Could Coffee/Caffeine be my Kyrptonite?

*** Possible Trigger warning - (Anger and Confusion)***

Hello everyone, I've been realizing that I have had a bad connection with things such as sweets and caffeine with yesterday being the worst. Whenever I have a lot of sugar I usually get hyper-active and everything can be blissful for a few moments and feel balanced. It's hard to calm down, but I sometimes switch without knowing and can act really out of character. I am always in some way in control and I don't black out, but I still succumb to out bursts and doing things I don't mean to.

Caffeine on the other hand is a lot worse. I become so "evil" or I become similar to what I am on sweets which isn't always bad to be honest. Yesterday I had the coffee I usually would get, a frozen drink with cookies and cream with the addition of caramel on top and inside of it. I was good for a while and one of my alters was able to come out and enjoy their selves, but then an hour or two went by and everything went bad.

The best way I describe is that my memories, feelings, and my body felt out of control. I can feel my memories and feelings sort of morph or contort into something that wasn't real. I always praise my best friend in being there for me because he knows what I am going through and we love each other very much, but all I could see in my head was him laughing at me. I could feel the anger swelling up and the alter that usually has problems with emotions wouldn't let me gain control. He wanted to hurt everyone because he knew I was hurt. The more sad I felt the more he would get. He hated everyone and everything and eventually he wanted to go away. He wanted us to not exist.

I was just wondering if it is true, that caffeine can actually have this kind of effect on someone with D.I.D. I don't understand how my emotions/memories could feel so altered though I suppose caffeine does have that kind of effect on emotions?

Hi NathanRo,

Just a wild guess; maybe because caffeïne (and sugar) does the same with blood pressure and such as stress? So the adrenaline maybe feels te same to you, as a stressful situation that causes dissociation?

Efragment wrote:Hi NathanRo,

Just a wild guess; maybe because caffeïne (and sugar) does the same with blood pressure and such as stress? So the adrenaline maybe feels te same to you, as a stressful situation that causes dissociation?

It would make sense, whenever I am alone and left to "Think" under the influence of caffeine, sometimes sugar, I get stressed. I guess it sort of over loaded big time yesterday. I've experienced dissociation, but could never know when it happens. I don't really fully understand what it is, but all I know is that I need to stay away from caffeine for a while

Sugar and caffeine are exciting to the brain. To keep it simple, it has an effect with the way our neurons share messages and informations.
That's why too much sugar and caffeine aren't good for sleeping, but it has other effects, like on the blood pressure and all. So with that said, it wouldn't surprised me if it could trigger alters or flashback, etc.

I don't eat that much sugar and I don't drink coffee because I've already enough sleep issues, but before I knew about dissociation and my system, I've tried alcohol and I can tell you I had the same high/low phases.
The "high /feeling good" phase is the usual effect of the substance, and I've got two theory about the "low/feeling bad" phase : it's triggered when the body start to eliminate the substance, it upset the brain ; sugar, caffeine and alcohol can trigger the reward system, maybe it can also trigger a "punishment reaction" for some dissociative people.

Dwelt wrote:The "high /feeling good" phase is the usual effect of the substance, and I've got two theory about the "low/feeling bad" phase : it's triggered when the body start to eliminate the substance, it upset the brain ; sugar, caffeine and alcohol can trigger the reward system, maybe it can also trigger a "punishment reaction" for some dissociative people.

That actually sounds close to what happens, what do you mean by punishment reaction?

Maybe "punishment reaction" wasn't really the right words. Now I think about it, it's more an anticipation for an eventual punishment. Like "everything is good, that means something bad will happen".
For some system, it will be an alter, for others, it will be just the conscious/unconscious fear of punishment (or both).

In our system, we have both, and if we're used to ignore the fear of punishment or the fear of an "imminent catastrophe", Claude is harder to ignore...

He's here to make sure sure no one else than him depreciate us, which mean we have to behave, not be too much happy or proud, and we can't drag attention upon ourselves. And if an outside person try to depreciate and harm us, they better be perfect themselves...
So when one of us do something out of the routine, or start take decisions like the adult we're supposed to be, it triggers Claude, who's react by saying mean things to us, to make us feel really bad and/or anxious, and try to be sure that we won't do it again.

Last time it happened, it was because we're going to buy a kitten, and all the system is really, really happy about it.
But when the breeder sended us the first pictures of the newborn kittens, and we realised this was really real, the anxiety start to kick in. It was like "everything is fine, everything works like it's supposed to be, why is it fine like that ?" and then Claude jumped on the occasion. He told me how bad I was with the cat I had when I was a child, bringing back all the mistakes I've made, mocking me about it, etc. just like my father would do.
He stopped when Alexis and I gathered to say to him we're not gonna listen to what he said, because that cat makes us happy, we deserve it, and no one is gonna take that happiness away from us.
But if an outside people try, Claude will be free to defend the system with his own ways (that's the part which made him stop, now he waits for someone to say something against the idea of us having a cat ).

Before that, it was when flower-shop's boss where we work told me/us she trust me/us enough to rule the shop without her. We all enjoy working here, so we were really really happy and proud to hear that... then Claude started to made us having deprecating thoughts about ourselves.

I didn't drink since I know about my system, but knowing how it works, I'm sure the deprecating thoughts that came after the "high" phase were from Claude.

I can tell you that sugar sends my son into a level of hell....You could be very drug sensitive I know I am as well as my son. My son will start to pass out and go into seizures from just 5 mg of lexapro. Caffeine is a drug and yes it could set you off.....If I have soda the caffeine and sugar in it will make me very sick and I get lightheaded, sweat, start to want to throw up....So never discount how little things can affect your body.