Dating/Marriage/ Children and DID?

Lets talk about it. Lol

I go threw so much and feel like a burden but I still want romance.

Our ex boyfriend lasted two years. He could mainly tell if it was me or my alter. He was nice, but gamed a lot on the computer. So he wasn't very attentive to our needs. He would expect me to ask him to go anywhere, which is kinda not the point of a relationship. Anyway when it came down to it, it wasn't his lack of understanding us that ruined the relationship. I it was just his lacking of taking initiatives and making the relationship more than a one way thing. As was his need to borrow money all the time, but that was why we let him leave living with us.

panther99 wrote:Our ex boyfriend lasted two years. He could mainly tell if it was me or my alter. He was nice, but gamed a lot on the computer. So he wasn't very attentive to our needs. He would expect me to ask him to go anywhere, which is kinda not the point of a relationship. Anyway when it came down to it, it wasn't his lack of understanding us that ruined the relationship. I it was just his lacking of taking initiatives and making the relationship more than a one way thing. As was his need to borrow money all the time, but that was why we let him leave living with us.

Thanks for the reply!

Yeah my break up was in ...i think August wasnt due to DID either. Just long distance taking its toll. I never told my ex about DID because I didnt know about it until december lol


You do need someone attentive and caring. Thats important.


How long did it take for you to tell him? I feel like id be open to telling omeone after it becomes clear the relationship will become long term .

I actually told him from the beginning, before we started dating. He was my first boyfriend in high school. And he contacted me, we talked for hours getting to know each other again. He was accepting that I had DID, and watched a few documentaries on it. To understand better. He and my alter could never really get along well. But things turn out for reasons.

WeAreOne420 wrote:I feel like id be open to telling omeone after it becomes clear the relationship will become long term .

To me, that would be way too late. Think how the other person feels, receiving a disclosure of this kind of information from you in the "11th hour". I would feel deceived and betrayed. I would wonder what else you are waiting to disclose.

All the people close to me know about my system, that means two friends and my close family minus my little brother, because he lives with our father and I don't want him to know that about me, and I know I can't trust my brother to keep the secret, he's too easy to manipulate.
We aren't stable enough as a whole to hide that on a daily basis, even when I wasn't aware of the others, my mom often said things like "you look like a different person" or "you change your mind as fast as you change your clothes, why can't you be constant ?".
So when someone start to be a really good friend, we try to bring the subject on the table. It's scary as hell, but I can't imagine being in a strong relationship and hiding my system. It's not fair for my system and also for the person, either a close friend or a partner.

I feel like id be open to telling omeone after it becomes clear the relationship will become long term

Yikes. Please reconsider that
Being with someone with DID is a big deal and people have the right to be informed from the beginning. A relationship that has begun with deception and hiding is doomed anyway. Relationships are about love and leaving it until the person has committed is not a loving thing to do. I do understand why you said that though, I get it. It's important to be real about what DID would mean for a loved one, though.

So when is the right time? First date? Third date? When it becomes "serious" (i.e. that having sex is likely) ?

We have decided that we are not suited to having intimate relationships. But "enquiring minds want to know."

MDs

GraceLilly wrote:

I feel like id be open to telling omeone after it becomes clear the relationship will become long term

Yikes. Please reconsider that
Being with someone with DID is a big deal and people have the right to be informed from the beginning. A relationship that has begun with deception and hiding is doomed anyway. Relationships are about love and leaving it until the person has committed is not a loving thing to do. I do understand why you said that though, I get it. It's important to be real about what DID would mean for a loved one, though.

Youre right. I think I misspoke. I should have said I'll open up to someone I want to have a relationship with.

I just found out about my DID in december so im still a virgin basically lol im still trying to figure this stuff out.
You know im so new to this i forgot that DID is just like anything. You want the person youre with to want ALL of you and accept all if you.

All.


My did aint going anywhere,I dont believe lol. So I need to realize that and if someone cant deal with all of this and doesnt want to or doesnt accept ALL of me...eff em!


I used to have that attitude about my other "flaws" or issues and hang ups. Idky it didn't fully occur to me that DID is the same.
I woudnt want to spring this on anyone at the end of the game.

But I also dont want to tell everyone I meet on the first date either. Dont wanna go chase anyone away. I guess im trying to protect myself from people wholl think I'm crazy and not get it. But if they feel that strongly from the start...they might not be compatible with me in the first place .


That ks you guys!

I actually feel empowered. Never "came out' to a date before...I just might today .

Una+ wrote:

WeAreOne420 wrote:I feel like id be open to telling omeone after it becomes clear the relationship will become long term .

To me, that would be way too late. Think how the other person feels, receiving a disclosure of this kind of information from you in the "11th hour". I would feel deceived and betrayed. I would wonder what else you are waiting to disclose.

Yeah,after I went back nd read it i realized what it sounded like and it wasnt what I meant. (Check reply above).


I'm another alt whos deaking with an issue. Some of us are open to love no matter what. I am but im sorta on the die alone pity party train that I dont want to be on and will be getting off of soon. Lol

But i wll say i feel guilty for wanting to be loved. I feel like im an emotional burden...cause sometimes I can be. And it hurts me deeply knowing that ill be that to someone Im dating.

I guess im having a hard time allowing someone to love all of me because I feel hyper reponsible . I want to protect everyone from this and not doing so made me feel like a bad person who doesnt take this thing seriously.

But my T told me that I try taking responsibility and accountability for other peoples actions. If someone knows about my did and accepts me...they made that choice. And for the longest I still wanted to rejecr that person because I felt they may be biting off more than they can chew and would eventually leave. I guess I wanted to reject them.before they reject me. And tryong to "save" them from this.


I guess my pain with DID makes me feel everyone will feel the same about it as I do.


Id love to let someone in. I just feel like I need to try and stop saving everyone.


And im nit so sure wth to do with the knowlege that I feel like I have to save people from me.

That's not a healthy way to feel or to start out a relationship. Its an issue thats completed out of character and only just now started due to me finding out about my DID in december. Its all so new. My life changed overnight . guess im still catching up to the changes.

I'm scared of being an emtional burden. Afraid of being alone just because of mental illnesses. I dont want to feel like the scum of thw earth. I think my mom makes me feel that way about my DID. Projecting our issues onto others maybe.


Glad I asked this question. All of this is so new to me...I need to sort this out before dating again.
Funny,before all of this I felt like I was on top of my ish and now I feel like I need to keep asking questions and figuring stuff out to be back on top. Its empowering but its frustrating. Like taking a step back wjen in reality its a giant leap forward.