I think I don't know how to see my DID so

I read the comments here and I act as if in have the issues you have...because I'm modeling my system after what i think will happen based off of whatever I sometimes

I also have PTSD so my triggers get triggered and it sticks with me then ill have a fear of what I don't want to happen to me and I focus on them too hard.

I'm learning how to not do that and to treat all my triggers like this and all my emotions like threats.
I guess I just don't know what to expect from all of this. What to do. How this is all going to play out for me. I wanted kids and the normal life. I had no idea my life would turn upside down like this.

And every day it's like I'm digging out and discovering,coming to terms accepting,moving forward and moving on and trying to get myself to a stable point of refuge.

I think I look outside of myself to see how ill be. I guess I just wanna know what'll happen next. I get scared and anxious .
I want to be alright.

I'm getting so much better. I think. In theory lol to be able to say all this...to intellectualize this...progress is made in some areas I guess.


I guess now I'm trying to remodel if you will but I'm not quite ready for that and I'm not sure what I've been doing but it's sorta been working so ill just stick to whatever that is that got me to this point.


It's very unsettling to have to admit to this issue. Admit makes it seem like I'm hiding something lol but it's weird having this issue. I'm so strong willed and have a mind of my own. Feels weird to feel like I look outside for examples but it's perfectly normal,isn't it?


Sighs...life with did is a challenge.

Big hugs to you.

The first Part to make herself known did so about 2 years ago to the man who is now my husband. This part is a 5.5 year old little, who decided she liked and could trust him, so out she came.

It was very unsettling to me when, after about the second or third conversation with her, he told me he had been speaking to someone who was not me, and then explained what he meant. Then in fairly quick succession two more came out to meet him... but one if which tried to sabotage things (she stopped that after she realized he knew what she was doing and told her he wasnt going anywhere so knock it off) lol. He eventually earned her respect.

All that to say.... I know how you feel. We still have difficult days, in fact my little and the bratty teen are at odds right now as bad we (the others inside as well as my husband) are trying to help them work it out and calm down.

Big hugs. You're not the only one who feels this way.