TW Mom doesnt think DID is caused by abuse or trauma

She thinks ive "done this to myself" and because I said I didnt care about god/christianity im being punished.


Its annoying because it invalidates me. Makes me feel like the childhood i know I had never happened.
Ive frequently had that thought or fear. That I "came out wrong". She said she knew something was wrong with me when i was an infant and i cried when she touched me. Shes told me this story for years.I woke up one day and realized...I was a freaking infant,of course I cried when I was touched! She says ive been strange since I started going to school. I was maybe 3 or 4? I was bullied really badly. I remember terror going to school and my mom being emotionally neglectful at home despite being the PTA parent. She was neglected as a child so how she interacts with me wasnt to my liking. shes a great mom but..she always lacked something I needed.. I remember me loving my mother but not caring too much for her.



I say all of this because I keep hawbing someone i love and trust tell me I'm the way I am due to my own actions or mistakes . and thats scared me for years.


I believed it. I believed it for many years. Part of me believes it now .. parts of me who takes moms side and sees her as a sensible victim and me the is villain.
I see myself that way..always have until now.I'm willing to see myself differently.

Since a child theres been that angry part of me who lashes out and tries to punish me,right after an argument with mom.


Did is caused by either extreme abuse and or trauma.

Idk why its so hard for her to understand that and not blame me for my own trauma.

She is wrong. She cannot see you because she is empty inside. That hurts.

WeAreOne420 wrote:Idk why its so hard for her to understand that and not blame me for my own trauma.

It's probably hard for her because if she accepts that it's not your fault, then she'll have to face the reality that she had some part in causing it.

We have the same sort of struggle with our own mother. We're fairly sure we were already traumatized before we got to her, we had some abuse in foster care, but we're equally certain that our adopted parents didn't make things better with how they raised us.

So while we've told our mother some stuff about DID, we've sort of cherry-picked the information, and let her just focus on what happened in foster care. When we touch on some of the other things, she either gets defencive, or she plays the martyred victem role, but either way she makes it all about her.

You're right, it is invalidating. It's adding to the abuse, imho. Our mother is manipulative and passive-agressive, and I don't even know if she's aware of it. So we've had to decide on a balance with her - how much of her can we take, and how much (or how little) do we want to interact with her.

It's tough though if your mother's going to be actively abusive, blaming you and stuff.

Can you limit your exposure to her or whatever, so she's not causing you additional stress?

-V2

Oh I'm so sorry:( That's abusive of her. Please don't believe those stories about you as a child. And now.

this is an unproductive road and very common in family of origin.

probably not worth your energy.

She's toxic. Plain and simple. It might not be easy but you need to get away from her. It's not because of your relationship with God that did that to you. It was trauma that you suffered that did that. Anyone who uses religion to blame someone for their problems is toxic, especially against their own child isn't anything other than toxic to me.

If you have DID, I don't think it's EVER a good idea to try to make the ones who broke you understand what they've done. Because with DID it means it wasn't just a somewhat bad childhood, it was something indescribable. People who can do that, or be a part of doing that to a child, don't have any ability to understand what they've done, there's something really wrong with them. If she could understand, she wouldn't have done that. It's that simple. She doesn't change just like that, it will not happen.

It can't be fixed, and if it can be fixed it's a job that will require many years intense work with psychotherapist, it's not your job or something you can make any difference with. You will feel even worse as long as you try. You can't change the way people are, you can just decide are you spending time in that kind of environment or not. You need to understand they're such dangerous people, you should leave them and save yourself from all those people and environments where you were traumatized. You can't really even start to process it until you've done that.

The fact that she has no remorse and that it still makes you sad, tells her opinions still affect you. They shouldn't. You need to get away far enough, so you can start to deal with that. In a way you are still there living a trauma as long as you are with the people who were part of your trauma.

You feel better after you've just given up the hope, even when it's hurts to do so.

PlanetIcarus has a really good point, dear WeAreOne420; you can't heal when still in contact with the abusers. Since they were able to do what they did (even if it was 'just' not protecting you and searching for reasons to blame it all on you), they won't change now.

I hope you'll find a good DID T, you deserve it to heal.

I wouldn't be so quick to condemn parents again on the old chestnut that mental disease comes from parenting. Too many kids are recovering in therapy when they are able to complete various lines of medical inquiry and find an organic condition and not bad parenting.

Spoke with one counselor I remember who stated that he did not interview parents because they would only lie.

Talk about stigma . . . The APA and various recent articles by physician level shrinks clearly mention not only medical conditions which mimic psychiatric illness, but also that this sort of bias contributes to professional stigma the poor patient cannot use - to put it nicely.

None of us can. Yes, there is ignorance in the profession which emerges ultimately as nothing but pure stigma; denying the patient a medical clearance or family counseling on the belief they will only lie is stigma. Thanks a lot.

But we advocate for a medical clearance prior to patient intake because there are not only no signs of abuse in many BPD and identity feature cases, but evidence of various organic conditions which can mimic psychiatric disorders worthy of investigation. There are dozens of them, ranging from diabetes to dehydration and on and on.

I'm not saying BPD or DID patients weren't abused; maybe the diagnosis was wrong from the git-go (lot of that going around). BPD doesn't come from rotten parents, it is pre-existing and endogenous. I'm saying that all should keep an open mind as to just how people can't seem to improve - or are told it can't be cured - largely because their condition is endogenous and abuse therapy will not work on them. Or haven't you noticed? Their emotional condition can also be secondary to a primary medical condition underlying mood swings which mimics those, and that's two instances where - if overlooked - the patient is essentially denied psychologic care.

How would you feel? Think like a patient who is told he can't be treated for it, only to find out later he had lupus which can mimic BPD. Treat the lupus and the BPD disappears.

Many conditions are biological in origin however that is not the case with DID.

All the research into the causes of DID points to it being caused by trauma in early childhood. So even if the child's caregivers were not responsible for the trauma directly they would be responsible for failing to help protect the child.

And if the counselor deals primarily with abuse it would be true. And even if they don't a persons perceptions of a situation are subjective and can be contradictory to other's so interviewing someone else about a persons experience can be less then helpful.

I'm aware of no physical condition which creates at least one (and for most of us many) additional distinct and separate identities. However I do realise physical health can seriously impact mental health and vice versa.