Finding a new T

NyxX wrote:
I'm dancing happy Leon the lionyou should come dance with me do lions dance? I think lions dancing would makes me giggle

The Pixie

I can't come to dance now coz it's night time and I need to sleep. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCHTOZ2CmDY

But they can dance with you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QvsQ9hYKq7c

Leon and big one

thanksies LadySlippers I likes your name

and baby lions are cute and I wanted to hug it and the dancing song was a good dancey song I spun around till I got diet and nearly fell onto SO's (why can'ts I use his name stupid Z and stupid rules) toy soldiers and he got cross with me but then he smiled so it's ok cos it wasn't real cross he was just scared I'd brake them why do bigs have fragile toys?

The Pixie

After the first meeting went so well the 2nd one didn't. That was Wednesday last week.

I mean it wasn't perticularly bad it just wasn't good. So I spent the last week maybe it won't work with her. So yesterday I finally sent a message asking if it was ok to ask questions before we meet next week. She responded that yes it was and did I want to speak or email. So I emailed my perceptions from when I saw her and asked if they were correct.

Its now been over a day since I sent the email and I haven't had a response yet.

Sorry to hear it wasn't like you'd hoped for.

Maybe she wants to take some time to think before replying? Or she didn't expect this type of questions?

Lots of therapists take at least a week to respond to emails, many won't do emailing at all unless it's for scheduling. However, since you asked about it beforehand, I'm sure she will try to give some answers.

The most standard reply from therapists to emails is something akin to: "Let's discuss this in session". It's partially because of time-constraints, but also because communication has a lot of facettes and subtleties (e.g. facial expressions, tone of voice) that you don't get so much when you're not talking in-person.

I would say, don't give up too soon. Hope it will work out for you!

NyxX wrote:After the first meeting went so well the 2nd one didn't. That was Wednesday last week.

I mean it wasn't perticularly bad it just wasn't good. So I spent the last week maybe it won't work with her.

Unless there was something that seems to be a real deal-breaker, it's worth giving it more time. The kind of question you asked--about your perceptions of what went on, might not be easy to respond to in an email, so if she wants to wait to discuss these issues in person I think that's reasonable.

A lot of the process of my therapy consists of me finding out that perceptions that I was sure were accurate (about what he was thinking, or why he did/said something) turn out not to be.

Also, it's very common to have all-or-nothing thinking. If one session goes well, then they all will, or should, and if one doesn't then that is how they're all going to be. It's a very up-and-down process.

Give it time. Maybe even journal how you’re feeling about her not responding yet and show that to her. It’s a complicated relationship and like Gang writes lots of ups and downs. Definitely a process. So, if you liked that first session it shows there’s potential.
I think there’s fear too - can we get close to someone, is it safe,are they good people . So many issues.

Also , want to tell the Pixie thankyou for saying you liked our name -I just saw that . And like hearing it

We would give it time as well, given the success of the original meeting.

MDs

She finally replied about an hour ago. I'm not sure how we feel about the reply yet. I got emotional and switchyy (I don't think that's a real word but I can't think of a proper one) and haven't felt up to rereading it yet so I don't even know what it says. I do know it upset at least 1 someone but I'm feeling confused and not connected so I don't know who or why.

Hi NyxX,

It's okay to feel the way you feel, and it's okay to not know why you're feeling the way you are. Some of us struggle with this very issue. We hope that you're able to find peace soon.

Mary and shawn

NyxX wrote:She finally replied about an hour ago. I'm not sure how we feel about the reply yet. I got emotional and switchyy (I don't think that's a real word but I can't think of a proper one) and haven't felt up to rereading it yet so I don't even know what it says. I do know it upset at least 1 someone but I'm feeling confused and not connected so I don't know who or why.

You all don't have to feel the same way. You can let each part write how they feel so you have it captured, and then bring the writing to her when you see her. Also, you can write back exactly what you wrote above so she knows your initial reaction, and then let her know you'll keep sorting out how you feel about her reply and you can talk more with her at your session.

It's been difficult for me to learn that I don't have to feel ONE way about whatever happened, but it's very helpful to try to stay open to ALL the feelings that I'm having, even if they contradict each other.

Also, fwiw, I think switchy is a great word.