Finding a new T

You could print out a selection of your posts where you describe your symptoms. Just copy and paste them into a Word doc so they're easier to read. If you bring 3-4 pages, the T could read them while you're there and ask you any questions that she has.

It is putting a lot of pressure on you (and her) to think of it as your only chance. There are always alternatives. But maybe this T would be willing to get supervision from someone and to learn what she needs to learn. All you can do is meet her and give it a chance.

The one I'm going to see is the one I called who has experience and thinks we only dissociate as much as we need to she also said the nhs often don't understand dissociation. Of the otger 2 one was a flat refusal and one was I'm willing to try and help so she probably would be willing to be supervised or research into things if she couldn't find someone to supervise.

I think as long as this one is better then my last it'll be ok even if I don't decide to stick with her. this will be the 3rd T for me and I stopped with the first because I felt like she just didn't know how to help me and I didn't know either and it was a waste if time and effort. The 2nd told me my distress tolerance is to poor and I need to fix that before therapy could help. And that left me feeling like I have to get better on my own before someone will try to help me. And I'm now less able to function then I was when I saw the first. So a parts feel like this is the last chance if it goes badly again thats it we are done and I know reasonably that it doesn't have to be that way but I was so hopeful the last 2 times

NyxX wrote:The one I'm going to see is the one I called who has experience and thinks we only dissociate as much as we need to she also said the nhs often don't understand dissociation.

That does sound promising.

NyxX wrote:The 2nd told me my distress tolerance is to poor and I need to fix that before therapy could help. And that left me feeling like I have to get better on my own before someone will try to help me.

There are SO many things a T could do to help you learn how to regulate better--grounding exercises, relaxation techniques, etc. If that's what you need, then that's part of a T's job. Did that T even propose how you could "fix that"?? Grrr--it's so annoying to hear things like that.

Just a general and you need to keep improving it and it really left me feeling hopeless and that's what's making me feel so much pressure going into it this time which I know is not helpful

So I decided as I sometimes become mute when stressed I needed to have stuff on paper so I've a PTSD check list the PCL one and scored 84, ACE I got 9.5 (I didn't know if I should score my birth mum going to prison because she left when I was 7 months,) and the DES-II and got 148.

Then I've written abit about past therapy and what I want and feel I need. But mostly the tests I'm now sat thinking well good job I'm going to see a T tomorrow because I'm bat**** crazy.

I just realised its not tomorrow but Wednesday

I still think it would be helpful to have printouts of your posts where you describe what your experience is, your parts, etc. Personally, I think test scores are less relevant than your descriptions of your current dissociative symptoms. After all, that's what you want help with.

Your unique experiences and system are what direct the therapy, not a label. A good T is not going to need you to prove that you have a particular diagnosis.

This is just my opinion--you need to do whatever makes you feel comfortable for the first appt.

I did consider that but I just the thought made me start shutting down. I know its best to be open and honest because they can't help you otherwise but we experience such a strong compulsion not to tell and not just with serious stuff but little things as well. It will take time before I can be truly honest with her and then probably only a little at a time.

I was doing the tests because its easier for me to tick boxes then express myself directly or to talk to people that have no idea who I am or how to find me. So I'll try again tomorrow to look through my posts and see how I go but if I start shutting down again I won't end up having them for Wednesday. So I figured it would be better to have something to give us a starting point. On the bit I typed before printing it I added symptoms not covered and that was mainly so I could put down about the compulsion not to tell and become mute. But your right something more personal would be much more effective.

That makes sense. I remember now how hard it was for me to start giving posts to my T even after I had been seeing him for awhile. Just the fact that you've written down that it's going to be hard for you to tell her things will be helpful. A good T will understand that. Also, the first appointment is usually just as much for you to get to know something about her as for her to start to get to know you.

Yikes. I’m nervous just reading your posts.
She knows you’re DID because you said that in email, right?

What if you just go and meet her and let it be low key. Just talk and let it go where it goes?
It feels very intense for a first session to try to lay it all out there/unless that’s what you want to do.
Be gentle with yourself

no I asked about complex trauma and dissociative disorders. I have never told anyone even my SO it was more do you think this applies and I know I need to tell her but I struggle to be honest about something as simple as not sleeping without losing my voice. So its hard for me to imagine telling her. I feel like I'm trying to tie one hand behind her back while juggling invisible ball. On the DES-II there is a question about hearing voices and that was incredibly hard to answer honestly so she might ask about them.