Clothing/Dressing For your Alters

You got three ways of approaching this. Either show what happens to cross dressers or just tell your female alters, it ain't gonna happen. Or you can give them items they can wear without drawing attention, like a pair of glasses, or a bracelet or anklet. My alter wanted to dress up but because of our situation she understood and never forced the issue. Hope you can find some middle ground.

Dear Zor

I'm not quite sure what to call one of mine "Calamity Jane'. I think the most accurate thing to call her is a "Part". For years she bugs me to get really 'Pretty Hand bags". Especially Western Style ones with pink rhinestones and all that stuff that I see sometimes at the local Grange.

In her day, they said that when she wore women's clothing she looked like a man in drag, so it hasn't been much of an issue for me since she was in her day what would now be called a "Bull Dyke". But I do accommodate her by sometimes wearing Leather satchels with all that leather fringe that she is so fond of. I call all those things "Jane Bags". Very "Western" or "Scout" style.

As far as clothing/dressing for my other alters, yes I commonly do that too. Especially the Little Ones. They are really into "Super Heroes" like Superman, Batman etc. As an adult (regardless of gender) that is much easier to wear publicly because is so popular anyway. I also have some things I wear for my Protector "The Taborite" . I painted his Village's shield on the back of a jacket as well as got him some T shirts of his hero "Jan Zizka" while in Tabor. When wearing that stuff is hard sometimes because being outside of the Czech republic" no one knows what it means and so if anyone asks me about it, he jumps to front and explain it very passionately. Most people who only know of the term "bohemian" think of Hippies, Beatniks, Artists etc. That use of the term originally comes from "Tabor" as well, so he makes sure they know the connection.

I also at times wear clothing to express my tean alt "M@rk" which is old early 80's "Punk Rock". But this is easy to pull off even at age 50.

The Female alt situation I can see being very perplexing and especially so new to this. The DSM is very clear about things like "Cross dressing" if it's any comfort to you. If it doesn't cause problems in your life, work, etc then it's not a disorder. Here in Oregon, we have a Lesbian Governor as well as a Drag Mayor. The Mayor is not "Bi" or "Gay" but very straight and married, but it's just his thing. Many here in Oregon have just come to get used to these things.

Yesterday for example I had to get some smokes at my local very busy market, and a small shop that shares the parking lot had over 50- 1 to 3 foot Cannabis plants just casually sitting out front to get some sunshine. I don't know the laws pertaining to such things, but was shocked to see them just hanging out in a very busy parking lot. I knew they were "Ditch Weed" and had zero THC, but I seriously doubt other's like tourists would know that. But here everyone is just so used to all sorts of Diversity that it's no big deal. I mention this because I sometimes see guys in drag as well just shopping etc, and they may get a double take, but other than that, people seem to accept it.

Here is a question that keeps coming to my mind, relating to all of this "Alt" stuff...

"On paper I fully understand that all these "Alts" are parts of ourselves. However if one were to become "Integrated" into "One", how would all these sorts of "Personal Tastes" get sorted out?"

This example especially. How does a Female Alt and all that goes with it, become integrated into a male body and all that goes with that? Is it a matter of coming to grips with "other Sides" of oneself? As is in a Guy becomes more "Sensitive" about their "Feminine Side"? I'm sure Women as well as many others, see this as a good thing. But how does that happen?

On a "larger" perspective I can see it as healthy part of becoming a "Whole" person, but in actual nitty gritty reality,that seems like a lot to process, in addition to everything else on our plates? I don't think there is any "One" answer since this is a very deeply personal thing. But it is just something that I am trying to figure out.

On a side note, Yesterday I treated "All" of us with a very nice BB gun Rifle with scope. It made "Jane", the Littles, M@rk, and even the Taborite Happy (he's a combat vet from the "Hussite Wars" and was handy with a Howitzer and musket). They all like to "Plink" and these days I don't feel comfortable owning a "Real Gun" with what I was falsely accused of and my "Disability". Besides Ammo is just crazy expensive and too loud for my PTSD. I just would waste ammo shooting the very same tin cans anyway so why waste money hehe.

I like it when I can find common ground between so many alts at once. That way they all get to play and have fun together. It seems to build more communication with each other.

Great Post Zor!

Warmly
Lumpy

That was some good stuff to think about, thanks guys!

Zor wrote:

PlanetIcarus wrote:
Are you actually asking your God's opinions from us? How many types of cross-dressing do you know that aren't for inner girls of someone's? Learn to judge yourself as you do others, or just stop being such a hypocrite. -JON-

I wasn't asking that at all… just if others had had similar experiences or feelings and how they were addressed… Please don't be so harsh… I am confused and a little scared by all this still, and was seeking advice from people that may have had similar struggles to figure out how I could approach this one myself. Nothing more, nothing less.

Don't be offended by Jonathan, he means good. He's usually very silent, but when he has something to say, he says big opinions very shortly, and can sound pretty cruel because he doesn't do any explaining, which he actually is not. He defends any minority or any people he thinks are mistreated, including you if someone would offend you for having mental illness.

He also tests peoples reactions. He comes out kind of rude, but having valid point and then he sees how others respond. Do they get angry, if they do, how angry and how are they on their worst, so can they be trusted. Do they hear at all what he has to say, or respond just with feeling. If he's being heard, he can have actual conversations as well, but won't if he's not heard anyway.

There is a very trustworthy person inside that layer of titanium. And he is as harsh for himself than he is for others, he is honest about his true motives. He's not very keen on religious people, who many times are very judgmental, but still don't take any responsibility about their choices but hide behind their Gods.

So.. translating his answer: he doesn't see why there would be any point of talking about is something right or wrong, if you don't make any free choices or take any responsibilities on your own anyway. He is not going to analyze opinions of your God's. He's only willing to discuss with people who are able to make their own choices, because if his opinion is not going to have any meaning to you, why would he give it.

If you call male body wearing female clothing, or vise versa, cross-dressing, when you are talking about others, and say it is a no-no, without caring if they are female/male inside or not, it is called cross-dressing when your body does it too. Your case is not more special than any transgender's. Gender issues are gender issues, and it is the same thing with or without DID.

If you understand there is a true reason for them to dress for who they are also, if you are willing to realize transgender people or transvestites or any people with any kind of gender differences do also have a legit reason to dress to their inner true selves, then you can allow it to your girls also, to be fair. But if you allow yourselves to do stuff you can just no-no from others, that is pure hypocrisy. And that was what you were asking about. That it is a no-no, but aren't you a special case. His answer was NO, you are not special, you are like others.

So to him, having any conversation or not starts from there. If you are to follow your believes about no-nos, there actually isn't anything to discuss about. Or maybe you open your mind and there is a real question on how to deal with the situation, and he is willing to discuss it. So it is purely up to you.

You see, Jonathan is quite a logical thinker, and if he sees a question as not really legitimate, that is a problem which needs to be solved first. I'm not saying he's the easiest person to have a conversation with, he's quite intense with details being right. I think he reacted sounding judgmental, because to him you sounded judgmental. He's not sorry about that, so I won't apologize, I'm more like trying to build a bridge if it is wanted, or maybe you just don't speak to each other, which is fine with him and me also.

I have no opinions about this cross-dressing thing, we don't have any girls. We do have guys with very different styles though, and they are allowed to be who they are, so we are very versatile what comes to our clothes, we have a new style every day. We do have an inner cross-dresser though, and I have no clue what is he expressing with his odd choices, like wearing a pony pictured t-shirt, with high heels and fishnet tights. But he does that only in our head space, we don't own that kind of clothes in the outside world. He doesn't front a lot, so he doesn't really care how our body looks like. I'm not sure if he even knows he is living in a different kind of body than his is. He is an outcome of torture and he's really messed up in many ways more important than how to dress properly.

Aleksi

PlanetIcarus wrote:Don't be offended by Jonathan, he means good. He's usually very silent, but when he has something to say, he says big opinions very shortly, and can sound pretty cruel because he doesn't do any explaining, which he actually is not. He defends any minority or any people he thinks are mistreated, including you if someone would offend you for having mental illness.

He also tests peoples reactions. He comes out kind of rude, but having valid point and then he sees how others respond. Do they get angry, if they do, how angry and how are they on their worst, so can they be trusted. Do they hear at all what he has to say, or respond just with feeling. If he's being heard, he can have actual conversations as well, but won't if he's not heard anyway.

There is a very trustworthy person inside that layer of titanium. And he is as harsh for himself than he is for others, he is honest about his true motives. He's not very keen on religious people, who many times are very judgmental, but still don't take any responsibility about their choices but hide behind their Gods.

I didn't mean it to come across that way, as "hiding" at all… Sorry if it did- and I am not offended or upset, was more just shocked. But we're cool.

PlanetIcarus wrote:So.. translating his answer: he doesn't see why there would be any point of talking about is something right or wrong, if you don't make any free choices or take any responsibilities on your own anyway. He is not going to analyze opinions of your God's. He's only willing to discuss with people who are able to make their own choices, because if his opinion is not going to have any meaning to you, why would he give it.

It was more a question of do I indulge them- in that, should I support that? It is a matter that confuses and concerns me, so I was asking from my perspective more than their (the girls'). I get that without conscious control and the girls doing it it wouldn't be on my mind, but I wasn't asking in that perspective.

PlanetIcarus wrote:If you call male body wearing female clothing, or vise versa, cross-dressing, when you are talking about others, and say it is a no-no, without caring if they are female/male inside or not, it is called cross-dressing when your body does it too. Your case is not more special than any transgender's. Gender issues are gender issues, and it is the same thing with or without DID.

If you understand there is a true reason for them to dress for who they are also, if you are willing to realize transgender people or transvestites or any people with any kind of gender differences do also have a legit reason to dress to their inner true selves, then you can allow it to your girls also, to be fair. But if you allow yourselves to do stuff you can just no-no from others, that is pure hypocrisy. And that was what you were asking about. That it is a no-no, but aren't you a special case. His answer was NO, you are not special, you are like others.

Generally, my opinion on this is "it's their life, their decision, and something that have to come to terms with- not MY place to tell them no. Just don't force anything on others (which same goes for others including me, too)."

PlanetIcarus wrote:So to him, having any conversation or not starts from there. If you are to follow your believes about no-nos, there actually isn't anything to discuss about. Or maybe you open your mind and there is a real question on how to deal with the situation, and he is willing to discuss it. So it is purely up to you.

That is precisely the vein I was asking in - the girls in my head, are indeed aspects of me but legitimately NOT me, and are girls. Yeah the body isn't but that's not what defines the character of a person… So my question, my concern, was more of approaching it from me (the primary/host/whatever - sorry still very new to all this) being supportive, encouraging, or even actively enabling it… It is something I am unsure how to handle. I wasn't asking for religious discussion but merely stating that to explain WHY it's awkward and confusing to me. I was looking for others who may have (or have had) similar views and the same kind of struggle, to seek solidarity and a common ground discussion. Something like "Yeah, I believe similar and here is how I came to terms with this…" kind of stuff.

PlanetIcarus wrote:You see, Jonathan is quite a logical thinker, and if he sees a question as not really legitimate, that is a problem which needs to be solved first. I'm not saying he's the easiest person to have a conversation with, he's quite intense with details being right. I think he reacted sounding judgmental, because to him you sounded judgmental. He's not sorry about that, so I won't apologize, I'm more like trying to build a bridge if it is wanted, or maybe you just don't speak to each other, which is fine with him and me also.

I appreciate the thoughts and input. Sorry my original post/comments weren't quite as clear as I'd intended or thought. And I apologize if I sounded (absolutely unintentionally) judgmental. My comments of that sort were directed inward (at my own thinking) entirely, and only said to explain WHY I was asking and struggling with this.

Zor the way I would approach this, I think rules need to have reasons. If your god is against cross-dressing, why is that? Maybe you were taught that you're not allowed to question your god. But that doesn't make any sense does it? Why would a god give you a brain to think and then prohibit you from using it? If a god can't answer a question, why obey or respect such a god? Because of fear, because church leaders teach people to fear god and then parents teach their children. Religion is used to control people. In ancient times there was some reason why people were prohibited from cross-dressing, but does it apply now?

myce wrote:Zor the way I would approach this, I think rules need to have reasons. If your god is against cross-dressing, why is that? Maybe you were taught that you're not allowed to question your god. But that doesn't make any sense does it? Why would a god give you a brain to think and then prohibit you from using it? If a god can't answer a question, why obey or respect such a god? Because of fear, because church leaders teach people to fear god and then parents teach their children. Religion is used to control people. In ancient times there was some reason why people were prohibited from cross-dressing, but does it apply now?

Yes! *Edit; like; huray, not as an answer to the question you ask:)

Zor wrote:It was more a question of do I indulge them- in that, should I support that?

Your parts are you and you are your parts only together do you make your whole. So I feel like its less a case of do you support them and more do you support yourself?

If you think of the yin and yang thing within each person is an element of man there is an element of feminity and within each woman an element if masculinity. At some point your feminity split from you and as a result you have been denying her all and that part of yourself for years. Accepting her is important as are her needs and wants and its also important for her to accept yours.

That doesn't necessarily mean cross dressing especially if you have strong feelings on the subject. But communicate with her find out what she needs and want. I think you have said about getting a post it note from one of your alters so maybe try writing her a note or letter. See if she would be happy with more feminine things around her that don't trouble you. And if she isn't see if you can reach a compromise.

NyxX wrote:

Zor wrote:It was more a question of do I indulge them- in that, should I support that?

Your parts are you and you are your parts only together do you make your whole. So I feel like its less a case of do you support them and more do you support yourself?

If you think of the yin and yang thing within each person is an element of man there is an element of feminity and within each woman an element if masculinity. At some point your feminity split from you and as a result you have been denying her all and that part of yourself for years. Accepting her is important as are her needs and wants and its also important for her to accept yours.

That doesn't necessarily mean cross dressing especially if you have strong feelings on the subject. But communicate with her find out what she needs and want. I think you have said about getting a post it note from one of your alters so maybe try writing her a note or letter. See if she would be happy with more feminine things around her that don't trouble you. And if she isn't see if you can reach a compromise.

That is something I am hoping I can do in the future. The one that left the note is Pixie… she isn't the ultra girlie-girl one of the girls, but she's the most outspoken of all of us (by far) and very much fits the "Tinker Bell" image we all say reminds us of her.

I am hoping to be able to establish some sort of compromise with them all, something to make them all happy and still maintain a sense of well being (meaning - not full of constant bickering, anger, resentment, and stuff that will drive us all up the wall constantly).

I like the idea of trying to reach out to them. Thanks NyxX. I'll try leave little notes or letters and see what happens - do you think personally addressing them could help encourage a response?

It could but are you sure you know who left the tabs on your browser open? Or any other things that's been happening that you don't remember doing? Maybe try a mix of both.