Eye contact

Please skip to paragraph 4 if you want to see the point I am trying to make all the rest is part of me not knowing what's good

2:20am and I cant handle life in general but anyway I will stop right now before I go on a rant talking about everything and anything except eye contact which cleary os what the part of me wants to talk about (and i need help with it too)

Ok, I'm in in control, so essentially lately I have been tripping more than usual as a whole (dont ask me to explain please I just trip and feel really wierd dont even know who I am or who is who in general like I can't even)

Sorry, I am too scattered I need to get to the point. Eye contact! I know what I want to say but dont even know how to do so coherently and explain in a way that make sense. Let me try, so as a whole whenever I make eye contact lately I trip out internally and in order to prevent others from seeing how bad it is I will simply automaticallu feel very hallow and actually maintain eye contact tripping internarnally in a part of my head while being attentive to the person even being able to have a conveserastion (while maintaining eye contact). I know this doesnt really make sense it's just eye contact makes me trip and feel wierd (for those who are not aware I use trip very loosely aka not just when I am high but when I just dissacosiate or feel wierd which in my case is pretty kuch always). But while it is always, it is not always problematic I can be tripping 24/7 (in fact I am) but it is cases such as eye contact that make me trip to an extreme and where the problem arises. In other instance I somehow life while tripping because my ability to multitask along with my creativity is off the charts (although my memory is very poor- but this is a seprate issue)

Anyway, I know I come across in diffrent ways here and I appologies if a post like this is hard to follow or what not but if you can help me figure out why eye contact makes me so unconfortable it would be much appreciated!

Here's a thread I started about this a few weeks ago. Maybe you'll find something helpful or supportive in it:
dissociative-identity/topic202903.html

TheGangsAllHere wrote:Here's a thread I started about this a few weeks ago. Maybe you'll find something helpful or supportive in it:
dissociative-identity/topic202903.html

Thanks, I actually replied to it but it is 1 of several posts here I am planning to go back to and read through when I feel more stable and present and have enough free time to digest it

If standing near someone in a crowd, there are moments where you need to watch out of for your where with all. There is a moment or break where you can regain composure. If some is loud in the background that will turn your head a moment, of course it doesn't mean you want listen. I think some of that is for recognition of the ptsd symptoms etc. I'd also search for moments where eye contact was mentioned when trying to find your voice at the first entrance of therapy it could have been picked up on. It could be for moments where trauma was tied to some form of eye contact. I think you would have to transform those traumatic moments into an areas of strength. I'd also make sure that you understand sharing your story verses question and answer.