Internal communication

I was wondering if people heard voices for their alters or not.

By that I mean, when alters communicate internally, would you associate that with hearing someone speak? Do alters sound different to each other? Can you recognise an alter by how they speak? Does it make a difference if you are out / fronting or in headspace / the inner world?

The reason I ask is because I don't "hear" my alters, they don't sound different to each other or sound like anything. It's like having a thought in your head that isn't yours, but not in the way that an intrusive thought is a thought that isn't yours. It's very hard to explain.

I can control my thoughts and they feel like "me", I know when a thought is mine because I'm choosing to think? If that makes sense. That feels different to an intrusive thought, which is usually a repeated word/sentence/image without any intent or feeling of identity behind it. It feels foreign and other, so "not me" but it has no substance to it either. That in turn feels different to what I've come to associate with alters communicating, because there's intent and a sense of identity behind it, it feels like "not me", I can't control the thoughts or change them in any way.

Sometimes I can tell who is communicating because of specific words or mannerisms, like asking for cookies or making a snarky comment about something or an image of cuddling teddy, but a lot of the time I have no idea who I'm even talking to because there's no easy way to differentiate because there's no voice to go by. It's different when alters talk externally (so using the body to talk out loud) because they sound different to each other, the external voice changes, so it's a lot easier to pick up on who's there because of that. When it comes to internal communication however, I spend most of my time responding and not knowing who I'm even responding to.

I try asking who I'm talking to but whenever I try and take control of things like that, usually whoever was there completely disappears on me or dodges the question. It's not as concrete as a conversation would be between myself and someone else who was outside the body using their voice to speak. It's more... fluid? Less fixed? I don't know how to describe it. I'm not the one in control, if that makes sense. I can't initiate these conversations, and I don't really understand why they happen or what ends them.

I find myself responding automatically most of the time, which is why it's confusing. I'm not fully aware I'm responding until I realise I've been talking out loud in response to Someone In My Head for ten minutes but I can't remember what I was talking about or who I was talking to. It's very confusing. I know I talked out loud in response to someone for most of my shower earlier today, but all I can dimly remember is answering questions about why we have to shave.

It's hard to analyse this without going into a breakdown because of denial but I thought I'd ask in case this is something other people also experience.

Edit: the other thing I should probably mention is I don't feel like I ever get more than one alter communicating at once? I don't know why. Maybe I'm thinking it's one alter but it's more but because there's no easy way to differentiate it feels like only one is talking to me.

Hi RaptureBlues - I\we do hear my alters. It's like just anyone talking to me in the day to day but a tad distant (who the hell am I kidding everything is distant). If someone else is fronting they do hear each other like normal as well.
We all have our own voices, but sometimes when everyone is talking at once it kinda just sounds like a rumble, but when only some are talking or we take turns yes we can distinguish who is who.

Some alters don't speak necessarily (we have mute alter), and we don't think they have to have a
"developed voice" necessarily, but again we don't know.

Every system is different and that's the important thing to remember what happens to one may not happen to all - perhaps thats just the way your system and alters work.

Perhaps you could talk to a T about it?

~J

Wrote loads but was lost again lol

Main points:

communication can be in many forms eg pictures or feeling the emotions of the time

"a rose by any other name would smell as sweet" ie labels are maybe not important to your parts.

Names encourage separateness so not necessarily good. They could all use your given name?

Hi Raptureblues,

95% of our in-system communication is as you describe - it comes in the form of inserted 'alien' thoughts. Sometimes we can recognize instantly who's thoughts they are, eg. our helper Rebecca is pretty clear when she 'speaks'. Other times there's no indication at all who 'said' a thing and we have to start asking, or sometimes get no answer or indication at all where a given thought originated.

I can think of only a handful of times we've heard our other parts, either as actual audio hallucinations, or as distinct 'audible voices' in our head. It's that rare for us.

We have had other forms of communication. One primarily communicates through text, writing in our journal, and one who communicates through internal imagery rather than words.

But overall, our experience seems to align with what you are describing. And it can lead to moments of denial or doubt for us (or mostly me) when we try and 'analyze' it too deeply. After almost 8 months of this, I've given up trying to question it and just accept that it's how our system works.

Violet 1

I have a blind inner eye which is called aphantasia but in the same way I can not visualise images or see memories I struggle to a lesser degree with my inner ear (I'm not sure it's really called that.) So for example when a song gets stuck in my head I don't hear it like I would if the song was playing outside my head. Ocassionally I will hear sounds but its so muted and indistinct that I can't understand it.

So when I talk to the others its no surprise to me there is no sound. Words are usually conveyed but it's like a stream of thought. I recognise them as not my thoughts and I usually recognise who's thoughts by the presence in my mind. My alters have an emotional (or lack off) presence. Or I recognise them by the choice of vocabulary.

Sometimes (particularly Nixie) alters will communicate without words and will send emotions. I can find that overwhelming and destabilising if I don't know the who, what and why.

Sometimes I will also get consepts, ideas or knowledge shared with me. And that's like new knowledge suddenly exists in my head.

@ KawaiiKitty - thank you, I'm trying to get better at accepting that what I experience doesn't have to line up perfectly with other people's. I'm going to raise it with my T when I next see her, if I can.

@ Sarandipity - I'm sorry you lost what you wrote, that always sucks. I get images and emotions as communication, which I need to acknowledge better. So far we've not appointed any labels such as "protector" "gatekeeper" etc. if that's what you meant. If you meant labels like "alter" "part" then they get upset when I don't acknowledge they exist, they seem to prefer me referring to them in that way instead of "the things in my head", which is what I used before. My alters chose their names for the most part (one was given a nickname by my partner which we've stuck with), and they very heavily dislike being referred to with my given name, so I let them use the names they've chosen for themselves. I've been very careful in not encouraging more separation than what already exists, I just had to get to know them. I hope that makes sense.

@ VioletFlux - that helps a lot, thank you! That's how it feels for me.

@ NyxX - thank you, that's really helpful. A "stream of thoughts" is a really good way of describing it, it's like a transfer of information almost, like a computer sending data to somewhere else inside it. I like the computer analogy a lot with DID so it helps me to see it like that, I suppose.

For us it's like normally I hear my own thoughts, kind of like when you are reading something (to yourself)? It's not out loud, but yet you still somewhat 'hear' the words?

And then when I 'hear' the thoughts/words of someone else inside it's like hearing that inner monologue, but then sometimes the voice is a little bit different. Not a lot, but a little bit.

But often, alters in our system communicate via feelings , images, and subtle things like song lyrics and the like.

- Fox

It depends on how my parts feel.
Sometimes I can "see" who's talking, as well as hear their own voice.
Sometimes it's an intrusive thought that doesn't fit with whatever I'm thinking about at the time.
Sometimes it's an emotion. This happens a lot with our little and the Little Wolf. I'll tell my husband that Lilly is "bleeding into everyone," meaning she's feeling something so strongly she can't keep it to herself or doesn't want to keep it to herself and she pushes it out and through the whole system.
The Little Wolf doesn't talk, she pushes pictures from her memory at us, or an emotion.

It all really just depends on who's fronting, who's talking, and how everyone is feeling.

Kitten