What traditionally I have been calling "Anxiety" (hence the quotation marks), as it seems to be turning out is what I am now calling "Internal Conflict" of my "Parts". But in many descriptions of "Anxiety" they often describe it as a "war within our selves" or "war with ourselves". So it's not really false in that regard. However for me personally, back when I commonly bought into our cultural sense of "Singularity of Self", as well as being very dissociated from my "Right Brained" or "Right Hemisphere" of emotions and feelings etc didn't understand them as such and so just came across to me as severe nervousness and edgy. I still am very much like that, but beginning to see things from a new perspective, which is now "Multiplicity".
To give a very present and clear example of the subject line and issue...
It's 1:26 pm Friday, July 27th, and I am just beginning what usually turns out to be a very in depth and lengthy post here.
"Houston, we have a problem here!"
Without any context to my location in space and time, this seems like a trivial statement and might be wondering why this might even be an issue?
Not only are some parts of me screaming to pack up my most precious and valuable belongings and load them into my car to take to storage, but also to get storage paid while I can before 5pm, as well as get my cell phone turned back on with more minutes and buy a new battery for my truck so I can move as much as I can away from this very location I am typing from!!!
Not only are "Parts" of me urging me to do so, but my loved one is very very concerned for me and urgently telling me to do the very same thing as well.
Now this seems pretty "Dramatic" and "Hysterical" without again knowing the context of this location in space as well as moment in time in relation to it.
To allow another "Part" of me to speak, I'll allow him to explain in a more simple and less pretentious manner...
"There is a freaking Forest Fire not 4 miles from here and spot fires over night keep starting now 3 miles and if they jump the river this whole mountain will burn to ashes very quickly!!! Get your stuff packed and get it to safety and drop this intellectual crap that will cost you everything!!!"
Given the last updated map that has since been taken offline for reasons unknown, it doesn't take a "Neurologist" (Brain Surgeon) to understand such an emotional response, given the facts.
And yet this "intellectual" part of me insists I meditate in a very annoying manner expressing the "Usefulness of getting in touch with my parts and trying to meet their needs in recovery" while in reality am doing the opposite. Now there is some dissociation for you!.
That Part of me feels it very important to post in here about how for me at least, I'm finding that "Listening and acting upon their healthy needs and wants is very important....all the way to the ashes.
Is this Delusional"? No. We ALL know the reality of this current situation and there is No Debate about the Real Urgency of it. WE haven't been given an evacuation notice yet like there has been a few miles from here have. But given today's Fire Status reports for the next 5 days, that very well could change quickly.
My "Internal Conflicts" are not that they oppose each others. They mostly all agree. However the conflict takes the form of how to act upon them and especially the order of priorities.
What ever part of me who is writing and posting this (who takes pride in being so logical and reasonable) is being Illogical and Unreasonable by doing so!
The Logical and Reasonable thing to do, at the very least, would be to do what's needed NOW, and then pontificate afterwards with less stress.
I mean how Ironic that by very actions he is contradicting the very point he is trying to make in concept.
He even agrees and wants to think about that as well, doing more of the same!Even my littles who just want to play video games still feel I need to do that adult stuff before they should play.
And yet it's now 2:23 pm and haven't moved.
I think I have embarrassed my self enough to agree with the Littles enough to take action. But I feel this is a very good example of the constant "Internal Conflict" that is causing severe dysfunction in my daily life.
I mean I don't feel that the Sky is falling (unless I mistake Fire Retardant and buckets of water from helicopters the "Sky"), but the phrase "Due Diligence" is especially relevant right now.
One last comment before I go...
A local news headline... "A semi-truck carrying fire retardant caught fire near Exit 15 on Interstate Five early Wednesday morning."
What is this "Fire Retardant" made from that they are dumping on our forest fires?
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hJSo71Jh5sU/T2N8YT6JfSI/AAAAAAAAAnQ/y67uLEYIuBE/s1600/Curse_Of_Zounds_by_mrersin.jpg
Sorry my "Teen" Punk rocker part couldn't resist that lol
3 pm
Lumps
I hope you and yours stay safe.
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