can't stop crying

it sounds like this is having a huge negative impact on your ability to function in life.
do you think it would be possible to build up the boundaries with the crying Little a little bit? just so that it doesnt flood the whole system.
because anyone else who was experiencing what you do would be in a clinic by now to increase emotional stability. it sounds like you need more of a plan than to have Duffy with you.
L with Asti

birdsong87 wrote:it sounds like this is having a huge negative impact on your ability to function in life.
do you think it would be possible to build up the boundaries with the crying Little a little bit? just so that it doesnt flood the whole system.
because anyone else who was experiencing what you do would be in a clinic by now to increase emotional stability. it sounds like you need more of a plan than to have Duffy with you.
L with Asti

One major issue at hand is we have little clue how to communicate with a 3 year old pre-verbal little; its not like we can reason with her. When we try to simply say soothing things we tend to collapse into a flood of tears.

We have, in fact, been close to having ourselves admitted for a stabilization stay and still may do so. (we have an agreement with our psychiatrist for voluntary stays provided we haven't self-harmed)

you are trying to co-regulate a Little while you are not regulated yourself.
in a clinic they would ask you to do stuff that has nothing to do with emotions for a while.
crochet, sports, bake/cook, craft stuff from all kinds of materials, play games, sing, make music, dance, talk to other people
you have to calm down before you try to help a dysregulated other.
if this is further limiting your ability to function you probably should go to a clinic.
just know that you dont have to take care of the Little right away.
it might sound harsh but they were without your help for a long time. they wont know the difference.
now is the time to secure your own oxygen mask before helping minors.
and that might include avoiding feelings for a while
L+A

Hi,

I don't know but maybe is there somebody else inside who can calm down your Little? We have some parts who are way better at that than Host. Also the Littles listen to the bigger kids more than adults because adults hurt us. And anyway we try to keep Host away from some parts - at least until they get better.

Just trying to help.

Iain

birdsong87 wrote:you are trying to co-regulate a Little while you are not regulated yourself.
in a clinic they would ask you to do stuff that has nothing to do with emotions for a while.
crochet, sports, bake/cook, craft stuff from all kinds of materials, play games, sing, make music, dance, talk to other people
you have to calm down before you try to help a dysregulated other.
if this is further limiting your ability to function you probably should go to a clinic.
just know that you dont have to take care of the Little right away.
it might sound harsh but they were without your help for a long time. they wont know the difference.
now is the time to secure your own oxygen mask before helping minors.
and that might include avoiding feelings for a while
L+A

Thank you. It hadn't occurred to us that we not ourselves regulated, though we're not entirely sure what that means. Everything is so muddled of late.

can you think of anything that would fill your cup?
that would feel nice? for the adult you, not just the Littles?
we sometimes get so lost in taking care of the Littles' needs that we forget to fill our own cup.
is there something you like doing? someone who supports the adult you?
Asti likes Yoga and bubble baths. I eat a fancy chocolate every evening to reward myself for managing the day well (or for comfort if it didnt go that well. anyway, there is a little chocolate)
Mike enjoys a tea ceremony and swing music and his favorite armchair. small things.

littleDaria wrote:Thank you. It hadn't occurred to us that we not ourselves regulated, though we're not entirely sure what that means. Everything is so muddled of late.

I think in this situation it would mean being able to maintain a calm enough state of mind to accomplish basic daily tasks (such as getting home from the library) and to resist being flooded by the feelings of that little. If your system can't tolerate trying to soothe her right now, or can't tolerate any direct contact with her, then it doesn't sound like a good idea to try to do that.

Maybe a message of "when we're ready we will help you, and we won't forget that you're there" might be helpful? I think that goes for any part that is holding pain and/or sadness that could overwhelm the system. I feel like I've done so much useless crying in my life, which I now know was me being stuck in or overwhelmed by the feelings of a part, and it served no purpose whatsoever for me. It's very different from working through and discovering the source of the pain for that part and healing it--to me, the kind of crying associated with that has a completely different feeling to it, and serves a purpose rather than just causing more stress.

And yes, like birdsong said, making sure to take care of the bigs so that you can feel calm and comforted.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:I think in this situation it would mean being able to maintain a calm enough state of mind to accomplish basic daily tasks (such as getting home from the library) and to resist being flooded by the feelings of that little. If your system can't tolerate trying to soothe her right now, or can't tolerate any direct contact with her, then it doesn't sound like a good idea to try to do that.

And yes, like birdsong said, making sure to take care of the bigs so that you can feel calm and comforted.

yes, being able to complete daily tasks is a good goal currently and taking care of the body which likes long hot bubble baths, colouring, reading (we read dr. seuss aloud, juice boxes and goldfish crackers