Struggling *TW*

Is there any kind of crisis center you can call, or T you can talk to?

Yes, Menagerie - good advice.

08uP - if you are completely overwhelmed, please do reach out for help.

Yo! Lil b wanted me to let you know everything's okay and we're doing fine now. And he really appreciate your advice and concern, kittens puppies, and menagerie. Future plans=winning. No one to call but no need because I'm awesome anyway ;D haha i know the body needs sleep but I feel like running a mile and laughing the whole way! But I do keep yawning. Thanks again! Good night!

I just want to apologize for having been so weird Thursday (I think that was Thursday night. My perception of time isn't so great right now and I'm not really sure, but it's hard enough to know I missed one whole day, let alone think I might have missed two) night. It took me a while but today I realized that I completely missed Friday. Hard to describe, but its still hard for me to believe it's Saturday. That just seems so weird. Idk. I'm weird. sorry. thanks again everyone for your support.

Good to hear back from you Please don't apologize, we understand how discombobulating time can be.

How have you been doing?

A lot of what you say resonates with me. I can understand how you are feeling, and its confusing and stressful and overwhelming. These waves, coming and going, you can ride out and grow from. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for and no one blames you for feeling the way you do. There's no gentle way to experience the waves while they're crashing without a little help. Soon you'll be a fierce sailor

Speaking of help through the stormy seas, do you have a support system? Having a good friend or family member, someone close you can go to in case things get too intense? Even if just to hang around, distract, talk to, etc... It doesn't have to be difficult. Getting used to not letting yourself curl up with the negative feelings can help them from escalating.
The board is available as a support of course as an additional resource

What is very important and key is a therapist and/or psychiatrist you who you can develop a good relationship with. They can help guide you through the stormy seas.

Just one more thing,

The storm will calm down, the fog will clear. It will calm down for longer and longer periods the more you work on your awesome coping skills just begging to come out.

Hello. I think I managed to stay away from here for about a year. I thought things would get better off I did that to stop reminding myself in a self reinforcing pattern of things that had been troubling me. I think. No, actually I'm pretty sure I did post in the how are you today? Thread. Sorry to Surreal25 for never responding. I do have a problem with that.with getting back to people. With shutting down and shutting myself off. I really need to do more to appreciate other people. I'm just such a ######6 asshole and I hate myself so much.

But you people are great. Really. Every single one of you. Taking the time to help out my pathetic face. And I'm so stupid and insincere. I have been great though, I guess. Sometimes I socialize with people. Make new friends I'll never see again. Been working on my drinking. No friends or anyone to talk to about this sort of stuff. Great advice though. I really love the analogy with the waves and being a sailor. That made me smile.

Feeling like different people all the time is weird. I've been thinking though, what if it's not weird. What if everyone does it? I think that old guy might have done other bad things to other kids, and I never did or said anything. I feel like a fake well I was gonna say failure but yea I guess a fake too. He probably did worse things to others im sure and theyre probably perfectly fine and I'm making a big deal out of nothing, as always. Theres so much I wish I could change. I just wish I could have been a better person. I feel so old, now... But I'm just sick and tired. And the world is so sick it saddens me to despair.

Sorry for the stupid rambling. I came to complain about stuff not seeming real. So often it seems like I'm just watching tv, and then I snap back into what I guess is reality with quite a shock. Sometimes with fear, anxiety, nausea or vertigo. That's probably not that abnormal though. It seems like it's been happening more frequently or maybe I'm just noticing it more, and starting to get really fed up with by my, and with the surrealness of it all. It has me kind of afraid it could be an organic condition, like maybe my brains turning to mush. I guess I just wanted to rant about that and get someone's opinion on that if anyone can relate? I hope everyone else is at least doing alright.

I can relate to a lot of what you mentioned. But feeling like different people is not typical. It's a sign of severe childhood trauma. And it's really common to feel like you're faking, or making too big a deal out of things, or being oversensitive. Some people do feel like there must be something physically wrong with their brain, and it's important to get that ruled out, but it's not likely. From your previous posts it's clear that you had a lot of emotional abuse growing up.

Do you have a therapist? That can really help if you find someone with experience. And this forum can be very helpful also.

I'm sorry things are so rough right now.

Thank you for your validation @TheGangsAllHere. Yea, I think there might be something wrong, but no, I don't have a therapist. I tried once and had a very bad experience with the system. And that's off the table for now; I just need to focus on making money.

I try not to post here, because I'm afraid that it will reinforce the symptoms I've experienced. Does that make me an asshole? I decided I had to tonight. The noise inside has just been too unbearably loud and I can't sleep. I can't talk to them out loud, that would be... you know... The conversations never seem to go anywhere, they just drag on me. I feel like I need to scream. I feel like laughing. I feel like cutting or burning myself. I haven't done that in so long and I don't want to again, but I just want this to stop, to have piece and calm and normalcy and regular sleep. I guess I'm afraid to write in a journal for the same reason I'm afraid to post here.

I don't like feeling like other people... I hate myself so much for this... I had a dream the other night. That I was someone else. I woke up in the middle of the night confused. I had no idea who I was, and I felt my face with my hands for at least 10 minutes trying to remember who I am, before I figured it out and that I'm me and I had my identity back. That was a strange experience to me. And the next day, I kept feeling two others, that's more common but still strange and I don't like it. They're not mean like the thought voice I've been arguing with tonight, but I still don't like it. Maybe I'm mean to them. I sound stupid, I know it. I am stupid. I'm sorry, I just had to vent a little to try and clear my head so I can sleep. I hope everyone else is doing ok. Thanks. Good night.

You can't make them go away by ignoring, it makes the situation worse. They are people, they can't disappear if they are not wanted, you share a body, and a mind. Just like you can't disappear from there either. Don't waste your time into nonsense like that, when there's actual healing to do. It's not your fault, and not theirs either. Ignoring that will not help, what helps is to get life under your own control, and you can have that by co-operating with others. And to do that you need to communicate. But it's a long road to walk on your own, you do need a T and other support.

Don't end up in hospital, just because you decided to make money now, or worse.

I'm sorry you're feeling so overwhelmed, and that's why I wanna help. Run, hide or face it. There's three options - not with DID for real - but usually in life. At least that's the inner logic. And now you think you are running and hiding from your symptoms, but you're not. If you would be, your mind would be silent.

Taking care of yourself properly would be more than wise. When you are facing the symptoms anyway, why do you hide from help? Are you aware that's what you doing?

Help is nothing to be scared of. Things to be scared of are over now. I know you don't feel like it, and that is why you need help.

You have had DID since you were little. There's nothing new in it. Concentrate on handling it properly, and you have nothing to worry. You have nothing but improving to do. Do not run and hide from getting help, when you're already facing DID.

We can not help you, I mean us as a system, because you use language that is highly triggering to us, and it's gonna make our defender really angry very rapidly. It's not your fault, what other people have said us in our past, it has nothing to do with you. I have a reason to tell this, if I wouldn't, I'd just stayed away from a trigger. But if you do listen to the point of understanding what I say, you can actually benefit from this: Do not come here to tell you're pathetic $#%^ or anything such. That feels very manipulative way to ask for help without actually needing to ask for help.

There is a difference between a message that says "I'm sorry I'm such a pathetic $#%^" and a message that says it how it is: "I feel I'm a pathetic $#%^." I'm sorry you're feeling bad, and that's what those are, your opinions and feelings. Do not tell anyone ever they're the truth. Tell how you feel, because sharing is OK. And feelings are OK. And that is something for people to support. Do not make your feelings the truth, since they are only opinions. When you understand the difference, it will not only to be way easier for anyone to actually give you support, but also way easier for you to understand the realities of life. You feeling bad, is not you being bad. Now remember that, and never call yourself names again.

And do not tell me you're sorry either. It also feels manipulative AF, because it's another way to do the same thing. If someone has helped you and you look up to them because of that, say thank you to them. Do not say you're sorry because you're not the way you think they want you to be, since they have not wanted, you have. You do not owe an apology, no one has asked one, so do not give one. It makes you sound like our victim, and you're not. Just like we aren't yours.

I really hope you understand the differences between thank you and I'm sorry, and we hope you understand why we are telling this. It's not our business how you talk, we don't try to make you feel even worse about yourself. We are trying to make you get yourself understood correct way, and for you to understand what your problems are. Your problem is not to be lower form of life you need to be sorry for. Your problem is feeling like that. Asking for help to that problem of yours would be way more helpful than calling yourself names.

We know you do not try to be manipulative, but actually feel bad, so we are not angry at you at all. Wording things those ways is still part of our trauma. We know you just can't tell the differences, and that is part of your trauma. Neither could, or can, my mom. And those are the exact things you need therapist for, to understand your problem is not being $#%^, but feeling like $#%^.

We are truly sorry you feel that way, but that's all it is. Your feeling.

Thank you Floralie. I really appreciate you having taken the time to write out such a helpful and insightful post. Having bad feelings about myself is indeed a problem that I have, and I am not very good at wording things the way I probably should, especially when feeling overwhelmed and needing to get such feelings off my chest. I really didn't mean to be manipulative either. I won't apologize in case that comes off wrong, but I will do my best to take your advice to heart and to be more mindful in the way I communicate in the future. I respect you immensely and appreciate the thoughtfulness and consideration you've shown me. Thank you very much.