Difficulty handling good feelings

Today I've been realizing (again? I'm sure it's not the first time) how hard it is to hold on to good feelings and not let them either get turned into something bad, or send us right back into sad and upset feelings. Our T was warm and supportive and said very nice things about us on Friday--directly contradicting that "ugly and weird" feeling that we get a lot, and that I was talking about at the time, and it was totally in context and not boundary-crossing at all (I'm arguing with someone inside about this, and that's how at least one part is trying to turn this into something bad).

But, if I accept it and take in those warm, positive feelings, and try to really let them sink in, then I start thinking about my previous therapist and how things were so different (in ways that I don't really understand yet), and were SO bad for me, and that's upsetting to think about. It's like the fact that things are going well with this T just shows in contrast how bad things were with the other T, and I end up back in those awful memories, trying to figure out where that relationship went wrong.

It's just hard to stay in a place where I'm just happy and feeling good and optimistic about my relationship with my T, which is truly improving many aspects of my life. It's not making things worse like that other T did (again, telling that to someone inside, who is very worried that feeling good is just a signal that things are going to change for the worse and make me more miserable for having briefly felt better). I did manage to hold onto the good feelings for two days without negative stuff creeping in (the parts that criticize and worry were temporarily confused and thrown off by what the T said--there was a feeling of "That Does Not Compute--Please Enter Correct Data" ).

Just wondering if others experience this and if there's a way to be more open to feeling good and to accepting that it's ok to feel that way.

when we started with our current T a lot of the older T stories came up. a sad loss, but also all the mistreatment we experienced.
we realized that we didnt allow these feelings when they happened. there was no time, we needed to function. so we had to work thru them later. experience them, allow them, then find closure.
(which is not complete. it still comes up at times)
maybe this is natural. that the positive feelings remind of something else first, something you are now ready to process?

we try not to think too much when happy feelings happen. because thinking too much would make it all go away.

Hi Gangs,

Host never stayed with a T long enough to worry about all that. I think he wanted to be un-depressed and un-anxious without having to know anything too bad.

Now we're seeing a really cool T. She's actually nice and most of us like her. Some people inside hate her though. They yell at her in session and write her mean emails. But she doesn't go away.

All this is WAY harder than the disposable Ts before. I mean we actually tell her things! And she actually says we are brave and good (which always makes us cry).

Iain

birdsong87 wrote:maybe this is natural. that the positive feelings remind of something else first, something you are now ready to process?

I think you're right. I just need to take it slowly so that I don't get too upset.

birdsong87 wrote:we try not to think too much when happy feelings happen. because thinking too much would make it all go away.

That's what has been happening. We literally cannot hold onto that feeling of really liking and trusting our T and feeling good about the relationship, because we start thinking about it and head right into all the things that could go wrong or maybe already are wrong (nope, nothing is wrong right now--cut it out) and/or comparing it to the relationship with the other T, that did go wrong.

IainEtc wrote:Now we're seeing a really cool T. She's actually nice and most of us like her. Some people inside hate her though. They yell at her in session and write her mean emails. But she doesn't go away.

All this is WAY harder than the disposable Ts before.

Haha--disposable Ts. I love it! Well, count yourself lucky to at least have not been further traumatized by a T. Your T sounds really good. I just still have parts that are crushed and devastated by what happened with our old T. We jumped into a strong, trusting, positive attachment to him and thought he knew how to handle those needs. And so did he. Sigh--see how I always end up here??

P.S. It's just Gang, because it would be The Gang's All Here if our names could have apostrophes.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:P.S. It's just Gang, because it would be The Gang's All Here if our names could have apostrophes.

We heart grammar.

Back on topic: A number of people in our system have difficulty with good feelings. They keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's unfortunate, and it's something we need to work on.

Allegra and others

yeah i just noticed that today.
I was washing dishes and cooking and we were all getting along like sisters....then all of a sudden after a high five when two met a compromise on what flavor to season the whole chicken(such a simple issue made complains) hey high fived each other and...that was a major trigger. So much violence and sadness goes on...when things finally got good for a moment it really effing hurt and scared me.