Unsure of anything

A couple of weeks or so ago my wife casually mentions to me that I have 5 personalities and that she has named them. I asked her how long she had thought this and she said for about a week but wasn't sure. We have been married for 6 years and until now nothing like this was ever indicated though my mood would flip on a dime and I would have time lapses or argue with her with no memory. About 2 months or so ago my 2 1/2 month old baby passed away and as I was talking to my wife and mother last night it was brought to my attention that my memory of that night at the hospital is completely wrong. Now my wife says there are 10 different alts with their own voices and so on but I'm having issues accepting this and feel like I must be faking it. Sometimes I can start to recall what another said or did but then it disapears from my mind completely. I'm always being told I said things I didn't and did things that I didn't. She will say things and I repeat it back to her and she will say that's not what she said that I only hear what I want to. About a month after the loss she says we argued for 3 weeks and I have no memory of it other than maybe 3 flashes of a small window of it. Today she said there were messages between me and so girl I would even think of like that on my phone and I have no idea when I did that. All this didn't start until the loss of our baby or didn't strongly surface or whatever until after. I talk to myself in my head so to speak all the time and always have but figured it was normal along with calling myself stupid and such aloud. I'm always asking her what and she says she didn't say anything along with hearing things and asking if she did and most the time she tells me no... Am I faking or have schizophrenia or am I going crazy or something?

Oh my gosh...I am so sorry...I don't think this is the time to be worrying if you have a mental illness.

I would suggest concentrating on dealing with the grief from the death of your child. Consider getting professional help as soon as possible for this terrible loss.

And when you feel up to it - consider couple's therapy as this can put a tremendous strain on a marriage.

First of all, I'm very sorry about the loss of your baby.

I do know that for me, my DID didn't show up obviously until after a big trauma happened a few years ago. It was then that however it had all been holding together fell apart.

So if you do have DID, it could very well be that the traumatic loss of your baby has weakened the usual ways you coped and things are breaking down a bit to where others around you can see things more clearly.

Either way, best course of action is to find a therapist. It'll help with the trauma and loss, and help you navigate what may or may not be going on mental health-wise.

So very sorry for the loss of your baby.
I echo what others have said to find a therapist to help and support you .

Ok well this was pointless then if everything is going to revolve around the loss of my baby....

And no , you’re not crazy .
Please take care. Losing a baby is enormously difficult.

I'm so sorry for your loss, Internal.

Like Menagerie, we did not know about our DID until after a big trauma started the breakdown of internal walls.

I'll echo what the others have suggested, that finding a therapist is a good idea. We also think keeping a journal is a good idea. We've found it can help with memory issues, and if you do have other parts, it can facillitate communications between them.

-V2

Internal wrote:Ok well this was pointless then if everything is going to revolve around the loss of my baby....

I really wanted to respond to your post last night, but I was out with only my tiny old phone that's really hard to use if I want to quote from a post. I know that you weren't asking for support or help around your loss. But it's very likely that it was the trigger to making your dissociative symptoms more obvious.

Internal wrote:...my wife says there are 10 different alts with their own voices and so on but I'm having issues accepting this and feel like I must be faking it. Sometimes I can start to recall what another said or did but then it disapears from my mind completely

...Am I faking or have schizophrenia or am I going crazy or something?

No one here can diagnose you, but the reaction of "I must be making this up" is VERY common in DID/OSDD and it's hard to think of another condition to which people have this response. If you can find a therapist who is experienced in treating dissociative disorders, he/she can help you figure out what's going on and then help you with it.

Also, if you can spend time reading more posts on here--especially about how people started to realize and accept that they have it, that might be very useful. You can search for different keywords or just page through the forum. I spent months reading it last year before I was brave enough to post.

Journaling has been VERY helpful for me, but I wasn't really able to do it until I had a therapist for support. It was just too overwhelming and scary to accept that there were other parts that interacted with the outside world until I had the security of someone who treats DID all the time and who welcomed the existence of all of us.

This forum has been REALLY helpful also, as much as my T, but in different ways.

the Gang

If I have d.i.d. I'm sure my baby was the trigger since my wife and mother described me as "checked out" blissfully unaware that her, my wife, and the officer were talking to me. Also the fact that my memory of that night I recently found out is no where close to what actually happened and that my mom took my arm and got no response from me. I believe her exact words were " you were stoic ". I told my wife I would get therapy for everything and she has already found one close by but the idea of walking in, sitting down, and saying I believe I have d.I.d. honestly scares the living cheap outta me. I'm kinda just waiting for my brain to be like gotcha! If that makes any sense.

I think I was kinda hoping that getting on here and posting would lead to a lot of, that doesn't fit the bill, replies. The first thing I did after my wife telling me that and an increase in which they would present themselves to her I grabbed my phone and instantly googled, faking d.i.d. I read off list after list, site after site to her hoping that something I read would elicit a positive response from her but to no avail. W

Freaked out over the idea would be a mild explanation since I spent the better part of yesterday trying to figure out if I'm actually me, host, or an alter. I must have bombarded my poor wife for hours going over what the bits and pieces I remember of the last 6 years to reassure myself....

I posted again before I saw what you wrote ... I realize it’s the possible DID you want to address.
I self diagnosed and then went to see DID specialist.
When the therapist said yes this is the correct diagnosis I immediately shifted into no no no way.

It’s all a process and takes time .