Do people react to you strangely?

God I hope someone gets this ...

1st question: Has anyone ever gotten the impression that only after a few minutes that people recoil from you? Perhaps people you know, or even strangers?

I feel like I can see it the moment it happens. Their eyes or face change, maybe they take a tiny step back. Often they seem not to want to look me in the eye after that. I'm really good at reading subtle body language, but maybe not so hot at interpreting its meaning.

2nd question: do you think people can see or sense something from some of us ... our eyes, face, speech, posture, whatever? Even when it's not an alter?

Slightly different to what you are experiencing, but I actually experience an attraction rather than repulsion..

Sometimes when I'm shopping I feel like everyone is staring at me.. As if I'm naked or glowing or as if they know me but can see im someone different in the moment.

We have alters who are social and like attention and others who just want to be invisible. Its the invisable alters who notice this behaviour.

I think it comes down to personal insecurities..

example1: if an alter wants to be invisible they will feel uncomfortble at the thought of people noticing them.

example2: If an alter is craving relationships they will feel uncomfortble with the thought of people not being interesting in them..

does that makes sense?

you react strangely to people. we seem to have lost our ability for small talk. we says stuff that... doesnt eel comfortable for strangers. worse, Asti often does first contacts and she is so no-nonsense that often people hate us when they first meet us. it is us doing strange stuff first, people only reacting to it.

we got feedback that people did see alters, they described it as a face moving underneath the face. especially when Annett is doing it it scares people a lot. they get a sense of danger and aggression that becomes even stronger by the mismatch in behavior and words and what they just saw. we think the face actually changes for split seconds and that is what they see.

People recoil from you? When that happens, have you thought about maybe just asking them what just happened? Literally. "Just now you seemed to recoil and I don't know why. Would you mind sharing with me what just happened?" Practice saying it out loud with a friend until you can say it with a tone of voice and body language that encourages the other person to share.

Sometimes people do react to me strangely but I think usually it is about them not me. I get a lot of people insisting they know me, they met me before, etc. For a few years after diagnosis I was afraid that these people might be telling the truth ie some part of me had a secret life I didn't know about. What a horrifying thought! So, just as I suggest you do, I began asking these people when and where we met, and it turns out we had no history. It appears they have an uncanny, inexplicable feeling of familiarity with me. Most who have this feeling are friendly but some are hostile toward me and a few are frankly infatuated. I have concluded none of it has to do with me; I am like a blank screen on which they project their own stuff. That projection is weird $#%^!

Same as birdsong87, on rare occasions my face does change. Sometimes it changes on only one side (always the right side). This happens only when I am very triggered. One of my therapists who saw it described it as all the muscles under the skin moving in concert, as if my face were melting and morphing, and I turn into a different person. She said that even though she knows this is part of DID, seeing it always makes her hair stand up. That is a visceral animal response, hardwired in our bodies, to something alarming going on.

I hope this thread has given you some new ideas about how to frame the situation, and steps you can take to smooth your social interactions with people who act this way with you.

Thank you all!

brokovich4321: very insightful. I have both the dread and the longing for contact, a chronic stalemate. And insecurities: check!

birdsong87: haha yes I'm totally strange with others. I can manage about 3 minutes before eye-contact is unbearable, and I get insanely nervous and awkward. I've gotten the impression that for most it looks like I'm sketchy, i.e. hiding something or suspicious. Of course making my awkwardness really intense. I do believe in micro-expressions and that people see flickers of something underneath that doesn't seem to fit. Also I admire how much you understand and know about your alters

Una+: totally sensible advice that might get me really useful feedback. Problem at the moment is I'm terrified of people, but even more terrified of doing something weird that will haunt me or change a relationship. To be honest I've thought about asking a few people who've known me for a while; those who haven't have nothing to compare the current me to. I'll keep trying to muster the courage.

Also, I think as far as projecting goes, I do most of it Agreed that the animal response kicks in, and personally I've found it shocking how few Ts, or people in general, overlook something so significant, that they can be that oblivious to protective body language, PTSD reflexes, etc. Also inspiring, your understanding of your alters.

Surely, must have been a wild ride for clarity that has gotten you this perception. I think the only thing you can do is pray it hasn't won in trying to relate with people. I can get past the recoiling to get what is needed in enough to at least be okay if I am first okay with who goes to do a sitaution, if I practice it enough. I do know that . You are not alone.

We are transgender and are used to being looked at strangely. Our perception of the world around us is a different matter. Things can look two dimensional and unreal. We can also feel like we are invisible or as if we are on exhibit. It is a strange way to live. We are very used to depersonalization.

TheyBrokeMe wrote:Problem at the moment is I'm terrified of people, but even more terrified of doing something weird that will haunt me or change a relationship.

The terror and other negative emotions may be what's leaking through. Out of the context of the moment, these are generally off-putting and to some degree unsettling to people. That's understandable and probably universal.

But it's amazing how disarming, even charming, an honest comment along the lines of "sorry if I seem a little weird right now, I'm so awkward sometimes, but I'm working on that." Something like that, practiced as Una suggested, can display your humanity for others, which allows them to relate, even if they won't all respond. It's not as if every other human being on the planet hasn't felt like that at some point. If someone said that to me, I'd probably return "oh don't worry, you're fine, we're all weird at times."

I agree with you that it's odd how people don't see through that stuff in others most of the time. Maybe we do but want to avoid expending extra effort or the small percentage of odd behavior that may end up being dangerous.