Tactile input (touch) and littles

Hey,

How do you deal with littles who need things that might be weird, or difficult to do by yourself? For example, one of our littles needs to be pet and held a lot. She also loves rough-and-tumble. We used to be able to meet this need with our partner, but we have since broken up. We continue to live together as friends, and he said he can still meet those needs for her, but I feel uncomfortable about it and would like to be able to meet those needs for ourselves.

I was thinking of getting a really soft brush, so I could provide soft tactile input like that. :/

tricky. we don't let friends do that. touch is too difficult a topic.
we own a weighted blanket, mainly for one of the littles.
the weight applies something they call deep pressure touch, the same sensation as when hugged firmly. the same hormones are released. it is better than nothing and has become a great comfort.
we are all touch deprived and ask people to gift us professional massages for birthdays.

Hi,

Evan has a stuffie and he can rub it on his face. That feels like gentle touching. It's kind of tricky with other people touching us. We have a really soft blanket that we use sometimes. Colin used to do lots of sports.

Iain

Hi birdsong87 and Iain,

Thank you for your responses. Sometimes I really do need a TIGHT hug. Weighted blankets are quite expensive though, so we may have to save up a little. How do professional massages work if touch is difficult for you? I've thought about getting them, but I would be uncomfortable with almost anyone.

I wouldn't let my friends provide for the touch either, but since we were in a relationship it felt OK. We worked a lot on building trust and it took a long time.

We have a stuffie too and that helps sometimes. We used to have a cat and it was the only being in the world we hugged and loved. It helped a lot to snooze off together, but he died, and in our new situation we can't have a pet.

I like the idea of doing sports.

we practiced with the massages in a trauma clinic where they had manual therapists trained in trauma work. first time we thought we would die. the whole set up is reminding of trauma. wept for 2 hours after that. the second time was easier. we use all mindfulness tools we know and need to stay very grounded and the person doing it has to speak their educated stuff and explain everything so we always know what is going on.
we bet if we found someone safe at home and explained about trauma we would get a lot out of it.
we will go back to the trauma clinic in summer, if that works out, and practice some more. then maybe we are ready when birthday comes...
our weighted blanket was a gift. we could not afford one.
L with Annett

Hi L with Annett,

Yes, I can imagine! I'm impressed that you are working on it like that.

I had to see a Doctor the other week, and she had to feel my organs and listen to them for a moment, and it unsettled me for days afterwards. She said everything was OK, except that my heart was "pounding very loudly". Yeah. (But it's better than dissociation!)

I might have to see whether there are trauma-informed people who do massages around where I live.

Nice that you got a blanket as a gift!!

Hi,

Ok so here's how we do massage because otherwise it's just too scary.

- we keep our clothes on
- we do seated massage so it's not below the waist
- she talks to us the whole time so we know who's touching us
- we ask Colin if he's ok with it and if he says 'no' then we don't go
- we let Colin blow off steam after because he gets pretty charged up

Iain

IainEtc wrote:- we do seated massage so it's not below the waist


Iain

gosh yes! nobody was talking about below waist!!

Hi,

We helped Evan by teaching him to massage his stuffed monkey. If he tried to hit it or do bad things to it we'd say 'That's not what Miss Linda does. That's not massage.' so he could figure out what was going to happen and what wasn't. Youtube has some videos too.

Iain

IainEtc wrote:Hi,

Evan has a stuffie and he can rub it on his face. That feels like gentle touching. It's kind of tricky with other people touching us. We have a really soft blanket that we use sometimes. Colin used to do lots of sports.

Iain

Duffy is our primary comfort item and we squish him against us and on our face to feel his soft fuzziness. it is very soothing and Duffy doesn't mind if we cry.