which is this?

Is this an example of dissociating, depersonalisation or derealisation?

so for a long time the front 'host person was 'Maddie'. After 15 yrs we learned the reason she was created no longer existed (to cope with a specific diagnosis) the physical body no longer has that condition so there Maddie isn't needed. Maddie was on social media but the account has been deactiviated.

It's come the attention of the current hosts that people who knew Maddie are wondering if something happened to her. 'We no longer see ourselves or this physical body as Maddie, to us it's like we watching someone look for someone else.

Our main worry is one person knows the actual address of Maddie (she was friends when with his sister when she believed she had the same condition and they exchanged birthday and xmas cards) He could in theory drive here if he was worried, then we can't answer the door and say Maddie doesn't live here because he will see this body as the perosn he knows as 'Maddie'. it's the same for Maddie's friend who usually visits xmas and birthdays. 'We' have no real desire to see this person. (To us this is like if you moved into a new house and someone who knew the previous occupants still wants to come in and hang out in your house cos they were always round there before!)

It seems Kit's war scenario is the only likely way we could disappear without these people (providing they survived) not requiring a death certificate to prove the death of the actual physical body they know as Maddie.. Of course the physical body hasn't actually died it's just got new tenants !

so what do you call this when you're reading posts from people looking for Maddie and you no longer see yourself as the person they are looking for? How do you break the connection? Should we pretend to be family emailing them and say Maddie died so they'll stop asking? .. are we stuck pretending to be Maddie answering them with some excuse and having to end up going back on as Maddie and staying in touch with these people to avoid more intrusive questions from them? (These people have no idea we are more than one or even that Maddie is not this body's real name! Kit is not willing under any circumstances to reveal this.)

Has anyone else ever had a single host up front for many years then switched and been stuck in the old life with the people your last host considered 'friends'? How do you 'break away' from your last host's life and start a new one that your new host wants to live?

Our previous host was 'here' for like 25 years or something, she made a lot of online friends and had a big presense. NOt so much in social media but in other ways. Forums etc.

And people noticed when she vanished, and people started asking.

Eventually we posted on her blog that she was gone, and then V1 wrote a big long thing that actually explained all about our DID and that Stephanie never knew she was just 'one part of a group' sort of thing. V1 chickened out about publishing the post but eventually I went ahead and published it when she was gone for a few days.

That's probably way too much into the 'reveal all' sort of thing, but we didn't feel right just leaving it as a loose thread. We've had close friends (or we thought they were) just up and vanish without a trace from online and it really sucks. It still happens of course but... meh.

Anyways, that's what we did. Just went full-on truth about it. It's worked out ok so far,nobody has given us any grief over it. We've had a couple people respond to it with kindness and understanding.

As for as the question dissociating / derealization / depersonalization, I don't think the overall scenario fits any of those categories? It's just logistics or whatever, dealing with stuff.

As for how we broke away from previous host's life, in some ways we didn't. We still do her job, live in her house, deal with her family, and enjoy friendships with her friends.

What we've done though is make her life, ours. We've legally changed the body name to Violet. V1 and I don't have to pretend to be Stephanie any more. So for work, paying bills, banking, etc etc, we can do it all under our name instead of hers. We've told a handful of our closest friends and they've stuck with us through this. It wasn't easy, both our best friends have had difficult moments adjusting, but they've accepted it. Our family is a lot more difficult but whatever.

If you want to live your life differently, then just do it? But I don't think you should lie to folks about it. If you don't want to maintain friendships with Maddie's friends, I think you should either be honest about it, or just be quiet about it. I think doing some sort of phony death thing would be a bad idea. This is just my opinion but I think an elaborate lie would be more hurtful, and more potential for problems.

Anyways, people change and move on, even singletons.

V2

we don't need to change our real name as Maddie was 'technically' only a screen name. The people we pay our bills to etc have never met us in person they just take money from the bank.

Without winning the lottery or a major inheritence just moving and been able to buy anywhere (especially the exclusively private kind of places Kit wants - high walls. electric gates, back garden straight into woods or field literally on our non-overlooked doorstep kind of thing) is not going to happen.

I (Thea) don't want to leave this house because it has the memories of almost 10 years with our old dog and we've already left one place that had her early memories. Technically the physical body is still disabled and still has physical health issues, so there's no reason why we shouldn't be able to stay. It's going to take at least 6 months to see if we can reverse some things that Maddie let get so bad for me to know whether the body can make a partial or complete recovery... physically at least. I think Kit's autism will always be a major obstacle with how far we can get due to her extreme sensitivities and exposure anxiety.

I'm thinking of trying to get away end of season to a campsite or private holiday home within a short distance from a beach. Firstly to see if the physical body could cope with the regular short walks by then where nobody knows us and secondly for Kit to see how much of the outside world she really can actually cope with. She wants to take over but doesn't want to deal with people, she only wants to go where its totally isolated, if anyone comes into sight even some distance away she 'disappears' and I'm left with getting us home to where she feels safe enough to come out again. She behaves like a feral child that's terrified of people sometimes.

Other people are almost never as preoccupied with the small details of my life as I am. I sometimes think something is very obvious to others, and it turns out they're oblivious (I can often check this out with my husband--it's amazing what "obvious" visible things he doesn't notice). You may feel as if people are watching and wondering, and keeping tabs on your physical condition, but it's unlikely that they are. Why can't you take short walks wherever you want? If someone happened to ask, you can just say that you're doing some kind of new rehab program or whatever you want to say.

I don't remember all the details of your situation (see? just proving my point... ), but why can't Kit come out if it looks like the coast is clear, and then go back in if someone appears. Also, most of that fear is from the past, right? Most people are perfectly safe to be around. So maybe you can be "by her side" and reassure her that if she just sees someone in the distance, she can still be out.

I see your point. I think Kit still see's herself as a teenage girl and doesn't think that if someone see's her outside now from their point of view they are looking at a an older woman now nearly 50 not a shy, awkward 16 yr old girl. I think she thinks people will look at her and see an instant target to bully as most kids did back then.

I think because I (Thea) evolved to take over and get her away from all that she never dealt with it and doesn't get over things or know how to forgive. Sometimes its like trying to reason with a child, (though she can have moments of absolute genius and create fantasy worlds that would rival any CGI movie!) so kind of like having a 'little' even though she's stuck in her teens. We get frustrated alot!