Need to vent TW

Ok so many have responded to my posts in the past but for the first time I need to vent as I put my head down and just completely cry at a lost for the moment.......

What happened.....Well my son is sleeping all day......I have homework set out for him, that I write out every Sunday for the week. He was in school for a while, but the class he was in triggered him over and over so we decided to best homeschool him again. Anyways I tell him homework first then he can play his Xbox. Not an unreasonable request and standard as everyday. I also explained that he has 3 hrs on his Xbox a day, after school work because he is getting very addicted to Xbox and I also went through last weeks work and discovered he was skimping on his homework to go play games. That is what was new.......

He decides he will just sleep all day because that was not fair, ok I said you are making a choice you can choose to do your homework then Xbox or if you choose not to do homework then no Xbox, choice is in his court.

My husband at leaves for 30 min to go get younger siblings, he waits until he leaves, gets up, grabs some food and takes off. He was nice enough to put dogs in cage in the back patio as he went out the back door and went over the fence.

So now husband comes home he is gone no where to be found, we do our usual check of neighborhood no locate so now have to call the police. Fire trucks, police, detectives, aviation you name it. They find him a couple of miles from the house across the golf course. Boom of course he runs and all the cops are chasing him behind peoples houses, and yep you guess it, they baker act him.

I call intake at to make sure they understand his DX I ask nurse do you know what DID is, she says No I say multiple personalities she oh yes I know what that is I am very familiar. Well I call BS nope here we go again 2-3 day stay and same old crap......

But I am just venting as what was the big crime, oh yes he was expected to do homework before Xbox. There was no arguing, I calming gave him his choice and went to work as husband stayed home. This is why I walk on egg shells all day long, this is why I want to pull my hair out......The DID I can handle it is the other stuff that has me so over it........

It was clear calculated I am flat out going to defy you and show you, and there really is no need for it........Well he clearly sees a need but I just can't seem to get through at any level now days......

ggrrrr.......Rant off.......

I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry. This sounds awful. Gentle cyber hugs if that's an ok thing for you.

I'm sorry this happened. I don't see a place where you went wrong with your expectations--I agree, there was no "big crime" that you committed! Offering virtual hugs and lots of mom-sympathy.

Children and family's shows up this morning. The call that my son is not properly supervised....OMG really my husband quick his job to stay home. We have double key locks on the doors so when he gets pissed he can't take off......He goes to youth group, he left a 13 yr old home for 30 min to go get his siblings.......He was fricken sleeping, he made a calculated choice to leave just like any other pissed of 13 yr old. So are you going to call DCF on every parent with a 13 yr old who gets pissed off and takes off..........They have NO IDEA how much we sacrifice as a family to take care of him, They have NO IDEA about mental health.

The DCF worker said he did not see a big idea in it, and will go talk to my son. So when he talks to him he will talk to a 13 yr old boy who will explain he was pissed. This is why I don't call the police for help, I am a retired cop and I know all these guys, they have no idea how much we do.....

gggrrr now I have to really treat him like a baby, well that is just going to go over wonderful with a 13 yr old that now can't even go fishing because "he needs proper supervision'. I guess no more bike rides, he can not longer stay home for any short period of time.....Talk about taking away our ability to help him become more independent and caring for himself in life. What 13 yr old wants to be with their parent 24/7 not one......

How awful! Hopefully, maybe it's a lesson for your son about consequences? He will have to gradually earn back your trust in order to be allowed to have any independence whatsoever. He needs to know that if he were to take off again and the police needed to be called to make sure he was safe, then DCF could decide to take him away. He caused this turn of events, not you. Not the lesson about independence and caring for himself that you had in mind, but still a lesson about it, in a way.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:How awful! Hopefully, maybe it's a lesson for your son about consequences? He will have to gradually earn back your trust in order to be allowed to have any independence whatsoever. He needs to know that if he were to take off again and the police needed to be called to make sure he was safe, then DCF could decide to take him away. He caused this turn of events, not you. Not the lesson about independence and caring for himself that you had in mind, but still a lesson about it, in a way.

I agree 100% he will have huge natural consequences and #1 no independence. And yes DCF in their wonderful wisdom could take him at some point if he keeps taking off. I have a call in with the lifesaver people of the PD to see if I can get him a bracelet but I am wondering how it is made so he can't take it off. It is a GPS tracker used for special needs people. Issue is how will the 13 yr old feel about it, I am thinking he will not take kindly too it as most 13 yrs kids would. But maybe I could present it to the little parts they may be more on board and the older parts tolerate it for the little parts.

Last night at 230 he went to the ER, as he was sent there by the lock down hospital, because he had so much stomach pain. IE conversion order kicked in. Hospital never called, how the hell the the ER never call the parent. The mental health hospital said they did not send anyone with so my question who was responsible for this 13 yr old in the ER???? And when I called back the mental hospital, at 430, they called at 230 I did not wake up, they said it was not documented in his chart about the conversion disorder.....

This is so fricken wrong......

Ok gets better, the hospital treats him with no parental authority.......Releases him.....The mental health Dr changes his DX with not talking to me with conduct disorder and mood disorder.......I am so sick of the incompetent BS. I ask how could he make a DX without talking to a parent. I ask if he was actively making comments of suicide or self harm the no. So release him but they will not do that because I have insurance and they will do their best to rack up as much as they can.

Just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you. I can't imagine how difficult this all is.

Menagerie wrote:Just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you. I can't imagine how difficult this all is.

Son doing better but now lost his privilege of staying home for short periods of time and going to youth group. We try our best to give him as much normalcy of what other 13 yr old can do. But unfortunately he abused that and now he we have to remove those privileges.

I am trying to get a hold of the PD with a tracker device called project lifesaver, a gps tracker, they have yet gotten back with me. I am not sure if wrist band can be cut or not. It is just difficult as he is a normal 13 yr old is so many ways but trying to explain to the police and have them understand is next to impossible.

Now I am not quite sure what to do and let him do age appropriate activities, he loves to go fishing two houses down, I can't even let him do that now. But DCF did close the case already saying there was no evidence of lack of supervision. They talked to my son he said he was mad and waited till hubby went to get the other kids and took off.

I am planning on going to a seminar second weekend in Feb in Orlando, I am hoping they can give some ideas of how to accurately explain to the police and have things in place so he can lead as much as a normal teenage life as possible. Not allowing him to go do things or be with peers is not the therapeutic path that he should be taking yet it causes further overall disruption......We are just caught between a rock and a hard place right now.

There are some old threads here about tracking devices for someone with DID. One I recall in particular: the wife was here seeking help because her husband was having recurrent dissociative fugues at night, during which he would in a very young child state leave the house and go to a neighborhood lake. She was concerned about drowning.

Unfortunately, even the "offender tracking system" ankle devices are fairly easy to defeat if worn by someone who does not want to cooperate. They aren't appropriate for runaways.

One possible resource for you: By far the best tracking device these days is a smartphone, especially if the person may not be aware of its use as a real time tracking device. If your son had a smartphone, would he be likely to carry it with him everywhere? Would he be likely to realize it reports its current location to you at any time? Many kids his age have cell phones with parental controls limiting their use and other settings allowing parents to track the phone, and it seems many of the kids are only faintly aware that their parents are tracking them. Many adults also are not aware! Tracking apps installed on a cell phone is how many married people catch their spouse in an extramarital affair.

Another possible resource: Many police departments now have a program to pre-register "at risk" persons in the community. Participating in this program gives you a head start on obtaining timely and appropriate response to future runaway incidents. These programs are especially helpful for persons at risk of entering a fugue state. The history of Hannah Upp is illustrative. Years ago she experienced a fugue that became a media sensation because it began in Manhattan and ended with a sea rescue. She then moved to the Washington DC metro area where a few years later she experienced another fugue; the local public safety agency and her employer were prepared and promptly executed a ready incident action plan. She disappeared a 3rd time in September 2017 in the Virgin Islands; as she has not been found it is unknown if this was yet another fugue or some other misadventure (abduction, accidental drowning, etc.).

An example program:
Burlington City (New Jersey) Police Department's At Risk Registration Program