DID CPTSD Girlfrined *MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING*

Her diagnosis is DID CPTSD Bipolar
She claims 7 altars.

I feel way over my head, can't really find anyone with much experience with this stuff. Those that I do find mostly just tell me to run away.

She used to do this thing when she's say she needs to hang out of someone (male) alone, she'll be back in 10 minutes. Insisting. And dissapear with them for the whole night. (or multiple nights).

She seems to get herself into abusive situations all the time. I used to feel like the further I'd go to try to protect her the further she'd go to make bad things happen.

She goes 'suicidal' and cuts and things

We're in Colombia atm. And the streets can be dangerous. Especially at night. Just now she's insisted on going to the park by herself to see if her friends are there. At night. She took off her favorite jewelry before going out. Because if something bad happens to her she doesn't want to loose it.

But refuses to let me come with her

I don't know how to deal with any of this it's so scary. The whole experience is insanely intense. When she's triggered by me she'll villainise me to all her friends. Make it out she's stuck with me and trying to get away but not strong enough. When she's not triggered she'll say her biggest fear is loosing me or me leaving her. And she wants to spend the rest of her life with me. She's suggested she might kill herself if i leave her. But other times has said she wouldn't.

When she's triggered I've wrestled the knife out of her hand while she's trying to cut. She'll then fight me with everything she has to get the knife back. One time she threw the knife under the bed and started kicking me while I was trying to get under the bed to get the knife. I slapped the foot that was kicking me So she told everyone I'm being violent with her. (Yes I've later been told by everyone not to stop her from cutting but i didn't know that at the time.)

She reads my messages on my phone and freaks out if im talking about her at all. I ended up being isolated and unable to talk to anyone about whats going on. (I'm talking to her mum a lot though) But she'll feak out if she found out i'm talking to my mother about it.

When she's not triggered shes a really cool girl but episodes have been like every other day.

I sort of really want to look after her cause I think she just needs the right support to come out of the trauma vortex and I think she's really cool but It's totally intense I don't really know whats going on most of the time I have never spoken to a professional about any of it

Any sort of real help or advise would be super helpful!!

My advise is to take care of you . She needs professional help and the desire to learn about herself and get healthy. You can’t save her.

It sounds like all her states are unhealthy, both the "triggered" ones and the "not triggered" ones. And it sounds like borderline personality disorder should be in the differential diagnosis. That extreme splitting, idealizing and devaluing, is a classic symptom.

Also, all these states are part of her, so beware your natural but unhealthy temptation to "cherry pick" the states you enjoy and imagine that if she gets help she will get rid of the states you don't like and keep only the ones you do like.

Personally I would end the relationship. She is not just severely mentally ill, she is also violent. She is a very real danger to herself and you, and likely others too. She isolates and controls you. All these are the behaviors of an abuser. Why are you putting up with any of an abusive relationship? Please do not even think of having children with a woman with these behaviors.

I agree about her sounding like she has borderline and why. she also sounds very abusive. this is not good for you. and it will be easy to put up with being abused because of all het issues she claims to have. but you need to not allow yourself to be in an abusive situation first and foremost. the only one that can help her is herself. if you're worried about her suicidal gestures, call police. maybe being hospitalised is what she needs to find some help.