Finding a new T

in the minutes since posting this Z has continuously telling me I can not tell the T anything.

Maybe you can find out what Z is afraid of? It might not be based on anything that is actually happening in the present.

I would tell about you suspecting it to be DID, but you can leave it like that. You don't need to give any details too fast for yourself, you can tell you are not ready to talk about it any further yet.

The whole point of therapy is to create a good relationship with the T, and it starts there. She needs to be willing to work patiently with your trusting issues, denial, etc. Your job is just to be honest and tell how you feel. All that all of you feel. So tell her you have a trust issue. That is how she can learn about you and you'll learn about her when you see how she responds. Therapy is for you after all, and for all your difficulties. I think it gives her better understanding about your situation, than if you hide the trust issue and unwillingly submit to do something you don't really feel like. Because the trust issue and denial and hardship to even talk about it, will be the point where you will start. She won't know it, if you hide it. It is important as well. You need to be honest, but it is different from needing to tell everything.

You are allowed to have boundaries, she is a stranger to you. You just need to tell there is a boundary there, and then you can talk about the boundary. It is not her job to break them, but be there waiting for you to be ready to start to talk about. But talking about boundaries and denial, is not time wasted, it is as important as any other symptom you have.

I've understood it takes about a year to create a trust, and after it is accomplished, starts the real work. It is not uncommon patients don't even know themselves they have DID before they are in the therapy already. It would be fair to tell, but if you struggle to tell, then you just tell that you struggle to talk about everything. Then it is not you lying, but being honest.

Therapy is not something she will do to you, as you know. It is something you do yourself, and she is there to support you, and you'll start from where you are. Ts don't do any magic tricks after all, it only works if you give true insight. That's how she'll learn about you. Saying "I don't want to talk about it" is also information.

You are always so wise, PlanetIcarus. I agree with everything you said about how to approach a new T.

PlanetIcarus wrote:Saying "I don't want to talk about it" is also information.

And saying that you have a part called Z that is continuously telling you not to tell her anything would be even more information! (But you don't need to do that, of course)

Just for perspective, I've been seeing my T for a year, and there is a TON that I have not told him about my life. Almost nothing about my family, not what my job is, or my education, almost no childhood experiences (or past adult experiences, for that matter). But we have spoken a lot about my bad experience with the previous T, and about interpersonal stuff between me and my current T, and about boundaries and trust, and about my new and increasing awareness of parts.

There are definitely things that he WANTS to know about, that I haven't told him, but he's willing to wait until I feel like it's safe to tell him those things. A good T knows how to be patient.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:Maybe you can find out what Z is afraid of? It might not be based on anything that is actually happening in the present.

I wouldn't describe it as afraid because I don't think she can feel fear and her perception of self is that she is unencumbered by emotions. I sense the others in my mind especially when they are present with me I feel what they feel. And Z I sense as a void that ahe is somehow empty and lacking (she thinks she is better bit less.)

I know what motivates it because while she doesn't experience emotions as the rest of us do if at all she us strongly motivated by one thing and one thing alone our safety. She believes people will gurt us and enjoy it and she can't tell the people that enjoy to hurt others from the safe people. She spends alot of effort on learning to predict others. And to her making yourself vunrable to others is asking to get hurt and if its a person we don't know enough about to accurately predict there behavior it is the hight of stupidity to allow yourself to be vunrable around them.

Z stopped after a little while anyway mainly because Nixie stuck one of the curses from one of the frozen songs on a loop in our head so that's been fun ahe has been singing:

Don't think, don't feel, don't let them know
Be the good girl you always have to be

It's not even the whole verse and she is getting the bit she sings muddled up anyway. She can barely say to words together when she talks as well so I've been finding it annoying and trying really hard to be patient.

Planetlcarus in addition to doing the tests I've typed up 2 pages of stuff I intend to go over or just give to her if I chicken out. Included is some brief history what I want from therapy what I feel I need from her stuff like that. So I have listed that I need her to understand I don't trust easily and I need her to bot take that personally (my first T did) and separately that I experience a compulsion to not tell. I put that my symptoms got significantly worse a few of years when a traumatised part of me woke up from dormancy and at the moment that is as honest as I can be.

-- Tue Jun 05, 2018 10:30 pm --

TheGangsAllHere wrote:And saying that you have a part called Z that is continuously telling you not to tell her anything would be even more information! (But you don't need to do that, of course)

I think saying something like that will end up being the way I go when I do finally manage to tell

Left the new T and am on the bus home and I feel jittery so I'm on here to distract myself.

It went really well she understands dissociation she thinks the over reliance that people who don't understand dissociation is unhelpful and believes that grounding can be an avoidance behaviour both as the T and the client. She seems to be big on validate my experience and expressed a disre to help me with my unique experiences of disassociation because we all experience things differently. She also said again about how we only dissociate as much as we need to which was really good for me to here because I kinda feel like I'm failing at life because of it sometimes.

We also talked about parts. I did not mention DID and neither did she. I mentioned parts when saying that things were manageable until a few years ago when a part of me I was suppressing woke up. She was accepting off. She mentioned parts I can't remember exactly what she said but something about bringing all of a persons parts together without forcing integration so that all of a persons needs can be met.

Also we talked about the fact I don't trust people and it will take time to open up. I left the stuff I prepared with her and she asked if it was ok if she read it which I told her yes and that anything I had not felt comfortable telling I didn't include.

Also she has clinical supervision she sees her supervisor once a month and has had the same one for a number of years and that she is aware of the importance of self care for her. (My 1st T was really emotional so it's important to me that I don't feel like I can't be honest because she will get upset.)

I think that covers everything

That sounds really good, NyxX! Nice:)

It sounds great, we are happy for you!

I wanna say happy happy, so Leon must be somewhere really close.

He's smiling for you too.

Some big ones with Leon

Thanks Efragment and Planetlcarus it's a massive relief that the first meeting went well we have been feeling so much pressure about it.

nyx

I'm dancing happy Leon the lionyou should come dance with me do lions dance? I think lions dancing would makes me giggle

The Pixie

Yah! So glad it went well . Big congrats