Hello! Looking for advice and answers

Hello! I've been reading some of the posts here and doing some research on dissociation for a little while, and I was wondering if I could ask for some advice and maybe some answers?

(I'm trying to articulate my thoughts but it's really hard right now. I just feel stupid.)

Anyway, I started reading up on DID because I was diagnosed with bipolar II, but that didn't really make a whole lot of sense. Mostly I just feel like there's too much noise going on in my head. Like, some if not most people seem to have an internal monologue, and sometimes a dialogue. I seem to almost always have a dialogue, sometimes multiple dialogues or conversations with people trying to talk over each other. Sometimes with images, smells, feelings, emotions, etc. Usually, it seems like just one of these internal voices stays close to me throughout the day, and seems to influence certain behaviors/characteristics. There's been times when it's like I'm floating in the passenger seat watching, and someone else is in control. Not a lot of times, just a few, and not for very long (minutes to hours).

This has been gnawing at me: I was having a conversation in my head, when another voice said, "You're real name is *******." And I was a little confused and shocked, because only one person had ever called me that and we have good and bad history together. But then it was like there was a wave of emotions and memories from the good part of the past before the bad and it seemed to make sense. I wasn't sure what to do, so I tried asking the third voice who it was and who it was talking to but I'm not sure whether it responded, and I started feeling weird and paranoid.

I think I have a pretty good memory. No long-term amnesia that I can think of. People often talk about things like I should remember them, but I can't, or it takes a lot of help and effort to remember. Coworkers accuse me of doing things I don't remember. They, along with family members, have also commented how I sometimes seem like a different person, talk different, etc. (This may seem odd and tangential, but looking back it seems like we were a different person at different points in my life - but I guess that's probably normal too.)

So, I was wondering if any of this makes sense and if it might be relatable, or hopefully if it just sounds more like normal little quirks that anyone can have?

And if there is a possibility that this could be OSDD or DID, will trying to communicate with the voices make things worse? Any other advice anybody has would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks!

Hi 08uP,

Welcome to the forum!

08uP wrote:People often talk about things like I should remember them, but I can't, or it takes a lot of help and effort to remember. Coworkers accuse me of doing things I don't remember. They, along with family members, have also commented how I sometimes seem like a different person, talk different, etc.

This, plus the multiple people talking in your head is certainly very suggestive of DID, and bipolar II is one of the common misdiagnoses (not that I'm saying that you have one and not the other, since I can't diagnose you).

08uP wrote:And if there is a possibility that this could be OSDD or DID, will trying to communicate with the voices make things worse?

Communicating with the voices is really important and it won't make things worse in the sense of causing you to have DID, or giving you a "worse" case of it, but it will likely increase the voices and make you feel temporarily like it's getting worse because you will be more aware of what different parts are feeling as you learn more about them.

S.P.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, S.P.!

I know that nobody here can make a diagnose and am not looking for one, but I really do appreciate your thoughts on the matter.

Communicating with the voices is really important and it won't make things worse in the sense of causing you to have DID, or giving you a "worse" case of it, but it will likely increase the voices and make you feel temporarily like it's getting worse because you will be more aware of what different parts are feeling as you learn more about them.

That sounds quite scary, actually. And disruptive. I constantly have at least one other voice to talk to throughout the day. But if I ask who it is, it either doesn't answer, acts like it doesn't know or says it is me. So then maybe it really is all just me thinking to myself in dialogue. And if I ever get a chance to ask any of the other voices they tend to ignore me or just get quiet. IF it's not just my imagination, how might I be able to increase communication?

I have seen plenty of people advising to keep a journal, but it seems difficult for me to keep at it. Anytime I go to write I just draw a blank, and then move on.

I have literally things like, "It's a little scary for me to try to talk to you, but I would like to start to get to know you, so does anyone have anything they would like to say to me?" or "I don't want to get too upset or overwhelmed, so we need to go slow, but I would like to start to get to know a little about who else is in here." Or however you actually feel. It's important to be honest with them so they can start to trust you--they have been protecting you from knowing about them, so until they feel like you can handle it, they are not going to tell you very much. At least that's how it's been working for me.

Hi,

We were here WAY before Host started talking to us and we stayed around even when he was like in super denial - so communicating doesn't make you have DID it just helps you live with it better. Mostly only hosts worry about this stuff.

Iain

Hi Iain! Thank you so much for your response! That actually does make me feel a little less worried.

As an alter, do you think you could provide any insight as to why it seems so hard to get a meaningful response from the voices in my head? Was there ever a time that you or another alter refused to communicate with the host or other members of the system? If so, why, and how was this overcome?

I'm working on utilizing the information TheGangsAllHere was kind enough to provide. Any other tips for promoting effective communication within such a system would also be greatly appreciated.

Thanks again!

Hi,

I don't know about your head but in ours Host was seriously into denial for a long time. Who'd want to talk to some guy who called you symptoms and cr*p like that?

I've got to admit we weren't any nicer. None of us ever had a good relationship with adults. We just tried to stay away from them. That gets kind of hard when you live in the same head

Anyway Host started trying to help us get some things we needed and be really trustworthy with stuff he promised. Some of us decided to give him a break. Our T helped.

Iain

Hi Iain, thanks again for replying! Your post is very helpful.

Haha, I think the denial part of me is winning right now. Sorry.

Hi,

You don't have to be sorry. Hosts are pretty much built to be in denial. Thats their job. So it's really hard for them not to be. It's our job to hide things so getting together is hard.

Iain

IainEtc wrote:Hi,

You don't have to be sorry. Hosts are pretty much built to be in denial. Thats their job. So it's really hard for them not to be. It's our job to hide things so getting together is hard.

Iain

That really helps me understand what's going on. Thank you. I like what you said about learning to trust, and the host being responsible and keeping their word. Our host is trying to learn to do that so we trust her.