Can a part die?

Efragment wrote:Didn't want to bring up your therapy before, but, yeah, that can cause a whole lot of chaos. I'm glad, K, B and D, that you feel safe enough to (have) talk(ed) about it. All your opinions matter, and I hope you can work it out together so everybody will feel some comfort again.

I thought therapy was supposed to help. Not make it worse.

In way though, I'm happy to see B upset over Delilah's dilemma. Clearly B doesn't hate everyone as much as she pretends to. *she's glaring at me and rolling her eyes.

I just need D to be ok. To top things off, D and L are really close, and when D isn't ok, L isn't okay. D is, in many ways like L's mother but is also her best friend.

K

DelilahKBL wrote:I thought therapy was supposed to help. Not make it worse.

K

It gets worse before it gets better. But it does get better.

Think of this analogy. Have you ever watched any of those home renovation shows on TV? Where they rip out the outdated structures and rebuild and renovate from scratch? At first the property is a mess, and perhaps difficult to deal with in that state. But gradually the new structures are completed, and the house ends up better than before.

Sending you peace.

MDs

MakersDozn wrote:

DelilahKBL wrote:I thought therapy was supposed to help. Not make it worse.

K

It gets worse before it gets better. But it does get better.

Think of this analogy. Have you ever watched any of those home renovation shows on TV? Where they rip out the outdated structures and rebuild and renovate from scratch? At first the property is a mess, and perhaps difficult to deal with in that state. But gradually the new structures are completed, and the house ends up better than before.

Sending you peace.

MDs

Yeah. I get what you're saying. Thank you.

K

*eye roll*
B


K-apologizing for B's rudeness

Hey B,

I speak fluent eyeroll. Wanna come over to the Protectors' thread?

Laura and others

DelilahKBL
The nice submissive fronting host personalities create problems for the system, and the ugly cursing but *smart* protectors resolve the problems. That's how teamwork works. Of course I'm on B's side by default. You really ought to listen to B.

myce wrote:DelilahKBL
The nice submissive fronting host personalities create problems for the system, and the ugly cursing but *smart* protectors resolve the problems. That's how teamwork works. Of course I'm on B's side by default. You really ought to listen to B.

Delilah does not create problems. She’s been the strong one.
B usually causes the problems. But it seems a new ... what’s the word, a re-organization if roles is happening. I’m a bit confused and am just waiting to see how it all levels out.

K

DelilahKBL wrote:

myce wrote:DelilahKBL
The nice submissive fronting host personalities create problems for the system, and the ugly cursing but *smart* protectors resolve the problems. That's how teamwork works. Of course I'm on B's side by default. You really ought to listen to B.

Delilah does not create problems. She’s been the strong one.
B usually causes the problems. But it seems a new ... what’s the word, a re-organization if roles is happening. I’m a bit confused and am just waiting to see how it all levels out.

K

Hi K. Shield is never going to stop talking about that time when she was right. We "argued" about this earlier, but truly we know that no one is to blame. It is the empty space between us that has caused many problems. I thought I had an anger problem. I tore my own arm out of its socket. They tested me for drugs but I was just crazy. I thought I should be able to control my anger and I couldn't. A decade would pass before we became self-aware.

When confronted with a threat, there are a number of possible instinctive responses. One is to get angry and fight, another is to submit. In an abusive environment the instincts grow disconnected, and submission may be abnormally favored if it helps the child gain favor and avoid aggression. They develop a strong "apparently normal" part who is submissive. They may be very aware of others' needs and take pleasure in serving others, but not very aware of their own needs.

But there was resistance when you were forced to suppress your needs and that is the instinct to get angry when you are wronged. It is important for our kind/caring/submissive selves to be aware of our possible origins in trauma and listen to the others when they are trying to tell us something is wrong. They might start out as just a lot of rage, but if you honor them they will learn and grow. The one who tore my arm out of its socket is now my friend who jokes with me and sometimes tells me things about the system that I didn't know.

myce wrote:

DelilahKBL wrote:

myce wrote:DelilahKBL
The nice submissive fronting host personalities create problems for the system, and the ugly cursing but *smart* protectors resolve the problems. That's how teamwork works. Of course I'm on B's side by default. You really ought to listen to B.

Delilah does not create problems. She’s been the strong one.
B usually causes the problems. But it seems a new ... what’s the word, a re-organization if roles is happening. I’m a bit confused and am just waiting to see how it all levels out.

K

Hi K. Shield is never going to stop talking about that time when she was right. We "argued" about this earlier, but truly we know that no one is to blame. It is the empty space between us that has caused many problems. I thought I had an anger problem. I tore my own arm out of its socket. They tested me for drugs but I was just crazy. I thought I should be able to control my anger and I couldn't. A decade would pass before we became self-aware.

When confronted with a threat, there are a number of possible instinctive responses. One is to get angry and fight, another is to submit. In an abusive environment the instincts grow disconnected, and submission may be abnormally favored if it helps the child gain favor and avoid aggression. They develop a strong "apparently normal" part who is submissive. They may be very aware of others' needs and take pleasure in serving others, but not very aware of their own needs.

But there was resistance when you were forced to suppress your needs and that is the instinct to get angry when you are wronged. It is important for our kind/caring/submissive selves to be aware of our possible origins in trauma and listen to the others when they are trying to tell us something is wrong. They might start out as just a lot of rage, but if you honor them they will learn and grow. The one who tore my arm out of its socket is now my friend who jokes with me and sometimes tells me things about the system that I didn't know.

Thanks for your response. Delilah was the one who made us becquiet and still. “Be unobtrusive so he won’t notice you. Be gentle and meek so he’ll have less reason to be mean.” She is VERY aware of our trauma, and honestly holds more memories than the rest combined. She has the most complete information. She’s been protector as well as a gate keeper. She can force a switch or prevent one. She takes care of the little one, and co-fronts with me as well as the little one.

She’s dealt with a lot. She actually cane back for a little bit last night at bed time. B was almost asleep and was cuddled up to our husband, when D was just suddenly there. He noticed the change and held her. It’s my understanding that they didn’t really talk, he just held her while she cried herself to sleep. Then this morning it was B who woke up, went back to sleep, and me who woke up later.

I’m glad D isn’t GONE gone. But she’s back to being in complete hiding.

-sigh

Thanks for listening to our ramblings.
K

Hi K I see. I'm only the Fronts, but I have parts who are usually "dark" to me who can control the system. One used to be near the front when we were younger. She left this world and she has a "dead" alter. I have to ponder your post for awhile. Thank you.

myce wrote:Hi K I see. I'm only the Fronts, but I have parts who are usually "dark" to me who can control the system. One used to be near the front when we were younger. She left this world and she has a "dead" alter. I have to ponder your post for awhile. Thank you.

Can you please explain the “dead alter” thing?

K