Christmas Support Thread

Post here with challenges, worries, triggers, joy and pain
Heather

-- Sat Dec 23, 2017 12:24 am --

I've built it up in my head so much that I'm worried about what could happen to us if anything goes wrong. We are going with our partner to our parents' so lots could go wrong. We also have a lot of memories of holidays becoming nightmares. On top of this, because I (C) have built it up so much and Sarey is so excited, I'm worried about hitting a depression when it's all over.
C.

Thanks for starting this thread.

I'm very stressed about the holidays, and getting more so as it nears. Our family get-together is on the 26th this year. Not a big family, just our mum, sister, and sister's kids.

I'm stressing because this all blew up for me only last month. The family knew our previous host, she went dormant or went away or something, and I got dumped into her place with no clue what was going on. Our friends have been marvelously supportive, but our family, not a bit.

They're used to us being the one who was endlessly supportive and helped with everything that came along. Now that we're struggling and need some help and support, they're dismissive and distant.

If I thought I could get away with it, I'd just skip it and not go. But I know that'd just bring us more grief.

On the nicer side of things, we've learned enough about a few of our other parts, that we've got some small gifts for them. We'll have a little private celebration, maybe tomorrow night, or Monday morning, and see how that goes.

Last year on Christmas, I was away in a different state for eating disorder/trauma treatment. It was hard being away from home.

But I'm home this year and while I'm looking forward to it...I'm dreading being with my family so much. They criticize, bully, and are just plain mean to me.

I'm also worried about the food aspect. The past couple of weeks I have been struggling more with my eating disorder. No one really knows.

My system just feels overloaded.

Oh, wow, we need this thread! Many Thanks! We are prepared (gifts are purchased) for Christmas but every few hours or so we are having something akin to an anxiety attack. We are afraid of so many things happening, not the least of which is a possible emotional meltdown, which is possible considering how fragile we are lately.

Having to spend time with our mother, whose emotional abuse and manipulations steered so much of our life is, to say the least not something we are at all looking forward to. Strangely though, she has been acting very differently towards us in recent weeks, downright compassionate and understanding which is a very odd dichotomy we cannot reconcile.

We are also afraid we are developing an eating disorder, for we are barely eating and when we do we rarely finish what is on our plate and can feel nauseous afterwards. We have had urges to purge after eating for some time now and have not the slightest clue why.

For years, decades, Christmas was a necessary obligation we managed to get through. We gained what little pleasure we did from the holiday from our careful gift buying for our loved ones and we do enjoy wrapping the gifts.

NOT going is the nuclear option; it will result in much unpleasantness. To our family Christmas is mandatory. Three years ago we did not attend Christmas and one member of our family didn't talk to us for months.

Having said all that, our littles are super excited. They loved our bout of Christmas baking yesterday and are very aware there are only two more sleeps till the day. The conflict in our head is reaching Greek Tragedy proportions and we are at loss. To make matters worse we have either a mild flu or a cold (which is NOT a 'legitimate reason' to not show up).

We are a bundle of conflict and anxiety.

Welp. Just got in our first argument of the holidays!

V. was super stressed so I took over to do the wrapping and stuff, and the mum called. She was still being super dismissive of us, ignoring what we've said about being stressed and stuff. I wasn't rude or whatever, but I think she's used to us being more compliant.

It wasn't even much of an argument really. Still, V.'s probably going to be uptight about it later lol.

ColouredLeaves, maybe after the holidays you can do some more fun stuff for a couple more days, sort of ease back down, so it's not just a huge change from one exciting day to normal stuff again?

OceanWaves, I hope things go ok with your family. Our previous host let her family walk all over her I think.

littleDaria, sorry to hear you're sick. I hope you get over that quick. I hope things continue going well with your mum. Xmas is pretty 'mandatory' for us too. We'd probably get disowned if we don't go. We've only met one Little in our system so far but we know there's more.

I think V. is worried they might get overexcited and come out. She's also worried that there's something nasty about xmas she doesn't remember, that might come up. I'm thinking I should be the one who goes. She's too stressed about it.

-tV

Yes I totally relate to you all. This morning, I was so stressed that I wanted to separate from my body. It felt like disaster was imminent. Like some of you have mentioned, food is an issue for me as well, plus a mum who expects perfect compliance. I'm worried about my partner putting his foot in his mouth because I have years of practice at being obedient and polite and putting my feelings on hold, but he doesn't. He tends to say whatever pops into his head. This caused some friction at Thanksgiving and we were only at my parents' for 5 hrs. Christmas will be about 36 hrs. Oh help me. But I am feeling better tonight and somewhat looking forward to it, Sarey is alive with glee.
C.

Thanks everyone for sharing. This is a tough time.

Feeling vulnerable and like, there is way too much on my plate to add one more thing - a holiday celebration. My family (family of origin is all dead, except an older sister) is supportive, but it just feels like too much to "put on a happy face." I will try to strike a balance between what is really true for me and playing the role of great-grandmother, grandmother, mother, sister, and wife.

The food is an issue with me as well. Eating to deal with feelings is my MO and I'm trying to stay mindful so that doesn't happen.

yes-food is issue here as well. Barely trying to control that.

I’ve chosen not to be with family . Looking at this as opportunity. Lots of feelings bubbling underneath.

Going better than feared. Much better. So relieved. I think I'm full of adrenaline or something though cuz it's almost 3 am and I'm not sleeping, even with meds.
C.

Hope everyone feels better now !

Now I know why Alexis doesn't like my grand-mother and my grand-father... went into an argument against my grand-father last night (about my little brother, my mom and I are the only one who understand why he went to live with our father, the rest of the family think it's all against my mom >.<). He caught me by surprise by being narrow-minded as hell, as he usually is really open-minded, and Alexis and I went upset. Daem couldn't calm us as we were really angry. My grand-father went trying to make us realise things we already know about "me" by being a little bit agressive, and we went so upset, we had to left the appartment to calm everyone down.
We ended up at the flower-shop we work after class, we spend a little time with the florist and helped her with the last clients, first time we have a shelter like this, a place we can run to, it was a weird feeling, but a good weird feeling.
Daem went co-present and take most of the controle, and leaded us home after a moment. He managed the rest of the night.
It went better at the end of the nigh, when we share the gifts and when the Littles get the things I've put on "my" christmas list for them (plushies for Nico and Ethan, a tee with a cat for Nathan).