New Here

Hello,
I am Delilah. Our system has 4. I am not the original one but strongly dislike being referred to as an alter as there have been times I was in the most control of things. I love everyone I share this body with, even the angry, bratty, resentful, moody one.

It is my concern for her, B, which has led me here.

B resents everyone in here. The only person she likes is our husband, who has been an amazing supportive soul. B is especially resentful of K, who is “the born one,” as B liked to call her (when she is not using more vulgar names towards K). She truly believes that I’d she had been born, rather than creative she would be the only one and would have a “real life.” This is a deep issue for B. She also loves our husband passionately and is terrified that he loves the others more than her, or that he will abandon her or try to make her leave. She feels every emotion so very deeply, wheather it is love, pain, frustration, etc. especially jealousy and fear.

I do not know how to help her. The little one is secure and adores our husband. In fact, she was the first to show herself and allowed him to tell K about her (K was dating him at the time). and K is much happier than she’s ever been now that she understands who the rest of us are and where we came from. She understands the how and why of us.

B is just so angry and always emotional. She is 17, though the body is quite a bit older than that. Another source of B’s frustration. She says she wants to fit in, yet the will antagonize, push, and be hateful to K and the little one. Oh, she tried with me, but I simply do. It react.

I am sorry this is so very long, but I just do not know what to do to help B. K and I wrote B a letter this week, hopefully she will read it when she wakes up.

Hello Delilah, welcome!

It sounds like your system is doing pretty well communicating and working together, apart from the issues with B.

We don't like the term 'alter' either, we much prefer to refer to ourselves as 'parts'. We like the idea that we are all parts which together make up a whole. There's no original or 'born one' in our system.

We're still very new to all this - just six months basically from coming into awareness, so we're still just learning how to cope and deal with it all.

V2

VioletFlux wrote:Hello Delilah, welcome!

It sounds like your system is doing pretty well communicating and working together, apart from the issues with B.

We don't like the term 'alter' either, we much prefer to refer to ourselves as 'parts'. We like the idea that we are all parts which together make up a whole. There's no original or 'born one' in our system.

We're still very new to all this - just six months basically from coming into awareness, so we're still just learning how to cope and deal with it all.

V2

Yes, parts. That is how we all see it except for B.

And thank you. I have worked very hard to help everyone. And I am so relieved to not have to be fully in charge anymore. Our husband is a very dominant person (not domineering) and B respects the rules he has put in place to help us. Things like, no hijacking the body. No self-hurting. Don’t antagonize the little, don’t steal other person’s things. He is very good at leashing B, so to speak. She knows if she breaks rules, there will be consequences... mainly, lost time with him. No video games (she loves playing EA Spirts Golf with Him). There are also needs she has, which she will be grounded from.

Husband very quickly adapted to us and recognized that each part is different in age and personality, and from the beginning has treated us as such. He has a teenage daughter, so essentially knows how to parent B when she steps too far out of line. But still allows her certain freedoms and does not squash her need to be outspoken and bratty. For example, if she playfully says “f—- you!” And flips him off, he laughs and engages in her playful banter. While the little one would be scolded for using bad language.

Honestly, we would not be as ok as we are without him. It’s like... everyone loves him and the one thing we all agree on is that he makes each part happy, and that has given us a reason to work together. Does that make sense?

We patent better. We are in college and between the three adult parts have managed to maintain straight A’s for the five previous semesters. We agree on the career goal. He has given us the confidence and the tools to be a successful unit.

But again, B throws us all into chaos when she begins to feel insecure. She has actually been away all week and it has been very peaceful and uneventful.

Hi DelilahKBL,

Welcome to the forum!

I hope you have a therapist?

Kind regards

Welcome Aboard DelilahKBL

I'm pretty new here too and I hope you All find this space as wonderful as I do.

There is a page for the Littles, Middles, and even Teenagers too

Great Job in school too! My Loved one is one quarter away from her Bachelors in Psychology and struggles hard to keep her straight A's too. I know how much work that is and so Kudos to you!

I look forward to reading all of your posts. And if you think your posts are long they will not seem so long after seeing a few of mine

I'm so happy for you that you have a husband that is so very supportive. That is very important. He sounds really nice too.

I just woke up and so need to get me coffee now, but again Welcome

Warmly
Lumpy

Efragment wrote:Hi DelilahKBL,

Welcome to the forum!

I hope you have a therapist?

Kind regards

K and I see a therapist. But she does not know us, only K. L has indicated a desire to meet the therapist, but I have not allowed it. K tried once to talk about it, I did not let her. I do not feel it is safe. As much as I would like to.

-- Tue May 22, 2018 12:08 pm --

lumpy68 wrote:Welcome Aboard DelilahKBL

I'm pretty new here too and I hope you All find this space as wonderful as I do.

There is a page for the Littles, Middles, and even Teenagers too

Great Job in school too! My Loved one is one quarter away from her Bachelors in Psychology and struggles hard to keep her straight A's too. I know how much work that is and so Kudos to you!

I look forward to reading all of your posts. And if you think your posts are long they will not seem so long after seeing a few of mine

I'm so happy for you that you have a husband that is so very supportive. That is very important. He sounds really nice too.

I just woke up and so need to get me coffee now, but again Welcome

Warmly
Lumpy

It is delight to “meet” you. I saw many of your posts last night as I was scrolling through. Congratulations to your Loved one. It is definitely a lot of work. We will graduate with a degree in Legal Studies next semester. Then we will take the LSAT next year and hopefully get into and through law school. K failed out of college the first time around, you can imagine some of the struggles. So we are all proud of what we have accomplished thus far.

And yes, Sir (our husband) is amazing!!!

I was very afraid you might be calling your husband Master, and it is Sir. Oh my:( You don't have to be his submissives. I hope your T will help you with this.

Warm regards

Efragment wrote:I was very afraid you might be calling your husband Master, and it is Sir. Oh my:( You don't have to be his submissives. I hope your T will help you with this.

Warm regards

My first reaction was to be angry with you. Then I took a deep breath and thought a moment before replying. And I realized, you are coming from a genuine place of concern because you do not fully understand.

K sought out a D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationship with our husband. She was friends with him first, and he helped her/us through a very rough time. Being with him was one of the best things that had ever happened to us. It gave her structure and stability she never had and so desperately needed. I saw he was good for us, so I let it happen, and watched. I found myself to be happier and the system as a whole was less stressed. Eventually I came out to meet him, after seeing how he reacted to meeting the little one and then B.

B, our aggressive, angry, defiant one actually calmed down quite a bit and does not try to harm the body anymore.

Our T does not need to “help” us. She is aware of the nature of the relationship and has seen a drastic improvement in how we function, and supports the choice to be submissive to a strong, kind, loving and supportive Dominant in the lead.

Being submissive to our husband is a choice K and I have made, even B listens to him most of the time, and the little one adores him. This type of relationship was not forced on us. We would not be where we are today without him.

He is not domineering. He is not unkind. We are each loved, respected, and protected. He recognizes our different needs and desires. He has supported us through college and was the one who convinced K we COULD do this. K relies less on me now, because our husband has helped her believe in herself. We are a more cohesive team, because he helped her see that there is nothing wrong her, and helped her accept the rest of us as part of her.

So please, don’t judge the relationship harshly. It has been very good for K, and as a result, very good for our system as a whole.

I’d be happy to further discuss this topic in a pm if you like, or answer questions here from anyone. But please remain respectful and do not just jump to the conclusion that we need help. Life with separate parts is difficult, and it’s my understanding that part of the goal of this forum is to respect one another’s struggles and share how we cope and adapt. And for us, the type of relationship we have with our husband has saved us. He is our safe place, our peaceful place. He quiets a lot of the chaos we used to experience. And it’s quieter inside.

Respectfully,
D

lumpy68 wrote:I look forward to reading all of your posts. And if you think your posts are long they will not seem so long after seeing a few of mine

Lumpy, you turn posting into an art form.

Welcome to the forum, Delilah.

MDs

Hi D,

The respect is mutual and I don't judge, not even a tiny little bit. I know what D/s is, that's why I recognized it quickly.

Personally, I am of the impression that an unhealed system can only be harmed by this. Not because I don't think you're aware of the nature; you clearly are intelligent, but because of the trauma's that aren't processed yet and resemble activities in D/s relationships.

A Dominant can give you the feeling that maybe even the trauma's are processed because of that. And because of the aftercare, right? But a Dominant is not a psychologist, and a good psychologist would never use BDSM for healing. You don't need restriction, you need freedom, in my opinion.

I understand your feeling of 'coming home', being understood, being safe and 'tamed', not having to 'think' even, maybe. I understand how comforting that feels, and I don't think you're doing ánything wrong.