What was it like for you when you were first diagnosed

What was it like for you when you were first diagnosed or when you first realized what was happening?

This is all so overwhelming for me and even though my therapist is great and my family is supportive I just feel like this isn't something you can really understand unless you are going through it. So I guess I am just looking for any help I can get.

Some background I had a lot of childhood trauma which is what my therapist believes caused this. My system is my core self and 4 other alters. Sorry if I am using any wrong terms and that I am probably rambling but thank you all for any help or advice you have.

In a word, frightening. In several words, frightening, confusing, overwhelming and to be honest, it still can be. We have learned to develop a support system of family and friends, and a safety net if you will, by utilizing community resources, such as CMHA, programming important numbers into our phone for the local crisis lines, etc...

Hi Homu,

There are a lot of threads describing people's journeys, and also a lot that talk about people's reactions to being diagnosed or their feelings when they are just starting to wonder what's happening. If you look around, you will find a lot of information.

Homu wrote:This is all so overwhelming for me and even though my therapist is great and my family is supportive I just feel like this isn't something you can really understand unless you are going through it. So I guess I am just looking for any help I can get.

That's a pretty common response. It's really great that you have a supportive family and a therapist that understands DID. Also, you've found your way here! For me, this forum has been a tremendous support.

One good piece of advice that I've gotten here is to realize that your system has been managing without your awareness all this time, and while it's fine to pay attention to what's happening at a pace that you can handle, it's not usually helpful to spend time pursuing understanding of your system like a detective with a new case. When I start to feel overwhelmed, or driven to try to understand something, that's a sign to me that I need to just back off and go about my business.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:One good piece of advice that I've gotten here is to realize that your system has been managing without your awareness all this time, and while it's fine to pay attention to what's happening at a pace that you can handle, it's not usually helpful to spend time pursuing understanding of your system like a detective with a new case. When I start to feel overwhelmed, or driven to try to understand something, that's a sign to me that I need to just back off and go about my business.

I like this advice but right now it feels like the parts of my system are trying to get me to get to know them better if that makes sense. Should I be sitting back and just listening or should I be more active I don't want them to think I am ignoring them if they are trying to connect.

I'm only about 6-7 months into knowing that I have parts, so I'm not an expert on this by any means, but you need to follow what seems right for you. I try to respond when parts are reaching out to me--I let them know that I hear them, and if I have time to journal with them, then I do that. I try to do whatever I have time for, while being careful not to get overwhelmed or stuck in a feeling.

Observing what's going on inside, and asking questions to get a clearer picture of what I'm being shown is helpful to me. What isn't helpful for me is trying to dig deeper or to chase after an upsetting feeling to see where it's coming from.

Yesterday I was communicating with a particular part and had the sense that she is standing in front of other parts that are holding a lot of pain--that this is part of her job, and I didn't know that before. What I was not going to do was to try to investigate back there.

Or at times I will feel a painful feeling from one of the parts, and rather than diving into it and understanding everything about where it's coming from and why it's there, I will acknowledge it and let that part know that I "hear" it, and that's a feeling that we will deal with at some point, gradually. It will have to wait, but we will be able to handle it at some point.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:I'm only about 6-7 months into knowing that I have parts, so I'm not an expert on this by any means, but you need to follow what seems right for you. I try to respond when parts are reaching out to me--I let them know that I hear them, and if I have time to journal with them, then I do that. I try to do whatever I have time for, while being careful not to get overwhelmed or stuck in a feeling.

Observing what's going on inside, and asking questions to get a clearer picture of what I'm being shown is helpful to me. What isn't helpful for me is trying to dig deeper or to chase after an upsetting feeling to see where it's coming from.

Yesterday I was communicating with a particular part and had the sense that she is standing in front of other parts that are holding a lot of pain--that this is part of her job, and I didn't know that before. What I was not going to do was to try to investigate back there.

Or at times I will feel a painful feeling from one of the parts, and rather than diving into it and understanding everything about where it's coming from and why it's there, I will acknowledge it and let that part know that I "hear" it, and that's a feeling that we will deal with at some point, gradually. It will have to wait, but we will be able to handle it at some point.

Thank you so much for sharing that it's super helpful and we are very grateful

scary, confusing, overwhelming.

I felt like Alice in Wonderland tumbling down the rabbit hole. everything was upside down and inside out. what I thought I knew was wrong. it was all so topsy turvy. but then there would be awesome moments of clarity.

keeping a coms book really helped. still does. my latest one is unlined. I think I like it.

I thought I would never get used to my diagnosis. but we finally have. even when I don't know all the details I know my Dx. and that's a big deal. I think it means we have, for the most part, accepted it.

Hi Homu
I read your post and it took me back to the early days--I remember when my therapist said the words "DID" and how I didn't want to believe it (even though at the time I had "parts" (which I refer to as "selves" ); I don't think there is a "correct" term--it's really what feels most comfortable to you. I don't think I spent much time in denial of that because I was in such a whirlwind trying to navigate through the intensity of it all. I've been on this healing journey for the past 18 years and when I think about what's been most helpful I'd say these 3 things:
Having a good support system
finding a therapist who is experienced in trauma work
journaling

I hope this helps some
take care

fiveheroes

All of this information is amazing I cant believe how willing to share and help you all are already I feel so lucky right now I feel so lucky that we have found this group. I have been fighting so hard with everyone to get to the point where we can do real work and seeing this community is really helping to motivate everyone. I have never had everybody on the same page like this working on the same goal before. Thank you all so much
=Alexis <3

It seems to be a common theme, but for us the first thing was just massive confusion. After that and in addition to it, we've had both fear, and fascination. Everything has been overwhelming at times.

Our previous host knew nothing about DID and was in denial of her symptoms, right up until she went away in November, and V1 was woken up and thrust out to take over. Walls have continued to crumble with more and more parts revealing themselves.

We've got a lot of curiosity and a huge desire to learn, which is where the fascination comes in - reading, researching, journaling, trying to understand our situation. And learning not to push too hard, not to try and move too fast.

Our first meeting with a therapist isn't for another two days. We've no idea if she'll be any good, or even if she knows much about dissociation or trauma. She knows about 'identity' issues, which is about all we knew was going on when we booked with her back in November.