RED

I felt blue a few weeks ago. Now I feel nothign but RED, red for anger, red for embarrassment, red for blood.

I just found out something bad today, I REALLY am not having a good morning.

I just found out from a very good friend of mine that my EX ahs been telling people that I have alters... BEHIND MY OWN BACK!
There's the small matter of a valentines card that I gave him when we were still together. My alters signed it too. We partly signed it because we felt like we trusted him, and it was also a kind of peace offering of trust after an argument we had had earlier.

My friend sent me an email today saying that there was something I shoudl know about - and he wsaid my ex SHOWED HIM THE CARD!!! and openly talked about my inner secrets to him!

Luckily my close friend already knew about me, so it was no shock to him. What he was shocked about was that my ex openly told him.
He said he doesn't know if my ex has told anyone else..

I JSUT WANNA ######6 KILL MY EX RIGHT NOW!
HOW COULD HE BETRAY MY TRUST AND TELL PEOPLE THESE PRIVATE THINGS!

I'm going to the doctor's tomorrow for more stomach medication - I'm seriously considering asking him if he has any resources for a good therapist, I seriously need to talk to someone.

God I don't knwo what else to do... because of what was written on that card... it amkes me feel ill and I want to hurt someone, or something.
Harri has jsut gone to the top of our bulding we work in and stood outside looking down at the far ground for about a half hour. Someone came and asked if she was okay, and she said yes. She wasn't seriously thinking of jumping, I think...

Goddamit!
THAT ######6 CARD!

HE NEEDS TO ######6 DIE!

gawwd


Sorry for the long post...

Harri -

I'm really sorry that you're facing this right now. You must be so afraid of what will happen should this information come out. I wish I could give you a hug right now and comfort you.

Was it a bad break up? If not, could you talk to him? I know you're angry, but just suppose that your friend (who apparently is a good one) is the only one he shared this information with, and that he did so out of concern, instead of a negative purpose. Either way it would help your peace of mind to know who knows and then you could move forward with "damage control."

Tina

this is exactly what i went through a few months ago. the roomate that found out, made up a story that i pulled a gun on him and lied to the police, and then went to my parents and told them about how im multiple. then went shouting it on the god damn rooftops. the same day i came home to find the appt totally cleaned out *except my stuff in my room* and i've never seen him since. though his poisonous lies about the gun, and him telling everyone about my multiple left everyone uncertain of me. so many friends just left me, for the first time in a very long time i was alone and having thoughts of the blade again.
it all finally blew over after 3 panic attacks, and setting things straight with as many people as possible. its a huge test of ones inner strength.


harri i hope to god you werent thinking of jumping, i know i barely even know you and you are a world away but you have made so much of a difference in my life over the past week or so. you mean even so much more to the others here.

im sorry that you've been betrayed too. just be strong and do what you can to set things right, find those that he's told and do your best to straighten it out. and i know this sounds dumb.....but find him and without anger tell him how this is something you only tell people you trust, you trusted him and told him, then he went out and started sharing it with people and that it really hurts you. let him know of the pain it has and is causing, once you've gotten that out of the way i'd say call him a chicken $#%^ bastard that takes pleasure in ruining other peoples lives.

but your british right? so that would be like..... tell that crumpeting wanker to shag off, and call him a limp wristed nancy while your at it!

Okay, so if I ever find myself in merry ol' England, I already have someone on my "to beat the $#%^ out of" list. Excellent.

Hey, you, girly, none of this suicide nonsense. That's the pussy way out. You're stronger than that. I know you are. And so what if people know? If they're really your friends, they already kinda knew, if not, woopdeedoo. My best friend didn't care when I told him. That's a real friend.

That goes for you too, Johnny-boy. If someone won't be friends with you cuz of some #######4 some little pansy-ass fairy said, they're not really your friends. And if ###$ really wants to meet a homicidal multiple, I can drop him a visit .

Harri,

I am sorry someone betrayed your trust.

Even though you should have your choice in who knows and who doesnt know....it does not happen that way.

If anyone says something to you, tell them to bugger off.

He will get his. Please be proud of what a cool person you are.
And be glad that you did find out what he had done. Now you know, I dont often say violence is the answer, but someone like him need kicked in the head.

harmony.
red

the sound of an aluminum baseball bat against a person's body is really quite musical harri.

same goes for the crowbar, which might i add. the crow is the most useful variety in the bar family.

Thanks guys,

Looking back on my entry I think we overreacted a leetle leetle bit. Although we WERE pretty strung up about it at the time!
Hehe, don't worry, Harri wasn't thinking of jumping. (I'm really touched by your concern... *hugs all* )
We let Vincent out to draw and he drew a pretty picture of her, all calm now (oh, and I drew Seth too, since he's kinda like my twin nyaha!)

Anywayss I took your advice, Tina, and actually contacted my ex.. We didn't antagonise him though (although part of me REALLY wanted to!) It was quite a bad breakup, true, but whenever he talks to me now he is being really nice, almost as though he is guilty... (guilty, really? him? no way! well one can hope!)
So everything is sorted now. He's thrown out the card.
And I don't think we'll ever be talking again in future!
But Thank Thah Lawrd it didn't end on an angry angry argument.. I really hate when that happens!

Gawwd this whole thing is such a fiasco!

But yes, if people are genuine, they won't care if I'm one of many personas. My current bf, who I have recently given my alter list to (and he was a little bit overwhelmed at first which made me panic big-time!) called me when he heard and said he wouldn't have fallen in love with me if I wasn't all the people I am. And my mother noticed something was wrong the instant I got home and she hugged me for ages... I haven't been that close to her before this year began... it's really nice!

Thankyou John, Jack, Mike, Frank and D, Red, Tina and all... I feel a bit more relaxed now.
So i shall go on no homicidal rages (YET.... lol! hee hee!)
I shall remember that the baseball bat must be ALUMINIUM... should I ever need it!

~Deelee

Oh yes, absolutely, wooden risks the chance of it snapping when you crack someone over the head.

John, I'm liking you more and more, ha ha ha, seriously, way to beat me to the punch of "ye ol' baseball bat". I thought about it, and chose not to for some reason.

Hahaha, the more I think about it, the more this conversation is making me think of Paranoia Agent!

Harri wrote:Hahaha, the more I think about it, the more this conversation is making me think of Paranoia Agent!

... so you want me to roll up on roller blades and crack your ex over the head with a golden bat?