I have a problem

If he is associating your memory issues with dementia he could be scared about deterioration and you losing all sense of self and who he is. Maybe explain more about why the memory loss occurs and that with time, co-operation your parts could be more co-conscious and you might experience less memory loss. Explain what steps are helpful you take so there is more co-operation like reestablishing good routines meeting different parts needs. And that trying to force the memory can cause more stress and I don't know if its the same for you but stress causes us to co-operate less.

Wrote a really long reply but it logged me out before I posted.

Well I did write a post explaining how I think he's just trying to help me and why but the site timed out and logged me out.

Then I went food shopping with him. He was in a bad mood. He was on his phone. The more he was on it the more irritated he got. Everything I picked up he questioned.

I dissociated from his aggressive behaviour. I tried to carry on doing my food shopping. He got more annoyed. He grabbed my arm. I told him to go away from me. He said he'd sit in the car. The dissociated state I was in combined with him grabbing my arm for attention triggered me. I couldn't bare to shop with him waiting in the car potentially becoming more annoyed and by his previous behaviour definitely having a go at me once I reached the car.

So I left the shopping, left the shop, got to the car before him, drove home, called the police because that was the only way I could then feel 100% safe and text him that it's over.

The police came and I explained the incident. They agreed it wasn't assault and said if he comes to my home and is aggressive to call them. I explained it was past occurrences that set me off and I called them because it made me feel safer.

So my post that was somehow lost about how I believe he just wanted to help me is now irrelevant. Regardless of anything he was aggressive and intimidating and he did grab my arm. I know it's not assault, I know people have disagreement every day. I know have a really really low tolerance level because of how I am but I still feel it was the right thing to do because it felt right to me at the time.

Being humiliated in a supermarket is unacceptable to me. Someone interrupting an essential part of life, buying food, is unacceptable to me, feeling dred about going to my own car because of who's sitting in it is unacceptable to me.

I think its good that you called the police its better that you feel able to seek help even if its not needed then to need it and not seek it.

I called the police on the guy that used to live upstairs once. I heard him about clearly enough to understand through the ceiling "I'll throw you through the window if you don't behave." The police came he was home alone and threatening his computer. I have no regrets calling them because when I needed them I was to young and viewed what was happening as normal. Now I know different and I know that I will and will not accept and I know I can seek help and that people will help if I ask.

Maybe not everyone but I don't need everyone just people like the police and such that work to keep people safe.

Feeling safe is the most important feeling and its one most people take for granted, he has no right to take that feeling away from you.

NyxX wrote:I think its good that you called the police its better that you feel able to seek help even if its not needed then to need it and not seek it.

I called the police on the guy that used to live upstairs once. I heard him about clearly enough to understand through the ceiling "I'll throw you through the window if you don't behave." The police came he was home alone and threatening his computer. I have no regrets calling them because when I needed them I was to young and viewed what was happening as normal. Now I know different and I know that I will and will not accept and I know I can seek help and that people will help if I ask.

Maybe not everyone but I don't need everyone just people like the police and such that work to keep people safe.

Feeling safe is the most important feeling and its one most people take for granted, he has no right to take that feeling away from you.

Feeling safe is the most important thing. Feeling safe and feeling free in your own home or your own car. I didn't feel safe or free in that supermarket. People just look with the "I feel bad for you" expression and I didn't even feel free to shop and go to my car when he said he'd wait there for me. Then I snapped inside. I let go of the shopping (it's important but not as important as feeling safe and free) and walked to my car and drove away. I thought about going to another supermarket but decided to go home and call the police.

Now I feel safer and freer.

Relationships are really hard for me. I always pick controlling abusive in some way men. I dare not go out with a genuine nice guy because in my mind I might mistreat them and I'd rather avoid mistreating anyone.

I didn't even think this guy was different at any point. I just knew he wasn't violent. I knew he was controlling. I knew I wouldn't effect him in a negative way because of how he is. His control is in a way of getting the best out of people so it seemed safer than purely destructive abuser. So it seemed like my best option until the moment in the supermarket where I felt trapped and frightened.

Thank you for reaffirming that I did an ok thing.

I really need to work on my fear of hurting someone in a relationship because so far all I do is cause myself hurt instead by picking controlling men.

Good for you !!! Stay safe .
One thing at a time

One thing I learned from being married to my ex ... you can talk, and explain, and they can say sorry and promise to change... but if you dont see it out into action immediately, or its put into action but the change lasts only a short time... then nothing has really changed.

I'm glad you talked. I'm glad he apologized. Now you need to see if he puts forth the effort to make a change. Dont expect perfection, of course, because people aren't perfrct... but time will tell, and usually quickly.

Wishing you the best of luck

I ended my romantic relationship. Partly due to him making my necessary routine change harder, partly because I think he was using me and manipulating me and partly because I think the relationship had long since run its natural course and partly because he could offer me nothing in way of security especially emotionally due to his manipulative behaviour.

He also often tried to make me feel bad for not remembering things immediately. I have to sometimes access memory if they are not with me in that moment. He seemed to be trying to make me feel bad about it, make me feel sad about it (I feel ok about it so therefore it's ok is how I see it), he'd say what's the point of doing anything if I can't remember and how do I even know if I've done things - all very judgemental and putting his perception of what validates life onto me. I basically felt he was trying to discount and make invalid my life and I find that abusive and insulting and prejudice. Who is to say who's perception and experience is more or less valid - I feel particularly incredibly angry about this - "how dare he" We all strongly dislike him now, some hate.

He exactly the person we thought he was. We're not not sure why we bothered with him. Trying to see benefits to this experience but there aren't any so far - maybe in time when he's long gone seeing a plus side will be possible.

Anyway that is what's happened with that.