Had a 'coming out', and then what?

Hello everybody,

Was wondering how other people here deal with this. After debating for some time, I decided to tell my contacts on social media etc. Especially because I had some big switches that must have confused people, but also because I don't want to hide it all the time (anymore). It was a big relief. It's not that I now talk about it all the time; 'dedicated' three informative (that it's way more common than people think, for example) posts about it in the first 'coming out' week, and then just got back to posting funny things or things I feel passionate about.

It feels very good that the people who I talk to, know this (and still want to talk to me). It narrowed down my 'circle', but this feels honest and I like that.

Now I'm wondering; how to go from here. On youtube, for example, there are quite some multiples who introduce all their parts etc. I don't think I want to go that far. It feels too private? Or as a way to get attention, which is silly because I don't see those people on youtube that way.

How do you approach this with people who know about it? Do your parts start to talk to them themselves, for example? Or do you still 'do the talking' under one name with most contacts?

I'm sorry, I can't be of much help since no one except my therapist knows about us.

I do think it's very brave that you 'came out'! And I hope others around you will be open to get to know who is out when.

Hi fireheart,

Thank you! It was scary! And I thought about it for months (which is also somewhat new, to not act on impulses (of parts) without being scared I'm supressing or something irrational like that). But for me personally, it was the right decision. Just because of the relief itself, I noticed I stay more 'present' when seeing or speaking people who know this. One of those people, who's been an aquaintance for years and becoming a friend now, noticably read about it when we saw each other again and that was heartwarming. It also makes people more comfortable to talk about their own issues. Those experiences beat the rejections and other uncomfortable reactions from people (which is also very human).

I hope that it works for you, that only your T knows. I can see the benifits of that as well!

Hi Bejer,

For us, we're 'out' pretty much anywhere except with work stuff. And even at that, if work people did any looking they'd find out too. The only social media we do is twitter, and our bio basically says 'queer witch multiple' lol. And I post pretty often referencing being multiple, mentioning our other parts. I've even named the most active of us at one point, like a little 'introductory' tweet or whatever.

Our previous host had a blog, and we did post a really long explanation to tell everyone what happened to her, cos like couple months after she went away some people were asking and getting worried about her. So again, anyone who cared to look, would see the whole thing there under her name on her blog, or under our name on our twitter.

OTOH, we don't make like a big deal of it. It's just like, part of who we are. It gets mentioned if its worth mentioning and that's about it.

I guess what I'm saying is, for your 'then what', I'd say just be yourselves. You've done the coming out big, now its just back to your regular stuff, only you don't have to hide who you all are any more.

We don't do youtube or video stuff so I don't know too much what to say about that. We did record a bunch of video journals for ourselves but definitely wouldn't post them online or anything. It was more just to see what we look like. Mostly it was only me but V1 did a couple and I got Rebecca to do one, and it was fascinating to see how different we are. But then we got bored of it and stopped lol.

Anyways, that's my opinion. You're out, so you don't need to hide it any more, just go on being yourselves and don't need to make any big deal of things.

V2

Hi V2,

Thank you for sharing that. 'Queer witch multiple'; that's pretty clear as well:))

Was it something that 'just happend', the mentioning your parts and such as well? You went with the flow? Or was it something you guys discussed before hand?

Not making a big deal is what I'm trying by not mentioning it anymore after those three posts. It's a 'thing'; I'm scared too quickly that I'm making a big deal, but I also sometimes make a way too big deal of stuff

Then there's a part who was drilled to 'confess'/explain éverything without even being asked to. I feel that obligation often. When I feel that way, I can't quite see boundaries; that there are a lot of people who I don't have to explain everything to. It's good already to be aware of that, next step; seeing when being influenced by that or when it's actually good to explain things. (And not making a big deal of that )

When we did the blog post on previous host's blog, that was a bit of back and forth about posting it or not. Like, V1 had written it up, really long and detailed, but then she chickened out and didn't post it. So I'd go and set it to post in a few days, and then she'd go in and disable it so it wouldn't post. Bakc and forth like that lol. Till finally she was gone for like a week or whatever, so she wasn't around to switch it off, and it finally went live lol.

The stuff on twitter was more like, spur of the moment. Like, "Well I'm bored so here's some info about our system lol." But that was a long time after the blog stuff, and by that time we were a lot more comfortable with sharing.

I think we do tend to overshare, and V1 says I'm really bad about it? Like she says I'd tell anyone who listens lol.

V2

Ah that's véry recognizable, haha. I sometimes even still remove public stuff from a year ago. Although that happens less and less. Who am I kidding anyway:)

Glad you all are more comfortable about it now. It's good to be on the same path:)

Our husband knows, because Lilly came out to meet him before I even knew she or the others were there. My husband and I were still dating at the time. After he told me about her, and I started to get used to the idea of being multiple then the others started coming out. The others WANTED him to know them, so they never hid switches hes from him (except for Britney who was trying to cause problems at first). The T knows, so we don't hide from her. So whoever is fronting when talking with these two people just acts like themself.

Delilah told one friend of mine via text. Friend was very accepting and asked a few questions. The next time I saw her she didnt grear me any different. And when we were alone after that she asked more questions. She hasn't met anyone else in person yet, but I'm sure it will happen soon. I did point out one time wh ed n Britney fronted and the friend said that made a lot of sense because with the incident I was talking about, I was acting in as way that was very out of character for me.

With the husband the topic of my others comes up daily, mainly because we "flow" freely around him so he may say something and I wont remember it, and he'll say, "oh yeah, I forgot I said/did that with
{Insert other's name}." Or I'll say "so and so wants you to know xyz." Stuff like that.

My children are starting to pick up on differences, so it's a discussion that will eventually need to be had with them.

Kitten

By 'coming out' do you mean a new alter just appeared to the host (in private) that the host or system wasn't aware of? or is appearing as your 'front alter/public face'?...or you mean telling everyone in real life that you have DID and multiple 'alters'?

We chose not to, although we made up a name to go on FB years ago, she took on a life of her own, became an alter and took over. We have closed that account so we didn't constantly have to switch back to who people believed she was to check FB everyday. Since then Kit has taken over as we're mostly housebound and Thea takes over things Kit struggles with.

Kit is working on a new 'front' that incorporates us both but also incorporating what people expect to see as Maddie. (ie some mobility issues)
We will tell people we had a misdiagnosis (for the physical reason Maddie was in a wheelchair and we don't need one full time) and are on a new medication which would account for a partial recovery. We're also planning to move so we can start again where no-one knows us, the 'new front' will then have a variation of Kit's birth name as her nickname to be known as by neighbours etc (we can't be arsed to go through the legal procedures to change our legal name back to Kit's birth name) so although a new alter will 'come out' to the world, we won't be telling anyone about the DID/Autism.

I guess it's not really a new alter as its just Kit and Thea but we can't say if a stranger asks what's your name? 'We are Kit and Thea' when there's only 1 physical body standing in front of them! .. so the new nickname is just representing the single person that we'll work together to project in public (in place of Maddie who left).

-- Mon Jul 30, 2018 11:30 am --

By 'coming out' do you mean a new alter just appeared to the host (in private) that the host or system wasn't aware of? or is appearing as your 'front alter/public face'?...or you mean telling everyone in real life that you have DID and multiple 'alters'?

We chose not to, although we made up a name to go on FB years ago, she took on a life of her own, became an alter and took over. We have closed that account so we didn't constantly have to switch back to who people believed she was to check FB everyday. Since then Kit has taken over as we're mostly housebound and Thea takes over things Kit struggles with.

Kit is working on a new 'front' that incorporates us both but also incorporating what people expect to see as Maddie. (ie some mobility issues)
We will tell people we had a misdiagnosis (for the physical reason Maddie was in a wheelchair and we don't need one full time) and are on a new medication which would account for a partial recovery. We're also planning to move so we can start again where no-one knows us, the 'new front' will then have a variation of Kit's birth name as her nickname to be known as by neighbours etc (we can't be arsed to go through the legal procedures to change our legal name back to Kit's birth name) so although a new alter will 'come out' to the world, we won't be telling anyone about the DID/Autism.

I guess it's not really a new alter as its just Kit and Thea but we can't say if a stranger asks what's your name? 'We are Kit and Thea' when there's only 1 physical body standing in front of them! .. so the new nickname is just representing the single person that we'll work together to project in public (in place of Maddie who left).

Hi KitMcDaydream,

KitMcDaydream wrote:By 'coming out' do you mean a new alter just appeared to the host (in private) that the host or system wasn't aware of? or is appearing as your 'front alter/public face'?...or you mean telling everyone in real life that you have DID and multiple 'alters'?

We mean your last option:)

KitMcDaydream wrote:We chose not to, although we made up a name to go on FB years ago, she took on a life of her own, became an alter and took over. We have closed that account so we didn't constantly have to switch back to who people believed she was to check FB everyday. Since then Kit has taken over as we're mostly housebound and Thea takes over things Kit struggles with.

That must have been complicated. Your situation now sounds like good teamwork!

KitMcDaydream wrote:Kit is working on a new 'front' that incorporates us both but also incorporating what people expect to see as Maddie. (ie some mobility issues)
We will tell people we had a misdiagnosis (for the physical reason Maddie was in a wheelchair and we don't need one full time) and are on a new medication which would account for a partial recovery. We're also planning to move so we can start again where no-one knows us, the 'new front' will then have a variation of Kit's birth name as her nickname to be known as by neighbours etc (we can't be arsed to go through the legal procedures to change our legal name back to Kit's birth name) so although a new alter will 'come out' to the world, we won't be telling anyone about the DID/Autism.

I guess it's not really a new alter as its just Kit and Thea but we can't say if a stranger asks what's your name? 'We are Kit and Thea' when there's only 1 physical body standing in front of them! .. so the new nickname is just representing the single person that we'll work together to project in public (in place of Maddie who left).

Sounds like a great solution for you to be able to have co-presence of Kit and Thea without having to point that out to others if you don't want to. I also understand your desire to start over again, somewhere else where people don't know you yet.

Do you have a therapist who can help you sort these things out for yourself?