Lonliness

How can I be lonely? I always have company... right?

I feel lonely at the moment and it's depressing me. My husband and youngest daughter are out on church visitation... my oldest daughter is at play practice, and my middle daughter is playing video games in the family room.

How can I feel lonely with these voices in my head... and why don't I always feel lonely in this situation... why is it sometimes I'm okay with being alone... and other times I'm not.

Today is my anniversary... well, it was. I'm now divorced from the man that it was my anniversary with. His actions created me (Tina). So although I've been divorced now for 9 years, I was married to him for 11, and that (plus 2 years of dating him) had been my life existance. He's currently facing trial for possession of child pornography. I can't stand to look at him... the pain he's caused myself and our daughters turns my stomach... and yet... it's my anniversary and I feel lonely.

I wish my husband were home. I wouldn't tell him the significance of the day, but it would be nice to have him here.

diamond is wanting to act out. She's wanting to seek someone out on the internet or visit sites that are morally wrong for me to go to. If she were to do that it would hurt him so I'm having to keep her tightly under wraps at the moment.

Tina

just have diamond sit tight for a while, he will be back soon enough and all will be well. besides what is an anniversary? its just a point in time based off a flawed measurement of time, so what if X ammount of years ago when the earth was in this exact position around the sun? its good to document, and to remember the past, all we can do with our past is learn from it. we cant change it, and it hurts us all to dwell on it, the best thing to do from the past is learn from ours, and others mistakes and choices.

lonliness can be there even if your with company, its a feeling that is described as not having anyone else around but doesnt mean that it has to be no one else around.

i dont know if you are into video games or not but maybe you should go out to the family room with your daughter and play a game or two with her, maybe just sit and chat. Keep things in perspective and it'll all be ok