Little needs to grow up?

Lately, my therapist has been trying to convince me to let a little (Robin) do trauma therapy with her (specifically, EMDR). Robin hasn't fronted in therapy before.

It feels like a bad idea, even though rationally it might be a good idea.

T argues that it would be good because "she really needs to grow up" ... and this is what sort of irks me about it. (And, I have no idea what sort of trauma she holds). Perhaps her being a child serves some sort of purpose? Otherwise, why would that comment bring up so much resistance? Maybe she isn't ready to grow up?

What do you guys think? How would you feel if someone would say that a little in your system "really needs to grow up"?

It would bother me if my T decided my littles 'needed to grow up'. That's for them to decide, not the T, not anyone else.

Violet is right. and EMDR is not the tool to make a little grow up. nothing in this scene makes any sense.

your little needs to be conected to the present and see that today is not trauma time but 2018 and the world is all different. there is no need to grow up for that.

I think your T doesnt know what they are doing.

In our system, Littles don't have to grow up to be mature and learn things, and be responsible. They are Littles, not outside kids. They can be way more mature, and do things that a kid wouldn't be able to do.
So if a T wanted to do trauma-therapy just for them to grow up, I would ask why. To us, growing up doesn't seem like a valid reason to do trauma-therapy. I don't say trauma-therapy isn't a good idea ! just that the reason seems weird to us, there's plenty other reasons to do it, why this one ?

Maybe you should talk more about it with your T, about how it makes you feel, and ask why your T thinks it's time for her to grow up ?

The book that I bought for the littles, that is specifically about inside kids, is very clear that it's up to them whether or not to grow up--it is not a necessary part of healing. I tried to skim the isstd guidelines to see if there was anything about this in there, and didn't see anything, but I didn't spend much time.

I would seriously question your therapist's belief about this.

Also, while it's important for the trauma to be processed when you're ready, have you done EMDR before? Is your therapist experienced with it for DID? I've heard from others on here that it can be very overwhelming and destabilizing without the right preparation and experience.

Hi,

I don't think Littles should have to grow up (or Teens either!). We're working on making sure everybody gets taken care of and gets to be part of the team. Littles can be on the team without growing up. Sounds like a test to me.

Iain

Thanks for all of your responses! It's given me a lot of food for thought.

Seems like most of you agree that therapy (for littles) should be aimed at being in the present and taking care of needs. T's reasoning for wanting Robin to grow up was that it can be tough for other parts to take care of her needs, so T thought that if Robin would grow up more, she would need less. But honestly to me it feels like T favours the wishes of those parts above, you know, the needs of Robin. It's not black-and-white, of course, so T thinks that if Robin comes to sessions with her (and will do EMDR), she will get some of those needs met in therapy.

Why this would cause her to 'grow up'? T reasons that the trauma is probably holding her back, like it can with outside children. And if the trauma is 'solved', she will grow.

Some of us have done EMDR before with her, but the responses to it vary greatly between us.

My gut says that there might be another reason T wants to do EMDR with Robin, namely that she is curious about what sort of stuff she holds and thinks it may be important. I have no idea what it is, and I'm pretty sure Robin also isn't aware of most of it. To me it doesn't seem like she is struggling with trauma symptoms or at least not trauma memories. Maybe T wants to know more about it, or wants us to know, but I don't feel like I am ready. There are other parts more ready to do their trauma work, but to me it seems like T is fixated on this. Maybe she is just eager to see Robin front. I don't know, but it sure does feel like either she has no idea what she is doing or she is working with a greater plan in mind that I don't see.

We wouldn't want anyone in our system, no matter what age, treated like a lab rat.

It's your decision, not your T's.

MDs

fireheart wrote:it sure does feel like either she has no idea what she is doing or she is working with a greater plan in mind that I don't see.

Seems like you should get this question answered before you proceed!

Hi,

I think you shouldn't have to grow up to get your needs met. Littles can stay the age they are and be taken care of just fine. Your T is right that Littles can't get ALL their needs met and that's ok because that's what the system has to work out.

TW...
Just realized this is like a BIG trigger for us. Reminds us of people saying if we weren't so little and stupid we wouldn't have to be punished.
TW...

Iain