Most of my long-term friends seem to also have parts...

This came up in another thread and is something I've been finding to be kind of weird and amazing. Once I realized that I don't just use depersonalization and derealization to cope but actually have all these people in here, I now have a new level of awareness--not only about myself--but about outside people in my life.

(Brief pause now while I spend a little time being upset at myself for thinking that only people with florid MPD/DID had actual alters and that no one else could--I'm so sorry I avoided keeping up with the growing knowledge about dissociative disorders)

Ok, back to the topic. I'm much more attuned to all of this than I used to be, and I've spoken to three friends in the past several months who also clearly have dissociated parts (one more obviously, and two in whom it's more subtle). These are people that I have made a real effort to stay in touch with, over decades and distance, because I feel so connected to them. While I've known that I always seem to get along with and have more in common with people who had difficult childhoods or have been depressed, I didn't realize this extra piece.

With the first friend that I told, someone that I only see once a year or so, it felt like we each had parts that had already known about all this and knew about each other, and were kind of amused at how clueless we'd been. It was a strange experience, and I was more aware than usual of how this friend can contradict herself by the time she gets from the beginning to the end of recounting how she felt about something that happened.

Anyway, I was just wondering if other people have had a similar experience--realizing what's happening with you, and then starting to notice that it's something you have in common with people that you really connect with. (I'm sure that several close relatives of mine also have this going on, but I don't have much contact with them anymore--I can "connect" with them, but really don't want to...).

the Gang

Hi !

All of my friends have Depersonnalisation/derealisation, and my best friend was also a multiple (they've intergrated around December).

I think that one of my co-worker at the university was dissociative, maybe with parts. He was even more forgetfull than me, and sometimes looked like he has just poped up in the talk, like "oh, it's time to work ?" and it could leaded to this kind of talk :
"Okay, what if we did that ?"
"Well... we already said it wasn't a good idea ten minutes ago..."
"And what about that ?"
"We talked about it the last time we gathered. Too complicated. But we came agree about doing this and that, so we're not late at all for the deadline"
"Oh really ? That's wonderfull !"
etc.
He had everything to trigger my "warning alarm", but something about him wasn't "here" enough to make me feel insecure. I liked him just for that Grown up men I can be around without feeling unsafe are rare.

But I'm not surprised to be attract by dissociative people. All my family have dissociation to some degree (even if I'm the most dissociative one), so it's something I know and recognize by instinct, and people tend to be attract by familiar things.

No for us it was mostly quotes and I'll telling ur family and it will be stuck in their dialouge too. My littles that are hard to get too said oh they wanna know how society and family shaped our under 15 thought processes......I begin to callin them DID and figuring out he inner workings as I got them to open up....My external social circles....

It's just sort of struck me that our best friend might have parts... possibly OSDD.

Last week over dinner we were talking about what it felt like when we have depersonalization / derealization symptoms, and she said she had that, and described derealization stuff very exactly. She said she's always had stuff like that happen.

This morning I was going over some old emails looking for something, and came across one from before I was diagnosed with DID but I was telling her what it was like to talk with the different parts, and she responded telling of a bunch of different parts of herself she talks with. Hers don't have different names, and she feels they are all part of herself, but she said they can argue with her, tell her jokes, make her laugh, tell her new things about herself, or about the world, etc.

And I realize, there have been times in the past that her... I don't want to say personality, but her behavior/attitude has been different. When she's behaved 'out of character'. Like enough to wonder what's up with her.

OTOH she has no amnesia for past or present, none of the 'coming to' experiences, says she's never like found stuff she can't remember buying, or stuff she can't remember writing. She's journaled for 15 or 20 years and never mentioned different handwriting etc.

And she does not seem to have any "distress or impairment" from this stuff, so I guess it's not a 'disorder' when there's nothing wrong.

I have not said anything to her about this, well when we were talking about derealization we jokingly asked if she had a dissociative disorder, and jokingly suggested she take the DES and SDQ20 online.

It just was a sort of shock this morning for me to wonder suddenly if my best friend - whom I sort of use as a yardstick of 'normal' to compare myself against - might actually have some amount of dissociative parts as well. I don't know that I should say anything though.

-Violet (1)

VioletFlux wrote:Hers don't have different names, and she feels they are all part of herself, but she said they can argue with her, tell her jokes, make her laugh, tell her new things about herself, or about the world, etc...

She's journaled for 15 or 20 years and never mentioned different handwriting etc.

So interesting. There is obviously a whole spectrum of dissociation, and unless it really causes someone distress, they don't seek out help. When I asked my husband if he ever felt like he had other people in his head, he told me about an inside guy that he remembered talking to in high school and college. This part had a name, and was someone he would talk to about relationships, etc, as he went through school. Me: "Why didn't you ever tell me about this before?" Him: "You never asked."

For what it's worth, I never noticed different handwriting until I was open to seeing it. The letters are all formed the same way, but size and spacing are different, and the use of language is different. Also, one part has trouble with his lower case d's and b's, but when that would happen, I just thought I was tired.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:So interesting. There is obviously a whole spectrum of dissociation, and unless it really causes someone distress, they don't seek out help. When I asked my husband if he ever felt like he had other people in his head, he told me about an inside guy that he remembered talking to in high school and college. This part had a name, and was someone he would talk to about relationships, etc, as he went through school. Me: "Why didn't you ever tell me about this before?" Him: "You never asked."

For what it's worth, I never noticed different handwriting until I was open to seeing it. The letters are all formed the same way, but size and spacing are different, and the use of language is different. Also, one part has trouble with his lower case d's and b's, but when that would happen, I just thought I was tired.

Lol @ "You never asked."

It is really interesting though. Like, if what my friend experiences is the same thing as dissociative parts, it's something she's been aware of for most of her life, and it's never bothered her. She's just accepted it and used it as a resource. Whereas our previous host denied it and fought it and ignored it as hard as she could till she finally melted down or burned out and disappeared.

Like you said, it's a spectrum, I guess.

I've looked at our handwriting and yeah there are similarities like the basic shapes. But mine tend to be smaller and messier and more 'scratchy', V2's tend to be bigger and rounder, 'softer' or whater. When they're right next to each other it's a huge difference.

Our previous host mostly didn't notice changes in her writing, but I remember last year she looked in an old journal and was really freaked out because the writing did change, the entries got 'crazy', and she couldn't remember writing any of it. I remember her thinking it was like reading a stranger's diary as they went crazy, but knowing it was her, and she was super scared that she was going to 'go crazy' again.

-Violet (1)

Hiyas

This is a good topic and one that is starting to become more understood as Functional MRI's and other methods as well as Neurology discover more about the human mind and it's inner workings in a scientific way.

( I just deleted an epic post (Yet again))

*grounding because I am so triggered* (Par for the course, I have been dumped by experienced Trauma Therapists because they said "Anything Internally and Externally can trigger me". lol)

Ok am more present again

From my research and study, I understand it as Everyone has "parts" and we are all born with I think 5 basic ones? A person's Identity and personality is made up of these 5 basic parts as well as others that may develop over time. And that is considered "Healthy" and "Normal". There is nothing "Dissociative" about having "Parts" in the common sense.

That cute Animated movie by Pixar "Inside Out" is based upon this concept and in that case, upon a particular form of Therapy called "Internal Family Systems" (IFS). Neurology is coming to that conclusion and the leading Experts on Complex Trauma are really starting to explore it.

If you are somehow able to attend this Spring's...

"4-Day: 29th Annual International Trauma Conference: Psychological Trauma: Neuroscience, Identity and the Transformation of the Self"

...in Boston, like I will be attending for the full 4 days again, they will be going into great detail on this very subject.

Now as far as the "Dissociative" aspect of "Parts" come into the picture is what I think lies in the very definition of the term "dissociation" in it's self.

I'm going to use the The ISSTD use of the term since I trust them most...

"What is dissociation?

Dissociation is a word that is used to describe the disconnection or lack of connection between things usually associated with each other. Dissociated experiences are not integrated into the usual sense of self, resulting in discontinuities in conscious awareness (Anderson & Alexander, 1996; Frey, 2001; International Society for the Study of Dissociation, 2002; Maldonado, Butler, & Spiegel, 2002; Pascuzzi & Weber, 1997; Rauschenberger & Lynn, 1995; Simeon et al., 2001; Spiegel & Cardeña, 1991; Steinberg et al., 1990, 1993). In severe forms of dissociation, disconnection occurs in the usually integrated functions of consciousness, memory, identity, or perception. For example, someone may think about an event that was tremendously upsetting yet have no feelings about it. Clinically, this is termed emotional numbing, one of the hallmarks of post-traumatic stress disorder. Dissociation is a psychological process commonly found in persons seeking mental health treatment (Maldonado et al., 2002)."

Again ...
"Dissociation is a word that is used to describe the disconnection or lack of connection between things usually associated with each other."

"Dissociated experiences are not integrated into the usual sense of self, resulting in discontinuities in conscious awareness".

and

"In severe forms of dissociation, disconnection occurs in the usually integrated functions of consciousness, memory, identity, or perception."

I view it as a disconnect of "Parts" in other words... States of Consciousness, the body, memory, etc
"the usual sense of self", caused by severe and early childhood traumas.

Now back to this "parts" thang in the sense we are discussing it. When "Singlets" use the term "parts' they may not even be aware of it and is no big deal for they are referring to a "part" of them. But it's still an integrated and connected 'part" of them. It's always still just a part of the whole system and even though may not want to go to work or loves puppies or wants that piece of chocolate cake even though they are on a diet, it is still a part of the whole and they know that, even if only subconsciously.

Dissociation is the "Dis-Connect" or "Dis-Association" between our parts (my rough way of understanding and describing it). I have so many parts that feel as if they are stand alone and have very little if any connection to the whole system. In my case caused by trauma after trauma since I can remember. These "parts" of me got fractured and split off from a developing system since birth. Some are not even aware there are other "parts, and if they do, still don't understand that they are all just parts of a whole organism. It's like my left hand is all by it's self and is unaware that there is a right hand that is also an extension of the whole system that I call "Me". They basically grew up and developed independently from one another, instead of being an integrated whole.

I'm sure I've yet again written far more than most people wish to read all at once, so I'll try to end it soon. ugg

For myself by studying Neurology and complex Trauma and all this stuff, It's very comforting to me to learn that Everyone also has parts and that's it's very healthy and important that we all do. We don't have a monopoly on having "Parts" as is often or used to be told to us. Having parts of the personality with their own tastes and interests is natural. We are Not Freaks because we do!

There is half the battle won, the way I see it.

Oh and if you are able or if you think your T can attend in Boston this late May/early June...

29th Annual International Trauma Conference: Psychological Trauma: Neuroscience, Identity and the Transformation of the Self

I wore a suit and tie last year because I wanted to blend in with my heroes and other "Professionals" but was wearing Superman and Flash "Underoos" for men underneath the entire time! ( "Lil' One" insisted).

I met some really wonderful people in what we called the "Mal-Adaptive Coping Strategy Section" aka Smoking Section.

Lumpy