Poem- I am so Sick

I am so sick, sick of living, sick of not remembering of what I have done or said, sick of keeping secrets, sick of the pain I am carrying...

I am so sick, sick from not feeling emotions, sick of living a complex and sad life, sick of knowing I will never be happy or whole...

I am so sick, sick in the head, sick of everything...

I am so sick, sick of being sick...

I am so sick.

Yeah things can definitely wear us down. You are not the only one that feels like this sometimes.

WTFDIDIDO wrote:sick of knowing I will never be happy or whole...

I don't think that's something you can know for sure unless you plan to never work on things... If you do try to work on things, you can't definitively know it will never help you be happy or whole.

WTFDIDIDO wrote:sick of being sick

Do you regard DID as being sick? or are you speaking about something else?

Try not to self injure, it will be okay.

contentbrace wrote:Try not to self injure, it will be okay.

Thank you, though I do not self injury but also it will not be ok. i self medicate a lot which is still harmful but also out of my control

-- Tue Feb 20, 2018 6:17 pm --

salted lipstick wrote:Yeah things can definitely wear us down. You are not the only one that feels like this sometimes.

WTFDIDIDO wrote:sick of knowing I will never be happy or whole...

I don't think that's something you can know for sure unless you plan to never work on things... If you do try to work on things, you can't definitively know it will never help you be happy or whole.

WTFDIDIDO wrote:sick of being sick

Do you regard DID as being sick? or are you speaking about something else?

To answer the 1st patt, indeed I do know because with my old T I can to the conclusion I cannot stop using kush/booze and I cannot tell my family as I do not want to break them (in a wierd way I do it cause I love them and a part of me takes over and I jave realized I cannot stop myself from quitting for good...ever)

So yea as long as they dont know all of me no matter how much work I do it it will never be ok and if I come clean (not to mention a part of me blocks me even the few times I came close) the way it will impact them will fragment me even more.

To answer the second question, unfortunately yes I am regeting to my DID as being sick because while sometimes I don't realize this it is actually such an extreme case and times I think I am getting better suddenly I get worse. My memory and emotions are so fragmented I'm exherting tremendous energy to maintain some conconciousness but not sure how much longer I have (not even sure who I am- heck idk if it was me, or I (yes this is a name for one alt sry for conghsing you) or another part of me wrote the poem.

Dear lord I need some green. Take care thanks for checking in here