Where to start- tw abuse

I'm in an abusive relationship. My Littles live him like a dad. He is completely living to them. More so to them them his own children.

He takes advantage of the one who is able to take pain. He has learned she is suggestive. Masochistic. He says he never does anything without permission but I'm tired of finding bruises.

When I try to leave everyone else wants him. Goes back to him. Loves his son too.

I recently got a concussion. Everything is worse. No control. I have teen kids and they tell me my alters are coming out to them. I'm so lost.

Wow, that's a status change! I am so sorry. How long has this been going on? Last we knew, you were the singleton mom of a teen with DID. That's what your sig still says.

Yes. 5 years ago I was here posting because my son had so many. I didn't want to post about my own because I felt others would feel betrayed as he did. But I didn't know about my own until after I was divorced and living alone. And then I found records and accounts in other names dating back before my son's diagnosis. Despite my knowledge of working with it with him, I've been in denial for some time. It's not like his at all.

He sometimes wonders if this is the fake world because he can go inside his mind and everything is very real. I don't know anything about anyone. I can sense strong emotions but I'm not aware of them when they're out. I don't go anywhere inside my mind when I'm not present.

I have accepted all of him and his but have struggled to be ok with my own trying to be individuals. I feel like a hypocrite. I just want integration. To be stable and reliable.

It hurts so much to realize when he would talk about a symbolic version of me in his world having 3 faces...is because I have. To know all these arguments I got into over my husband or boss denying conversations were my fault. I have one Little that kept stealing rocks from my workplace landscaping.

I've just tried to deal for past few years but I'm tired. I'm struggling with suicidal ideation. I feel my kids would be better off with someone else raising them. I'm losing my ability to work as one gets more brazen about talking back. I have friends who feel I'm possessed. I'm just tired.
Em

Wow! That's a lot going on. Sorry it hurts so much. Is there an alter that can talk to the others about what's going on? Somebody older like a teen or somebody? A Protector maybe? For all our kids that put up with bad people there are Protectors like Colin who say 'WTF!! I'm stopping this cr*p!' We stopped pushing him so far away so he could help us.

Good luck. Be someplace safe.

Iain

Just as life starts a little of every where so you all. When safe share what happens and who protects who then also why