My gradual evolution

myce wrote:Hello again, hello Kayla. I'm really glad that Pride has someone who loves him and wants to take care of him now. He needs that.

He won't believe me though, whenever he's at the front he pushes me away until I am no longer able to talk. I really wish he would talk to me more, all he ever does is talk to either the host or cynicism. He leaves me and innocence alone in the back All this rapid switching is getting to me I need to lower my stress levels to get back control of the system, this is going to get out of hand. Although I feel it pretty weird that I had a female alter all along, I've seen Kayla before about 1 month ago in a dream and I heard her talk a week ago. I just never realized she was an alter until I met her officially today, she's really sweet . Thank you are lovely too.

aabd1713 wrote:

myce wrote:Hello again, hello Kayla. I'm really glad that Pride has someone who loves him and wants to take care of him now. He needs that.

He won't believe me though, whenever he's at the front he pushes me away until I am no longer able to talk. I really wish he would talk to me more, all he ever does is talk to either the host or cynicism. He leaves me and innocence alone in the back

I'm not sure what to say, but I feel like Mama Bear would have some good advice for you Kayla, I'm gonna let her talk with you ^w^

Oof, I haven't been out of the head for a bit. Hun, I don't know if you're still struggling to talk with him, but it takes patience to really connect with someone. Give him time, hun, and I'm sure he'll turn around. Maybe you could work with your host to get Pride to open up to you?

aabd1713 wrote:All this rapid switching is getting to me I need to lower my stress levels to get back control of the system, this is going to get out of hand. Although I feel it pretty weird that I had a female alter all along, I've seen Kayla before about 1 month ago in a dream and I heard her talk a week ago. I just never realized she was an alter until I met her officially today, she's really sweet . Thank you are lovely too.

Yeah, that was one thing that was kind of jarring at first for me. When I first became aware that the others in my head weren't me and I was talking with friends who were comfortable with it, they would switch out and make their own comments on our conversation, and it was really draining for the first few days. I'm glad to hear that you're trying to understand your system so you can gain some balance with them all!:3 It's a process that I feel like I'm dealing with a lot better and easier than most people, and I've come to quickly accept it as reality. I think it helped that my first experience with DID was the girl I was dating like a month and a half to two months ago opening up to me about hers and getting to know a good portion of the members of her system.

DozensOfDenizens wrote:

aabd1713 wrote:

myce wrote:Hello again, hello Kayla. I'm really glad that Pride has someone who loves him and wants to take care of him now. He needs that.

He won't believe me though, whenever he's at the front he pushes me away until I am no longer able to talk. I really wish he would talk to me more, all he ever does is talk to either the host or cynicism. He leaves me and innocence alone in the back

I'm not sure what to say, but I feel like Mama Bear would have some good advice for you Kayla, I'm gonna let her talk with you ^w^

Oof, I haven't been out of the head for a bit. Hun, I don't know if you're still struggling to talk with him, but it takes patience to really connect with someone. Give him time, hun, and I'm sure he'll turn around. Maybe you could work with your host to get Pride to open up to you?

aabd1713 wrote:All this rapid switching is getting to me I need to lower my stress levels to get back control of the system, this is going to get out of hand. Although I feel it pretty weird that I had a female alter all along, I've seen Kayla before about 1 month ago in a dream and I heard her talk a week ago. I just never realized she was an alter until I met her officially today, she's really sweet . Thank you are lovely too.

Yeah, that was one thing that was kind of jarring at first for me. When I first became aware that the others in my head weren't me and I was talking with friends who were comfortable with it, they would switch out and make their own comments on our conversation, and it was really draining for the first few days. I'm glad to hear that you're trying to understand your system so you can gain some balance with them all!:3 It's a process that I feel like I'm dealing with a lot better and easier than most people, and I've come to quickly accept it as reality. I think it helped that my first experience with DID was the girl I was dating like a month and a half to two months ago opening up to me about hers and getting to know a good portion of the members of her system.

Oh, hell no to making me open up they just need to stay out of my way. They are trying to weaken me so that I can't control the system as well. I can't do my job well if I have attachments and right now I am extremely necessary.

Thank you, mama, bear. Your name is so snuggly, I wish I could cuddle you. He's stubborn and has actually opened up before to our old best friend, she was amazing. She taught me a lot about getting the system to open up and she reawoke wisdom, who had given up after all these years of darkness. I really loved her and miss her, she made Pride a better person.

That's where that bastard's from I knew it, that women was nothing but trouble. All this happened with wisdom coming back and she caused it, that goddamn woman...I am getting sick of women

You're being ridiculous you can't lose your cool, we have issues to deal with. You get control because you intimidate but if I must I'll take it from you if you can't control yourself.

Threaten me again and see what happens Cynicism, you saw what I did today. That was just a taste of what I am capable off, I reabsorb you if I have to you bastard.

Illogical and overly aggressive you crossed too many lines today, what if we get assault charges? Your duty as we agreed it to act with the will of our bottom line, not to indiscriminately cause mayhem.

Yeah the rapid cycling is very weird for me. They won't stop arguing and their using the post for that.

Sweetie they do that all the time when it's heated, you just tune them out They're just very vocal.

aabd1713 wrote: (I deleted the text from the quotes from earlier because I felt this reply would be too long)

Oh, hell no to making me open up they just need to stay out of my way. They are trying to weaken me so that I can't control the system as well. I can't do my job well if I have attachments and right now I am extremely necessary.

Thank you, mama, bear. Your name is so snuggly, I wish I could cuddle you. He's stubborn and has actually opened up before to our old best friend, she was amazing. She taught me a lot about getting the system to open up and she reawoke wisdom, who had given up after all these years of darkness. I really loved her and miss her, she made Pride a better person.

That's where that bastard's from I knew it, that women was nothing but trouble. All this happened with wisdom coming back and she caused it, that goddamn woman...I am getting sick of women

You're being ridiculous you can't lose your cool, we have issues to deal with. You get control because you intimidate but if I must I'll take it from you if you can't control yourself.

Threaten me again and see what happens Cynicism, you saw what I did today. That was just a taste of what I am capable off, I reabsorb you if I have to you bastard.

Illogical and overly aggressive you crossed too many lines today, what if we get assault charges? Your duty as we agreed it to act with the will of our bottom line, not to indiscriminately cause mayhem.

Yeah the rapid cycling is very weird for me. They won't stop arguing and their using the post for that.

Sweetie they do that all the time when it's heated, you just tune them out They're just very vocal.

I noticed some sincere problems with the way Cynicism and Pride interacted in this post that I dealt with myself.

Here's an experience I had in the first week I discovered the others in my system like a month and a half ago that I want to relay:

***Possible trigger warning: Conflict in the head***

I discovered one of the others when I was looking in the bathroom mirror and the name Cartaphilus came along with it. I won't go into the details behind why, but the name was a huge red flag to me. I'm the host, but it's been pretty widely agreed on between everyone else that I am among if not the strongest in the head. Over the next few days, I came to the conclusion that Cartaphilus had been trying to tear apart my life from the inside and wanted to harm the others to harm me. One morning, while I was taking a shower, I went into the head and basically told Cartaphilus, "If you harm the others, I will take you and hide you deep in the corners of my mind so we never see you again," because I knew I was stronger than him. The Wednesday of that week, we cut ties with someone that had been really toxic and was really abusive to our closest friend, and so the Thursday of that week we spent staying up really late and playing Rocket League. Around 8 in the morning I went to bed and covered the mirrors in my room because I got this sense that we were all in danger. Eventually, I fell asleep and the next morning everyone was gone, and I knew Cartaphilus had done something. I got him to bring everyone back, and we all had like a family council sort of deal. We talked with Cartaphilus and were like, "We're a big family in the head, and we want you to be a part of it. This is your life, too," and now we call him Phil. He's somewhat chill at this point because I feel his purpose was to show me what I am capable of and he's fulfilled that purpose so far.

***End of possible trigger warning.***

Phil's purpose is/was different than Pride's but the conflict we had with him wasn't resolved by intimidation and threats, and I get the feeling that the conflict between Cynicism and Pride won't be resolved by intimidation and threats.

One thing that I want to reassure Pride about is that just because you open up to someone, that doesn't mean that you suddenly become weaker. Being open with your feelings and thoughts doesn't make you any less strong. Giving up control to the others so they can fulfill their purpose doesn't make you any less strong. I think that the others aren't in your way, either. They just want what's best for the system from their point of view, and you need to come together and discuss and communicate calmly what is best for the system. None of you should be making those decisions on your own.

Another thing I want to say is that you won't be able to fulfill your purpose, whatever it is, if you harm other people and get the body put in jail because you assaulted someone. You have to take into account the consequences when you make decisions. Everyone should.

I'mma let Mama Bear respond to Kayla now:3

aabd1713 wrote:Thank you, mama, bear. Your name is so snuggly, I wish I could cuddle you. He's stubborn and has actually opened up before to our old best friend, she was amazing. She taught me a lot about getting the system to open up and she reawoke wisdom, who had given up after all these years of darkness. I really loved her and miss her, she made Pride a better person.

Hun, I'm glad that y'all's friend reawoke Wisdom. She (edit: she being the friend you mentioned) seems like a good person I don't know a whole lot about y'all's system but it seems like Wisdom is necessary. Conflict comes with discovering others, but I hope that this conflict is resolved, soon, hun!

DozensOfDenizens wrote:

aabd1713 wrote: (I deleted the text from the quotes from earlier because I felt this reply would be too long)

Oh, hell no to making me open up they just need to stay out of my way. They are trying to weaken me so that I can't control the system as well. I can't do my job well if I have attachments and right now I am extremely necessary.

Thank you, mama, bear. Your name is so snuggly, I wish I could cuddle you. He's stubborn and has actually opened up before to our old best friend, she was amazing. She taught me a lot about getting the system to open up and she reawoke wisdom, who had given up after all these years of darkness. I really loved her and miss her, she made Pride a better person.

That's where that bastard's from I knew it, that women was nothing but trouble. All this happened with wisdom coming back and she caused it, that goddamn woman...I am getting sick of women

You're being ridiculous you can't lose your cool, we have issues to deal with. You get control because you intimidate but if I must I'll take it from you if you can't control yourself.

Threaten me again and see what happens Cynicism, you saw what I did today. That was just a taste of what I am capable off, I reabsorb you if I have to you bastard.

Illogical and overly aggressive you crossed too many lines today, what if we get assault charges? Your duty as we agreed it to act with the will of our bottom line, not to indiscriminately cause mayhem.

Yeah the rapid cycling is very weird for me. They won't stop arguing and their using the post for that.

Sweetie they do that all the time when it's heated, you just tune them out They're just very vocal.

I noticed some sincere problems with the way Cynicism and Pride interacted in this post that I dealt with myself.

Here's an experience I had in the first week I discovered the others in my system like a month and a half ago that I want to relay:

***Possible trigger warning: Conflict in the head***

I discovered one of the others when I was looking in the bathroom mirror and the name Cartaphilus came along with it. I won't go into the details behind why, but the name was a huge red flag to me. I'm the host, but it's been pretty widely agreed on between everyone else that I am among if not the strongest in the head. Over the next few days, I came to the conclusion that Cartaphilus had been trying to tear apart my life from the inside and wanted to harm the others to harm me. One morning, while I was taking a shower, I went into the head and basically told Cartaphilus, "If you harm the others, I will take you and hide you deep in the corners of my mind so we never see you again," because I knew I was stronger than him. The Wednesday of that week, we cut ties with someone that had been really toxic and was really abusive to our closest friend, and so the Thursday of that week we spent staying up really late and playing Rocket League. Around 8 in the morning I went to bed and covered the mirrors in my room because I got this sense that we were all in danger. Eventually, I fell asleep and the next morning everyone was gone, and I knew Cartaphilus had done something. I got him to bring everyone back, and we all had like a family council sort of deal. We talked with Cartaphilus and were like, "We're a big family in the head, and we want you to be a part of it. This is your life, too," and now we call him Phil. He's somewhat chill at this point because I feel his purpose was to show me what I am capable of and he's fulfilled that purpose so far.

***End of possible trigger warning.***

Phil's purpose is/was different than Pride's but the conflict we had with him wasn't resolved by intimidation and threats, and I get the feeling that the conflict between Cynicism and Pride won't be resolved by intimidation and threats.

One thing that I want to reassure Pride about is that just because you open up to someone, that doesn't mean that you suddenly become weaker. Being open with your feelings and thoughts doesn't make you any less strong. Giving up control to the others so they can fulfill their purpose doesn't make you any less strong. I think that the others aren't in your way, either. They just want what's best for the system from their point of view, and you need to come together and discuss and communicate calmly what is best for the system. None of you should be making those decisions on your own.

Another thing I want to say is that you won't be able to fulfill your purpose, whatever it is, if you harm other people and get the body put in jail because you assaulted someone. You have to take into account the consequences when you make decisions. Everyone should.

I'mma let Mama Bear respond to Kayla now:3

aabd1713 wrote:Thank you, mama, bear. Your name is so snuggly, I wish I could cuddle you. He's stubborn and has actually opened up before to our old best friend, she was amazing. She taught me a lot about getting the system to open up and she reawoke wisdom, who had given up after all these years of darkness. I really loved her and miss her, she made Pride a better person.

Hun, I'm glad that y'all's friend reawoke Wisdom. She (edit: she being the friend you mentioned) seems like a good person I don't know a whole lot about y'all's system but it seems like Wisdom is necessary. Conflict comes with discovering others, but I hope that this conflict is resolved, soon, hun!

Hmph, this entire system belongs to me and me alone. Everyone in it serves my given purpose, especially you cynicism. I created you and I can destroy that isn't a threat it's a given truth. I may not be able to obliterate everyone in the system, but I can sure make it hell if necessary that's a threat. Even that damn old man won't come out of hibernation, I know he's scheming something.

That's enough, Pride. You've increasingly proven yourself to be hazardous, there will be no more threats. I left with the host on the train because we needed your power. But the system needs a softer touch, I am taking management back from you. You can have it back if and only if father returns.

Old man be careful of how you push Pride, that might make him more volatile.

Don't worry I know what I am doing. I hope you know you have to go with him, you may not have his toxicity. But the apathy you inspire can be just as dangerous on the host. I'll be his voice of consult again understood?

Understood.

I'll go with him, sorry big mama I liked talking to you.

I hate you old man, you left me to deal with all this $#%^ alone. You're a bastard you know that?

How else would you grow up kiddo? You know innocence said he missed you. Please don't be scared of everyone, we're a family we need to take care of each other. Even though pride and cynicism are warped at times they are still family okay?

mhm, I love you a lot.

I love you too, kiddo. My apologies for being so internally focused Myce, I appreciate your tolerance for the past few days. You've been helpful in reopening the dialogue in our system. I don't want pride to take things too far so he forced my hand.

But I will definitely communicate what you said to him. We've had that exact issue, pride would appear in the mirrors. That's what caused the host to realize he had DID especially as he realized the voices he was hearing were real and not from psychosis.

I have yet to fully unravel Pride as he has the same with me. The power in the system is decided ultimately based on who is the most hidden in the subconscious it seems. Innocence is probably the strongest influencer of the system, but he's just a kid and hasn't come out since 12 years ago.

I've met innocence a few times, the biggest reason I have the ability to seal pride comes from innocence's influence. I say this full well knowing Pride will try to use this against us, but I also want to show him that I trust him enough to reveal a pivotal secret.

It takes time but he's gotten better than he used to be, I hope this will help him so I'll just leave this up. Anyway I can't tell you how much I appreciate the kindness you've shown. You are blessing to a cruel world.

Edit: This color system is weird honestly, I got the colors wrong sorry if that caused any confusion.

aabd1713 wrote: Hmph, this entire system belongs to me and me alone. Everyone in it serves my given purpose, especially you cynicism. I created you and I can destroy that isn't a threat it's a given truth. I may not be able to obliterate everyone in the system, but I can sure make it hell if necessary that's a threat. Even that damn old man won't come out of hibernation, I know he's scheming something.

The entire system belongs to none of you. The system is each and every one of you, regardless of how any of you came about. This mindset is not okay. It's pretty emotionally abusive. You all need to work together for the sake of the system, and therefore for the sake of each and every one of you separately.

aabd1713 wrote:
That's enough, Pride. You've increasingly proven yourself to be hazardous, there will be no more threats. I left with the host on the train because we needed your power. But the system needs a softer touch, I am taking management back from you. You can have it back if and only if father returns.

Old man be careful of how you push Pride, that might make him more volatile.

Don't worry I know what I am doing. I hope you know you have to go with him, you may not have his toxicity. But the apathy you inspire can be just as dangerous on the host. I'll be his voice of consult again understood?

Understood.

I'll go with him, sorry big mama I liked talking to you.

I don't know what's best for y'all's system, but this is the kind of mindset that set Phil against all of us before he changed. Pride might not change as quickly as Phil did, and, again, our system isn't yours, but this could be dangerous.

aabd1713 wrote:
I hate you old man, you left me to deal with all this $#%^ alone. You're a bastard you know that?


How else would you grow up kiddo? You know innocence said he missed you. Please don't be scared of everyone, we're a family we need to take care of each other. Even though pride and cynicism are warped at times they are still family okay?

I don't understand this interaction. For one, I feel like insulting the old man like that was out of line. At the same time, I feel like it's better to deal with life's problems alone than with someone who's toxic. I also kind of get a sense that the Wisdom in this quote is different than the Wisdom that was talking to Pride?

aabd1713 wrote:
mhm, I love you a lot.

I love you too, kiddo. My apologies for being so internally focused Myce, I appreciate your tolerance for the past few days. You've been helpful in reopening the dialogue in our system. I don't want pride to take things too far so he forced my hand.

I also don't understand this interaction, but I don't have anything to say about it, and I don't think I should even if I did.

aabd1713 wrote:
But I will definitely communicate what you said to him. We've had that exact issue, pride would appear in the mirrors. That's what caused the host to realize he had DID especially as he realized the voices he was hearing were real and not from psychosis.

Thanks, I'd appreciate you sending the message I had for Pride to him. Hopefully it helps him change for the better.

aabd1713 wrote:
I have yet to fully unravel Pride as he has the same with me. The power in the system is decided ultimately based on who is the most hidden in the subconscious it seems. Innocence is probably the strongest influencer of the system, but he's just a kid and hasn't come out since 12 years ago.

I think the main power that comes from being hidden in the subconscious is that, well, one is hidden from those who are conscious/co-conscious, but two, you don't have to process the outside world at the same time as the inside world when hidden in the subconscious. However, that doesn't mean that power in the system is only determined by that. I've got the sense in the past month and a half to two months that it has a lot to do with willpower, too.

aabd1713 wrote:
I've met innocence a few times, the biggest reason I have the ability to seal pride comes from innocence's influence. I say this full well knowing Pride will try to use this against us, but I also want to show him that I trust him enough to reveal a pivotal secret.

I'm not exactly sure what you mean by "Innocence's influence" but I'm glad to hear that Innocence has helped you become stronger in the head so you can fulfill the role you need to fulfill. I think it's good that you have trust in Pride; I feel it's necessary for trust to be present between those in the system for there to be harmony. I think that applies with any type of relationship, whether outside of the head or inside of the head.

aabd1713 wrote:
It takes time but he's gotten better than he used to be, I hope this will help him so I'll just leave this up. Anyway I can't tell you how much I appreciate the kindness you've shown. You are blessing to a cruel world.

Edit: This color system is weird honestly, I got the colors wrong sorry if that caused any confusion.

No worries, I'm glad to be a supportive person for y'all. I hope you all can resolve these inner conflicts and find harmony within your system. I hope that y'all get used to the color system soon:3

DozensOfDenizens wrote:

aabd1713 wrote: Hmph, this entire system belongs to me and me alone. Everyone in it serves my given purpose, especially you cynicism. I created you and I can destroy that isn't a threat it's a given truth. I may not be able to obliterate everyone in the system, but I can sure make it hell if necessary that's a threat. Even that damn old man won't come out of hibernation, I know he's scheming something.

The entire system belongs to none of you. The system is each and every one of you, regardless of how any of you came about. This mindset is not okay. It's pretty emotionally abusive. You all need to work together for the sake of the system, and therefore for the sake of each and every one of you separately.

aabd1713 wrote:
That's enough, Pride. You've increasingly proven yourself to be hazardous, there will be no more threats. I left with the host on the train because we needed your power. But the system needs a softer touch, I am taking management back from you. You can have it back if and only if father returns.

Old man be careful of how you push Pride, that might make him more volatile.

Don't worry I know what I am doing. I hope you know you have to go with him, you may not have his toxicity. But the apathy you inspire can be just as dangerous on the host. I'll be his voice of consult again understood?

Understood.

I'll go with him, sorry big mama I liked talking to you.

I don't know what's best for y'all's system, but this is the kind of mindset that set Phil against all of us before he changed. Pride might not change as quickly as Phil did, and, again, our system isn't yours, but this could be dangerous.

aabd1713 wrote:
I hate you old man, you left me to deal with all this $#%^ alone. You're a bastard you know that?


How else would you grow up kiddo? You know innocence said he missed you. Please don't be scared of everyone, we're a family we need to take care of each other. Even though pride and cynicism are warped at times they are still family okay?

I don't understand this interaction. For one, I feel like insulting the old man like that was out of line. At the same time, I feel like it's better to deal with life's problems alone than with someone who's toxic. I also kind of get a sense that the Wisdom in this quote is different than the Wisdom that was talking to Pride?

aabd1713 wrote:
mhm, I love you a lot.

I love you too, kiddo. My apologies for being so internally focused Myce, I appreciate your tolerance for the past few days. You've been helpful in reopening the dialogue in our system. I don't want pride to take things too far so he forced my hand.

I also don't understand this interaction, but I don't have anything to say about it, and I don't think I should even if I did.

aabd1713 wrote:
But I will definitely communicate what you said to him. We've had that exact issue, pride would appear in the mirrors. That's what caused the host to realize he had DID especially as he realized the voices he was hearing were real and not from psychosis.

Thanks, I'd appreciate you sending the message I had for Pride to him. Hopefully it helps him change for the better.

aabd1713 wrote:
I have yet to fully unravel Pride as he has the same with me. The power in the system is decided ultimately based on who is the most hidden in the subconscious it seems. Innocence is probably the strongest influencer of the system, but he's just a kid and hasn't come out since 12 years ago.

I think the main power that comes from being hidden in the subconscious is that, well, one is hidden from those who are conscious/co-conscious, but two, you don't have to process the outside world at the same time as the inside world when hidden in the subconscious. However, that doesn't mean that power in the system is only determined by that. I've got the sense in the past month and a half to two months that it has a lot to do with willpower, too.

aabd1713 wrote:
I've met innocence a few times, the biggest reason I have the ability to seal pride comes from innocence's influence. I say this full well knowing Pride will try to use this against us, but I also want to show him that I trust him enough to reveal a pivotal secret.

I'm not exactly sure what you mean by "Innocence's influence" but I'm glad to hear that Innocence has helped you become stronger in the head so you can fulfill the role you need to fulfill. I think it's good that you have trust in Pride; I feel it's necessary for trust to be present between those in the system for there to be harmony. I think that applies with any type of relationship, whether outside of the head or inside of the head.

aabd1713 wrote:
It takes time but he's gotten better than he used to be, I hope this will help him so I'll just leave this up. Anyway I can't tell you how much I appreciate the kindness you've shown. You are blessing to a cruel world.

Edit: This color system is weird honestly, I got the colors wrong sorry if that caused any confusion.

No worries, I'm glad to be a supportive person for y'all. I hope you all can resolve these inner conflicts and find harmony within your system. I hope that y'all get used to the color system soon:3

Oh sorry if it was confusing, I wasn't insulting him, I was just messing with him because I missed him so much. Wisdom is like the father of our little family, I have a main voice of consult. Which is usually one person who I talk to the most, and sometimes that switches but only from wisdom did I get healthy and constructive coping mechanisms. Anyway, when he came back I felt really happy and realized how much I love Wisdom. I care about my whole system but Wisdom has taken care of me the most. As for how he acts, well he seems harsh at first but he's just a big softie. Everyone is quiet this morning, so it's just me here.

As a protector, Pride lacks empathy and pushes kindness away because it interferes with his role. You can't feel love or kindness when you're ready to knock someone out. Get him out of the situation where he has to be mean and maybe he'll soften up a little.

myce wrote:As a protector, Pride lacks empathy and pushes kindness away because it interferes with his role. You can't feel love or kindness when you're ready to knock someone out. Get him out of the situation where he has to be mean and maybe he'll soften up a little.

Thank you so much for reminding me of this, I keep forgetting the simplest solution is to just listen to him and acknowledge him. I am going to leave my parents alone, this is between them for the sake of our mental health. I appreciate that Pride protected us and I hope he'll open up when we are safe again.

aabd1713 wrote:Thank you so much for reminding me of this, I keep forgetting the simplest solution is to just listen to him and acknowledge him. I am going to leave my parents alone, this is between them for the sake of our mental health. I appreciate that Pride protected us and I hope he'll open up when we are safe again.

Absolutely. Your mother is a jerk for putting up with your father's crap and inflicting that on you and your sister. She is a MOTHER, mother is supposed to protect children and not have children protecting her. She is as sick as your father.