difference if the system does intervene? is the system good for ######6 anyway?

and what I saw IS abuse, right?

BeccaBee wrote:that's food for thought. like maybe I could be a drop in an ocean. I don't know their address or anything but I think I know the last name and what town they live in. the boy is starting kindergarten and I thought about calling the school and asking them to watch the child for "reportable" signs.

That's a really good idea. These kinds of things often get noticed by teachers.

BeccaBee wrote:social services came to my house as a kid several times. they never did a ######6 thing. hell - I remember hanging out with the cops when my mom kicked me out waiting for a ######6 ride. they never did a ######6 thing either except ask me to play my guitar. I think I'm all triggered because it brings back memories. I'm dumping all my $#%^ on the forum tonight.

Of course you're triggered!! Even if you hadn't been abused, what you witnessed would be disturbing to ANY DECENT HUMAN!!

And dump away!! These are all very valid feelings as far as I'm concerned. I'm trying not to think too hard about what you described because it's so upsetting. So it's natural to BE UPSET!

BeccaBee wrote:also does it make a ######6 difference if the system does intervene? is the system good for ######6 anyway?

and what I saw IS abuse, right?

Yes, it's abuse. Emotional and physical. I don't have any doubt about that.

Make sure your littles are ok after having to go through seeing that. I think mine are asking to have Dear Little Ones read to them again tonight--even just from hearing about it second-hand. We had a lot of bad stuff happen when we were four. Although not physical or sexual abuse. "Just" emotional.

As to whether it makes a difference--that's a good question. I guess if a situation is bad, at least it's being changed somehow (if they REALLY intervene, as in opening a case). So if it's being changed, there's a chance it could get better. Hopefully more of a chance of it getting better rather than worse, but that's always a possibility.

thank you gangs. I don't know about that book but the little bs are very glad you remember them and we will find the book now.

we did just get a bunch of stuffies, so that's good.

dragon stuffies!!!!! rrrawwrrr!!!!

I like the idea of calling the school. I think his teacher will care. and she could do something if she knows to keep an eye on him. and a report from a teacher with obvious signs of abuse will be taken seriously. and it's better than doing NOTHING. parts of me really feel like it's so unforgivable to do nothing.

and the self preservation part of me wants to stay far, far away from all of that.

Is there someone else that might be able to help. Like if it was in the UK I'd call the NSPCC (a charity that fights for abused kids) if I thought social services wouldn't help.

-- Sun Aug 05, 2018 12:28 pm --

I Googled for an American equivalent. I don't know how good they are

https://americanspcc.org

Hi Bs,

That's really bad. You're right to be super angry. I HATE it when people think it's funny to mess up little kids. Hitting's NOT funny! (We're kind of triggered right now but that's ok.)

I knew you would help your kid understand what happened. That's seriously important work and you can do it really great. Don't forget the inside kids. They get really scared sometimes by what you see. And don't forget the teens that want the world to be a better place - only it's not and that S*CKS!

There's video on Youtube with the author reading "Dear Little Ones". It's really good and helps the Littles.

Sorry you got triggered and it's ok to vent all you want.

Iain

thank you friends. this really ###$ me up.

thanks for support and advice and looking out for my littles.

the world is a ###$ up place. we are going back to our bubble.