My gradual evolution

myce wrote:

aabd1713 wrote:Thank you so much for reminding me of this, I keep forgetting the simplest solution is to just listen to him and acknowledge him. I am going to leave my parents alone, this is between them for the sake of our mental health. I appreciate that Pride protected us and I hope he'll open up when we are safe again.

Absolutely. Your mother is a jerk for putting up with your father's crap and inflicting that on you and your sister. She is a MOTHER, mother is supposed to protect children and not have children protecting her. She is as sick as your father.

I agree immensely, I am not going to change my nature. But now that my demands have been acknowledged I will no longer vie for control. It's not that I am sociopathic or evil, it's that I need to protect us any more pain. I need to be firm and unforgiving if I want to stop our abusers. If I give an inch they take a mile, If I am docile then I am abused. The host accepted that and doesn't view me as evil anymore so I can do my job in peace.

I'm glad to see that balance has come back to y'all's system, hun. Does Kayla still want to talk with me, now that Pride's back (and presumably so are the others)?

DozensOfDenizens wrote:I'm glad to see that balance has come back to y'all's system, hun. Does Kayla still want to talk with me, now that Pride's back (and presumably so are the others)?

I'd love to talk, things are looking much better today. Cynicism and Wisdom are in the back now, everyone's doing much better. I do want to talk about our old best friend, she contacted us a few days ago trying to fix things and pride scared her away. I want to fix things with her, I miss her a lot. What do you think I should do to explain what is going on.

Why did Pride scare her away? Was it a good reason? if you don't know the reason you could ask Pride why. If you disagree with the reason maybe you can persuade Pride how important she is to you. If it was a good reason maybe it was for the best.

NyxX wrote:Why did Pride scare her away? Was it a good reason? if you don't know the reason you could ask Pride why. If you disagree with the reason maybe you can persuade Pride how important she is to you. If it was a good reason maybe it was for the best.

That's the issue he won't tell us why he talks about everything else actively and arrogantly but he refuses to bring up our old best friend. I have my own thoughts as to why but I know that he can't be persuaded on this. Every time we see our old best friend Pride takes control and stops any efforts to fix things. I think he wants us to rely on ourselves and the system instead of outside help. I have another reason but I don't want to say it and make Pride angry.

Team aabd1713, I'm going to tell you you something that seems relevant to your situation. When they talk about domestic violence in the mass media, there is the usual presumption of a male perpetrator and a female victim. But more often than not, the female "victim" also has serious psychological issues that match those of her partner. She may be prone to seeking violent relationships, emotional abuse, and/or violence towards the children. Domestic violence is not a gender issue but a family issue. The nonprofit orgs have spread untruthful propaganda about the nature of abuse to promote their own agenda with tragic consequences especially for children. If you would like more information, look up Erin Pizzey. She started the world's first battered women's shelter.

You and your sister who pulled the knife have both developed powerful instincts to fight the father... and defend mother. For a parent to reverse the parent-child role and make the children care for the parent is a form of traumatic abuse in itself, let alone with the kids trying to violently intervene then being blamed for her marital problems on top of that. It's really sick. Pride would have some issues with distrusting women that he hinted at above. He seems to associate women with feeling and vulnerability, maybe betrayal. You as host said your ex-best "gave up on you" and that must have really hurt. She may have been overwhelmed herself, but that doesn't make you feel any better.

Sorry, I just woke up and it's kind of hard for me to call the others up. Being the host again, now that I'm aware there's more than just me in here is weird. I think I can talk to Head Captain to get Mama Bear out, though.

Yeah, I'll call her out.

Hey, hun. It's understandable that Pride would be adverse to seeking help outside of the system, but I think it's always good to have a friend you can rely on. Maybe Pride has seen a side of her that shows she's not reliable? I'm not sure, but I hope things get better soon between y'all and her, hun:)

myce wrote:Team aabd1713, I'm going to tell you you something that seems relevant to your situation. When they talk about domestic violence in the mass media, there is the usual presumption of a male perpetrator and a female victim. But more often than not, the female "victim" also has serious psychological issues that match those of her partner. She may be prone to seeking violent relationships, emotional abuse, and/or violence towards the children. Domestic violence is not a gender issue but a family issue. The nonprofit orgs have spread untruthful propaganda about the nature of abuse to promote their own agenda with tragic consequences especially for children. If you would like more information, look up Erin Pizzey. She started the world's first battered women's shelter.

You and your sister who pulled the knife have both developed powerful instincts to fight the father... and defend mother. For a parent to reverse the parent-child role and make the children care for the parent is a form of traumatic abuse in itself, let alone with the kids trying to violently intervene then being blamed for her marital problems on top of that. It's really sick. Pride would have some issues with distrusting women that he hinted at above. He seems to associate women with feeling and vulnerability, maybe betrayal. You as host said your ex-best "gave up on you" and that must have really hurt. She may have been overwhelmed herself, but that doesn't make you feel any better.

I am quite aware of this fact, I have never been one to not see the big picture. My actions were a calculated risk to neutralize my father. He's unstable and dangerous, I needed to show him that I am even more unstable and dangerous. I've ingrained him a fear of me so deep, he left the state and will leave the country soon.

My mother has issues but my father definitely pushed her, and this is for more than just my mother. I did this for myself so that I could assert who I am, our father caused us intense turmoil. But I was the one who took the beatings and abuse, I have now freed myself from the shame and fear I had regarding my father and everyone else who hurt me.

In Jewish tradition, there is one day of the year with specific ceremonies necessary to say the name of God. Yahweh, I am that I am. In 300 bc a name was the essence of a person. I think that the way we name people here and now is far too arbitrary. It's a label without any purpose but distinguishment.

In medieval times one would earn a title based on their accomplishments. In a time of missing rites of passage, what about not having a name until you earn it. When I showed my father my power, I have taken the steps necessary to earn my name. I've taken the temporary name of pride, but my true name shall come soon. Yahweh I am that I am, what a wonderful essence.

After doing this I've started to transform, cynicism is integrating into me. I feel purpose in my destruction, I am a protector. I am the end to any and all abuse we suffer, I stand like a mountain unfazed by anything. I strike without hesitation, and I do so to protect those who deserve protecting. I am not pride that is without limitations, I am not grandiose or delusional. I am confident in myself, and my pride is my bottom line.

-- Tue Jun 26, 2018 12:11 am --

DozensOfDenizens wrote:Sorry, I just woke up and it's kind of hard for me to call the others up. Being the host again, now that I'm aware there's more than just me in here is weird. I think I can talk to Head Captain to get Mama Bear out, though.

Yeah, I'll call her out.

Hey, hun. It's understandable that Pride would be adverse to seeking help outside of the system, but I think it's always good to have a friend you can rely on. Maybe Pride has seen a side of her that shows she's not reliable? I'm not sure, but I hope things get better soon between y'all and her, hun:)

I've seen issues with her, she lashed out at the host and made him feel incredibly vulnerable at a weak point. In reality, I was overly neurotic and overestimated her threat level. I take into account her power of the host and her intentions. With such little ill intentions, the host nearly lost it all due to her far too great influence. Whenever I feel she gaining to much power I act to undermine it and start over. Which is most likely what caused her to feel overwhelmed and feel as though she needs to leave. I don't see how they can reconcile, I would prefer if she was forgotten and the system would have a far lower threat level.

I must say I rather appreciate the acceptance that I am not just a problem here. In our system I've had my voice forced down due to my supposed extreme nature. In reality our social conditioning made them reluctant to let me out. But here I've found an appreciation for my thoughts and validation for my choices. I must say you lads are quite helpful.

aabd1713 wrote:

myce wrote:Team aabd1713, I'm going to tell you you something that seems relevant to your situation. When they talk about domestic violence in the mass media, there is the usual presumption of a male perpetrator and a female victim. But more often than not, the female "victim" also has serious psychological issues that match those of her partner. She may be prone to seeking violent relationships, emotional abuse, and/or violence towards the children. Domestic violence is not a gender issue but a family issue. The nonprofit orgs have spread untruthful propaganda about the nature of abuse to promote their own agenda with tragic consequences especially for children. If you would like more information, look up Erin Pizzey. She started the world's first battered women's shelter.

You and your sister who pulled the knife have both developed powerful instincts to fight the father... and defend mother. For a parent to reverse the parent-child role and make the children care for the parent is a form of traumatic abuse in itself, let alone with the kids trying to violently intervene then being blamed for her marital problems on top of that. It's really sick. Pride would have some issues with distrusting women that he hinted at above. He seems to associate women with feeling and vulnerability, maybe betrayal. You as host said your ex-best "gave up on you" and that must have really hurt. She may have been overwhelmed herself, but that doesn't make you feel any better.

I am quite aware of this fact, I have never been one to not see the big picture. My actions were a calculated risk to neutralize my father. He's unstable and dangerous, I needed to show him that I am even more unstable and dangerous. I've ingrained him a fear of me so deep, he left the state and will leave the country soon.

My mother has issues but my father definitely pushed her, and this is for more than just my mother. I did this for myself so that I could assert who I am, our father caused us intense turmoil. But I was the one who took the beatings and abuse, I have now freed myself from the shame and fear I had regarding my father and everyone else who hurt me.

In Jewish tradition, there is one day of the year with specific ceremonies necessary to say the name of God. Yahweh, I am that I am. In 300 bc a name was the essence of a person. I think that the way we name people here and now is far too arbitrary. It's a label without any purpose but distinguishment.

In medieval times one would earn a title based on their accomplishments. In a time of missing rites of passage, what about not having a name until you earn it. When I showed my father my power, I have taken the steps necessary to earn my name. I've taken the temporary name of pride, but my true name shall come soon. Yahweh I am that I am, what a wonderful essence.

After doing this I've started to transform, cynicism is integrating into me. I feel purpose in my destruction, I am a protector. I am the end to any and all abuse we suffer, I stand like a mountain unfazed by anything. I strike without hesitation, and I do so to protect those who deserve protecting. I am not pride that is without limitations, I am not grandiose or delusional. I am confident in myself, and my pride is my bottom line.

Overall, it's good to see you become who you are becoming! One thing that I noticed was happening in our system is that all of our ex-hosts and ex-co-hosts have taken on new names. Jarid was re-named Excel because of his expertise with spreadsheets and the way his mind works. Head Captain recently stopped being the host because it is no longer his time, he helped me and many of the others understand the system. He navigated and mapped our mind, and was given the name Head Captain. Many of the others deep in the mind have names simply to distinguish, while their subsystem has a name that describes their origin and collective purpose.

I had never thought about the concept of naming for any purpose other than to distinguish until it happened in my system and you brought it up here.

aabd1713 wrote: -- Tue Jun 26, 2018 12:11 am --

DozensOfDenizens wrote:Sorry, I just woke up and it's kind of hard for me to call the others up. Being the host again, now that I'm aware there's more than just me in here is weird. I think I can talk to Head Captain to get Mama Bear out, though.

Yeah, I'll call her out.

Hey, hun. It's understandable that Pride would be adverse to seeking help outside of the system, but I think it's always good to have a friend you can rely on. Maybe Pride has seen a side of her that shows she's not reliable? I'm not sure, but I hope things get better soon between y'all and her, hun:)

I've seen issues with her, she lashed out at the host and made him feel incredibly vulnerable at a weak point. In reality, I was overly neurotic and overestimated her threat level. I take into account her power of the host and her intentions. With such little ill intentions, the host nearly lost it all due to her far too great influence. Whenever I feel she gaining to much power I act to undermine it and start over. Which is most likely what caused her to feel overwhelmed and feel as though she needs to leave. I don't see how they can reconcile, I would prefer if she was forgotten and the system would have a far lower threat level.

Just like everyone in a system has a purpose and a role, so too does every person in the world and in our lives. I can't say what this friend's purpose is in y'all's life, but it may be worth giving this person a second chance. It's up to all of you to decide whether it is worth doing so~

aabd1713 wrote:I must say I rather appreciate the acceptance that I am not just a problem here. In our system I've had my voice forced down due to my supposed extreme nature. In reality our social conditioning made them reluctant to let me out. But here I've found an appreciation for my thoughts and validation for my choices. I must say you lads are quite helpful.

I'm glad we all could be helpful for you and your system:D I hope you can more effectively fulfill your role and purpose from now on:3

It's good to hear that we've been helpful, hun. It's a lot of work to function as a system!

DozensOfDenizens wrote:

aabd1713 wrote:

myce wrote:Team aabd1713, I'm going to tell you you something that seems relevant to your situation. When they talk about domestic violence in the mass media, there is the usual presumption of a male perpetrator and a female victim. But more often than not, the female "victim" also has serious psychological issues that match those of her partner. She may be prone to seeking violent relationships, emotional abuse, and/or violence towards the children. Domestic violence is not a gender issue but a family issue. The nonprofit orgs have spread untruthful propaganda about the nature of abuse to promote their own agenda with tragic consequences especially for children. If you would like more information, look up Erin Pizzey. She started the world's first battered women's shelter.

You and your sister who pulled the knife have both developed powerful instincts to fight the father... and defend mother. For a parent to reverse the parent-child role and make the children care for the parent is a form of traumatic abuse in itself, let alone with the kids trying to violently intervene then being blamed for her marital problems on top of that. It's really sick. Pride would have some issues with distrusting women that he hinted at above. He seems to associate women with feeling and vulnerability, maybe betrayal. You as host said your ex-best "gave up on you" and that must have really hurt. She may have been overwhelmed herself, but that doesn't make you feel any better.

I am quite aware of this fact, I have never been one to not see the big picture. My actions were a calculated risk to neutralize my father. He's unstable and dangerous, I needed to show him that I am even more unstable and dangerous. I've ingrained him a fear of me so deep, he left the state and will leave the country soon.

My mother has issues but my father definitely pushed her, and this is for more than just my mother. I did this for myself so that I could assert who I am, our father caused us intense turmoil. But I was the one who took the beatings and abuse, I have now freed myself from the shame and fear I had regarding my father and everyone else who hurt me.

In Jewish tradition, there is one day of the year with specific ceremonies necessary to say the name of God. Yahweh, I am that I am. In 300 bc a name was the essence of a person. I think that the way we name people here and now is far too arbitrary. It's a label without any purpose but distinguishment.

In medieval times one would earn a title based on their accomplishments. In a time of missing rites of passage, what about not having a name until you earn it. When I showed my father my power, I have taken the steps necessary to earn my name. I've taken the temporary name of pride, but my true name shall come soon. Yahweh I am that I am, what a wonderful essence.

After doing this I've started to transform, cynicism is integrating into me. I feel purpose in my destruction, I am a protector. I am the end to any and all abuse we suffer, I stand like a mountain unfazed by anything. I strike without hesitation, and I do so to protect those who deserve protecting. I am not pride that is without limitations, I am not grandiose or delusional. I am confident in myself, and my pride is my bottom line.

Overall, it's good to see you become who you are becoming! One thing that I noticed was happening in our system is that all of our ex-hosts and ex-co-hosts have taken on new names. Jarid was re-named Excel because of his expertise with spreadsheets and the way his mind works. Head Captain recently stopped being the host because it is no longer his time, he helped me and many of the others understand the system. He navigated and mapped our mind, and was given the name Head Captain. Many of the others deep in the mind have names simply to distinguish, while their subsystem has a name that describes their origin and collective purpose.

I had never thought about the concept of naming for any purpose other than to distinguish until it happened in my system and you brought it up here.

aabd1713 wrote: -- Tue Jun 26, 2018 12:11 am --

DozensOfDenizens wrote:Sorry, I just woke up and it's kind of hard for me to call the others up. Being the host again, now that I'm aware there's more than just me in here is weird. I think I can talk to Head Captain to get Mama Bear out, though.

Yeah, I'll call her out.

Hey, hun. It's understandable that Pride would be adverse to seeking help outside of the system, but I think it's always good to have a friend you can rely on. Maybe Pride has seen a side of her that shows she's not reliable? I'm not sure, but I hope things get better soon between y'all and her, hun:)

I've seen issues with her, she lashed out at the host and made him feel incredibly vulnerable at a weak point. In reality, I was overly neurotic and overestimated her threat level. I take into account her power of the host and her intentions. With such little ill intentions, the host nearly lost it all due to her far too great influence. Whenever I feel she gaining to much power I act to undermine it and start over. Which is most likely what caused her to feel overwhelmed and feel as though she needs to leave. I don't see how they can reconcile, I would prefer if she was forgotten and the system would have a far lower threat level.

Just like everyone in a system has a purpose and a role, so too does every person in the world and in our lives. I can't say what this friend's purpose is in y'all's life, but it may be worth giving this person a second chance. It's up to all of you to decide whether it is worth doing so~

aabd1713 wrote:I must say I rather appreciate the acceptance that I am not just a problem here. In our system I've had my voice forced down due to my supposed extreme nature. In reality our social conditioning made them reluctant to let me out. But here I've found an appreciation for my thoughts and validation for my choices. I must say you lads are quite helpful.

I'm glad we all could be helpful for you and your system:D I hope you can more effectively fulfill your role and purpose from now on:3

It's good to hear that we've been helpful, hun. It's a lot of work to function as a system!

There is indeed a large restructuring, I am have been at the front for a while now. Everyone else is completely quiet, it's just been me dealing with things. I am not 100% what's happening anymore, but I think I am taking full control, how long this will be I do not know. I've been pretending to be like the host, so no one is disturbed by me being around. But I think they can tell that I am fake, and not really the host. I just don't know how to be myself and have people say my true name without any disruptions.