Difficult to "say a few words" about yourself in a group?

I was in a situation today where I was part of a group that had just finished a project together, and someone was speaking to us and wanted to go around the room and have each person say something about their background, and their future plans related to that kind of project.

I always become VERY anxious when I have to introduce myself and "say a little bit" about myself, whatever the setting is. It feels like whatever I say won't give the right impression, or really represent me. I don't feel like I really fit in whatever group I'm in--there is too much of me that isn't a part of whatever activity it is.

It's like each part wants to chime in with who they are, but most of what they want to say doesn't fit with what's being asked, so my mind is crowded with alternative ways of presenting myself. Everyone else in the group seemed to have a sense of who they were and were able to explain it in a couple of sentences. And they didn't seem fazed by the situation at all.

This has come up before in different settings. Even when people ask, "How are you?" and really want to know (not just being polite), I find it hard to answer because each part has a different response.

Do others find that "How are you?" or "How has your week been?" or "Please say a few words about yourself." to be difficult to respond to?

I still get anxious about it, but I've gotten a bit better at the first thing you mention; having to say some words about yourself... The main thing that helps me is to let go of wanting to do it perfectly. I also stick to tangible things: e.g., what do I do, what are my hobbies, maybe one personal thing.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:It feels like whatever I say won't give the right impression, or really represent me. I don't feel like I really fit in whatever group I'm in--there is too much of me that isn't a part of whatever activity it is.

I don't see whatever I end up saying as an actual representation of who I am. Usually people just want to hear you talk? That's my impression, anyway. But I relate to not feeling like you really fit in, that's a familiar experience.

When it comes to "how are you", or "how has your week been", I struggle. Mainly because I just have no idea. I switch often enough to lose the sort of overview that I think other people do have. And, yes, we tend to have different responses. How do you end up coping with this?

Those questions make us anxious too.
I pay attention to how long others might speak and how personal do they get or is it about themselves related to the project?
To the how are you question I often say “lots going on” ( which addresses the complexity of what’s happening) and then pick a couple things to expound on depending on the person and the situation.
It can be as personal as I wish , tailored to my comfort level and the situation / person asking question.

I often pretty quickly change the focus too and ask how they are.

Hi Gangs,

Yeah we have the same reaction. It's like we have to suddenly find some 'appropriate' stuff to say. 'Appropriate' stuff is usually just boring. Boring to say. Boring to hear. But 'appropriate'.

It's like our tagline - "When they say just be yourself, which one do they mean?" But it's true!

Iain

"A few words about yourself"... If it was V1, she'd probably say something bland and generic about herself / ourself.

If it was me, I'd blurt out something sortof inappropriate lol. Or quote my twitter bio. "I'm a queer witch multiple, live with 3 black cats, and love the outdoors, hiking, biking, fresh air and waterfalls!" tho depending on the context that could be inappropriate too lol.

When people ask 'how are you' we usually just reply with 'good thanks, how are you?' cos honestly we really are usually good.

V2

Hi V2,

I like the 'queer witch multiple' thing! Host would totally lose his sh*t if we said something even half like that!!!

Host - And now I'd like my 14 year old alter Iain to say a few words...

(Yeah. RIGHT!)

Iain

IainEtc wrote:Host - And now I'd like my 14 year old alter Iain to say a few words...

HAHAHAHA that would be awsome Iain!

I almost feel like sometimes we're just like kids home alone and the grownups have gone out. Cos we don't have an adult/grownup 'host' like you do. It's just me and V1 most of the time, and she's not that much older than me. We have some older parts but they're insiders.

V2

Hi V2,

That sounds kind of cool. We have Host who's totally adult all the time. It's like living with your parents in your head! I'm pretty co-con with Host and that's kind of a strain on both of us sometimes. He'd say he has a teenager in his head!

Iain

Aw that sounds kinda sucky Iain, sorry you gotta deal with that. Too bad you can't get Host to like take a break and leave you alone for a while when you just wanna enjoy yourself.

Rebecca is closest thing we have to that, but she doesn't really care about outside stuff, so even though she's always watching, she's not gonna intervene or freak out or whatever.

V2

for us the greatest struggle is our trauma brain that associates trauma things first and struggles to see beyond that.
we went to this writing class and had to do some writing exercises in class and it took a LOT not to write anything mental health related. its like it is the only think left in our brain sometimes.
if asked to share something about ourselves the trauma stuff is right up at front and we have to buy time and dig deeper to find somethign neutral, something that normal people would share.
its like asking a depressed person to say something that is not influenced by their depressed thoughts...
and we always get triggered, because we were not allow to say something in the past. or we were asked these questions to share so that abusers could do a better job at abusing. it just doesnt feel safe at all to say something honest and real.