Treatment options / do you need a specialist T?

Reading this thread made a thought come that sounds like a teenage part "omg their all up each others assets, their own asses and I can't deal"

My thought is that this is a very supportive thread, good information exchange and shows a hope for progress.

I think reading it has highlighted one of my inner conflicts of going to therapy so thanks for you guys sharing like this.

I hope it's ok to share this here... I think I'll add a bit on my journey though as it seems appropriate, sorry for any intrusion.

Sarah

To me it sounds like even if she was present, there was a lot of mis-attunement, but maybe you're only highlighting the ruptures and misunderstandings, and the rest of the session was fine?

For us, that would have been a disaster of a session, with a lot of upsets and misunderstandings to clear up , but I'm glad that there were positives for you and that setting up a physical representation of the system was a good experience, and that it felt like the T was present.

Hm, no, I think this ais a pretty accurate depiction? Except maybe that at the beginning i asked her if she had anything to eat for me and she did. So that made some littles feel safe (they are often worried about stuff like that).

The ruptures... well, I think it is tolerable from afar. It was a lot this time, though. Many different ones. We also haven't really found a way to repair things with her. Her version of repair doesn't seem to include thinking about a way things could go differently in the future. That is upsetting to us, but we've also already discussed our preference a couple of times to no avail. So maybe there is some kind of lesson in it or thing she is trying to do.

Anyway, I don't feel particularly hopeful about trying to repair things now, so I will probably wait until next time (in two weeks). If it still seems important by then, I may try again.

We're practising a lot with trying to see the good in things. L is specialized in seeing danger, so it is his task now to spot (and feel) the good things. He calls it the skill of the warm heart. (Come to think of it, it almost sounds like "the skill of the fireheart" ).

Sarandipity, English is not my first language, so i am not sure what you mean with "omg their all up each others assets, their own asses and I can't deal". But yes, it is okay to comment.

I don't know if this is the place to put it, but I've been thinking more about what the T said about responsibility.

I think that word is a trigger for us and that is why there is a lot of black-and-white thinking involved. If I acknowledge that yes, I take responsibility for the others now, it automatically turns it into a "before and after" in my head. It means that at some point I DIDN'T take responsibility.

Not taking responsibility is tied to a feeling of being extremely bad. (Shame). It is tied to a context of powerlessness. Constantly being blamed for things I had very little control over.

I think it is similar to parts-communication. I don't think you can say someone is "bad" at that or "good" at that (e.g. "taking responsibility" for caring about them). It is about capacity and it actually being POSSIBLE to do that. It takes a lot of hard work to make it possible in the first place. It is not simply a "choice" like 'oh, I'll be responsible from now on'. It takes a lot to even realize that what you do matters for the others inside. That is the nature of dissociation!!!! The divisions and lack of realizations are literally the point!

I think my feeling about this is tied to fear that belongs in the past. The fear of not being seen as I am. Because I don't want to hurt anyone and I try my hardest - but that is rarely how people interpreted me. If you say I'm responsible now, it's almost as if I am "good" now - and "bad" before.

We will be taking a break from the forum.
We haven't had energy to engage much anyway, but I think we'll try not reading for a while as well. Somehow it doesn't feel like a great fit anymore for where we're at in recovery. Thanking you all for your contributions and wise words over the years!! <3

We'll miss you! We hope for our sake that it won't be a long break. It seems like many of the consistent posters of the last couple of years are missing or taking breaks, and it makes us sad.

But of course everyone has to do what's best for them. I hope things continue to progress for you!

We'll miss you too, fireheart. Wishing you the best.

MDs